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[Mon, May 29 2023] TL;DR — This is the top investing content you missed in the last 24 hours on Reddit
2023.05.29 17:00 _call-me-al_ [Mon, May 29 2023] TL;DR — This is the top investing content you missed in the last 24 hours on Reddit
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NVDA did not file a new shelf offering.
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SELLING STOCKSComments Link
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Boys & girls, stop buying NVDA puts
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1880 - 2023 Graph Showing Maximum Drawdown from Last Highs
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patience is all you need to winComments Link
If you invest in US stocks and feel confused about the current stock market, you may wish to join us! Here are the latest investment strategies and stock lists, and there will be stock market analysis every day to help you quickly recognize the current situation. Click the link below to join us：
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Honestly I'm doing y'all a favor by not trading
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At first glance, REITs take away all the challenges with classic real estate investing: Capital investment is low, assets are liquid, and getting diversification is simple. But, are REITs the silver bullet for your portfolio -- Here is everything you need to know about REITs.Comments Link
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big gainsComments Link
Hodling Nvda since it was $7,50 : selling CC to get eventually assigned strategy so I can diversify?
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Historical Options Charts
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DBSCAN algo across multiple instruments
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Long term Treasury bills - DiscussionComments Link
Daily Discussion Thread - May 29th, 2023
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Why have I made $40 today when there's no trading occurring?
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How does this scam work?
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Bitcoin Surges 4% as US Debt Limit Suspension Deal Boosts Market Sentiment
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2023.05.29 16:59 Ritapedorri Hot Chick Pink Pussy Close Up and Anal
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2023.05.29 16:52 _Triple_ [STORE] 900+ KNIVES/GLOVES/SKINS, 50.000$+ INVENTORY. M9 Fade, M4 Poseidon, BFK Freehand, Crimson Kimono, Nomad Fade, Skeleton, Kara Lore, Bayo Autotronic, AWP Fade, Kara Damas, BFK Ultra, Kara Freehand, Kara Bright, M9 Damas, Omega, Tiger Strike, Flip MF, Bayo Tiger, Deagle Blaze, Talon & More
Everything in my inventory is up for trade. The most valuable items are listed here, the rest you can find in My Inventory
Feel free to Add Me or even better send a Trade Offer. Open for any suggestions: upgrades, downgrades / knives, gloves, skins / stickers, patterns, floats.
All Buyouts are listed in cash value.
KNIVES
★ Butterfly Knife Freehand FN #1, B/O: $2500
★ Butterfly Knife Ultraviolet FT, B/O: $822
★ Butterfly Knife Scorched FT, B/O: $616
⎯★ Bayonet Tiger Tooth MW #1, B/O: $1300
★ Bayonet Autotronic FN, B/O: $1050
★ Bayonet Tiger Tooth MW, B/O: $629
★ Bayonet Bright Water FT, B/O: $326
★ Bayonet Safari Mesh BS, B/O: $233
⎯★ Karambit Lore FT, B/O: $1110
★ Karambit Damascus Steel FT, B/O: $840
★ Karambit Freehand MW, B/O: $784
★ Karambit Bright Water MW, B/O: $759
⎯★ M9 Bayonet Fade FN, B/O: $1801
★ M9 Bayonet Fade FN, B/O: $1801
★ M9 Bayonet Damascus Steel FN, B/O: $751
⎯★ Nomad Knife Fade FN, B/O: $1156
★ Nomad Knife Slaughter MW, B/O: $544
★ Nomad Knife Blue Steel WW, B/O: $318
⎯★ Flip Knife Marble Fade FN, B/O: $646
★ Flip Knife Doppler (Phase 4) FN, B/O: $574
★ Flip Knife Gamma Doppler (Phase 1) MW, B/O: $552
★ Flip Knife Case Hardened FT, B/O: $257
★ Flip Knife Freehand FT, B/O: $255
★ StatTrak™ Flip Knife Bright Water FN, B/O: $287
⎯★ Huntsman Knife Lore FN, B/O: $461
★ Huntsman Knife Gamma Doppler (Phase 4) FN, B/O: $436
★ Huntsman Knife Doppler (Phase 3) FN, B/O: $353
★ Huntsman Knife Autotronic FT, B/O: $212
★ Huntsman Knife Bright Water FT, B/O: $129
★ Huntsman Knife Forest DDPAT MW, B/O: $129
★ Huntsman Knife Forest DDPAT BS, B/O: $123
★ StatTrak™ Huntsman Knife Rust Coat BS, B/O: $127
⎯★ Bowie Knife Gamma Doppler (Phase 2) FN, B/O: $375
★ Bowie Knife Gamma Doppler (Phase 1) FN, B/O: $363
★ Bowie Knife Tiger Tooth FN, B/O: $269
★ Bowie Knife Crimson Web WW, B/O: $192
★ Bowie Knife Bright Water FN, B/O: $159
★ Bowie Knife Ultraviolet FT, B/O: $126
⎯★ Stiletto Knife Slaughter FN, B/O: $616
★ Stiletto Knife Crimson Web FT, B/O: $412
★ StatTrak™ Stiletto Knife Night Stripe FT, B/O: $227
⎯★ Falchion Knife Lore FT, B/O: $214
★ Falchion Knife Autotronic FT, B/O: $192
★ Falchion Knife Scorched WW, B/O: $105
⎯★ Survival Knife Crimson Web BS, B/O: $216
★ Survival Knife Case Hardened FT, B/O: $198
★ Survival Knife Scorched FT, B/O: $111
⎯★ Shadow Daggers Fade FN, B/O: $368
★ Shadow Daggers Doppler (Phase 3) FN, B/O: $228
★ Shadow Daggers, B/O: $201
★ Shadow Daggers Damascus Steel FT, B/O: $108
★ Shadow Daggers Ultraviolet FT, B/O: $105
★ Shadow Daggers Black Laminate FT, B/O: $99
★ Shadow Daggers Forest DDPAT FT, B/O: $85
⎯★ Gut Knife Doppler (Sapphire) MW #1, B/O: $1700
★ Gut Knife Gamma Doppler (Phase 1) FN, B/O: $223
★ Gut Knife Marble Fade FN, B/O: $203
★ Gut Knife Doppler (Phase 2) FN, B/O: $191
★ Gut Knife Case Hardened BS, B/O: $127
⎯★ Navaja Knife Doppler (Phase 4) FN, B/O: $199
★ Navaja Knife Doppler (Phase 4) FN, B/O: $199
★ Navaja Knife, B/O: $138
★ Navaja Knife Damascus Steel FN, B/O: $111
⎯★ Classic Knife Urban Masked FT, B/O: $146
★ StatTrak™ Classic Knife Stained BS, B/O: $168
⎯★ Ursus Knife Doppler (Phase 3) FN, B/O: $476
★ Ursus Knife, B/O: $375
⎯★ Skeleton Knife, B/O: $1137
★ Talon Knife, B/O: $608
★ Paracord Knife, B/O: $305
★ Survival Knife Forest DDPAT FT, B/O: $97
GLOVES
★ Moto Gloves Transport MW, B/O: $204
★ Moto Gloves Polygon BS, B/O: $142
★ Moto Gloves Blood Pressure BS, B/O: $84
★ Moto Gloves Blood Pressure BS, B/O: $84
★ Moto Gloves 3rd Commando Company BS, B/O: $63
★ Moto Gloves 3rd Commando Company BS, B/O: $63
⎯★ Specialist Gloves Crimson Kimono WW, B/O: $1215
★ Specialist Gloves Tiger Strike FT, B/O: $672
★ Specialist Gloves Lt. Commander FT, B/O: $305
★ Specialist Gloves Lt. Commander BS, B/O: $140
★ Specialist Gloves Crimson Web BS, B/O: $137
★ Specialist Gloves Buckshot FT, B/O: $75
⎯★ Driver Gloves Crimson Weave FT, B/O: $359
★ Driver Gloves Imperial Plaid BS, B/O: $229
★ Driver Gloves Overtake BS, B/O: $77
★ Driver Gloves Racing Green FT, B/O: $48
⎯★ Sport Gloves Omega FT, B/O: $739
★ Sport Gloves Amphibious BS #2, B/O: $733
★ Sport Gloves Arid BS, B/O: $292
⎯★ Hand Wraps Giraffe MW, B/O: $212
★ Hand Wraps Leather FT, B/O: $160
★ Hand Wraps Desert Shamagh MW, B/O: $101
⎯★ Broken Fang Gloves Yellow-banded MW, B/O: $185
★ Broken Fang Gloves Needle Point FT, B/O: $67
★ Broken Fang Gloves Needle Point WW, B/O: $59
⎯★ Hydra Gloves Case Hardened BS, B/O: $65
★ Hydra Gloves Emerald FT, B/O: $65
★ Hydra Gloves Emerald BS, B/O: $62
WEAPONS
AK-47 Case Hardened BS, B/O: $130
AK-47 Bloodsport MW, B/O: $79
AK-47 Fuel Injector BS, B/O: $76
AK-47 Fuel Injector BS, B/O: $76
AK-47 Bloodsport FT, B/O: $70
AK-47 Neon Rider MW, B/O: $60
StatTrak™ AK-47 Aquamarine Revenge FT, B/O: $72
⎯AWP Fade FN, B/O: $1039
AWP Asiimov FT, B/O: $139
AWP Asiimov FT, B/O: $139
AWP Wildfire MW, B/O: $95
AWP BOOM MW, B/O: $93
AWP BOOM MW, B/O: $93
AWP Duality FN, B/O: $81
AWP Asiimov BS, B/O: $79
AWP Asiimov BS, B/O: $79
AWP Chromatic Aberration FN, B/O: $60
StatTrak™ AWP Hyper Beast FT, B/O: $68
StatTrak™ AWP Hyper Beast FT, B/O: $68
StatTrak™ AWP Electric Hive FT, B/O: $55
⎯Desert Eagle Blaze FN, B/O: $623
Desert Eagle Emerald Jörmungandr FN, B/O: $241
Desert Eagle Cobalt Disruption FN, B/O: $81
Desert Eagle Cobalt Disruption FN, B/O: $81
Desert Eagle Cobalt Disruption FN, B/O: $81
Desert Eagle Printstream FT, B/O: $54
⎯M4A1-S Blue Phosphor FN, B/O: $434
StatTrak™ M4A1-S Bright Water MW, B/O: $55
⎯M4A4 Poseidon FN, B/O: $1465
M4A4 Asiimov BS, B/O: $55
M4A4 Hellfire MW, B/O: $50
⎯USP-S Kill Confirmed MW, B/O: $72
USP-S Printstream FT, B/O: $69
StatTrak™ USP-S Kill Confirmed FT, B/O: $139
⎯AUG Flame Jörmungandr FN, B/O: $234
P90 Run and Hide FT, B/O: $147
Five-SeveN Candy Apple FN, B/O: $61
Trade Offer Link - Steam Profile Link - My Inventory
Some items on the list may no longer be available or are still locked, visit My Inventory for more details.
Send a Trade Offer for fastest response. I consider all offers.
Add me for discuss if there is a serious offer that needs to be discussed.
2023.05.29 16:29 YukiteruAmano92 There Will Be Scritches Pt.98
Previous Interlewd XXVII Next First
---Job---
---Lhamo’s perspective---
---2686 Terran Calenda27 years BF---
I watch the British woman of FrancoJapanese parentage stride from the floor of the Parliament of our (recently capitulated) enemies.
She is surrounded by four of the most physically imposing Humans I’ve ever seen! Not one of them less than 210cm!
I suppose, when our army numbers in the hundreds of billions, finding one-in-a-millions isn’t too hard(!)
Me and the rest of her retinue fall in behind her as she passes through the vomitorium and turns to my left, her right, towards her temporary office.
As large in stature as the durasteel clad soldiers are, they do not compare to the woman’s android husband, 230cm tall and, from the sound of his bare footfalls, a few hundred kilos in mass!
We reach the door of the (newly designated) office of the Terran Representative and she snarls “You four, guard the door…” addressing her bodyguards “…Ezra, Zurab, Lhamo, inside… Everyone else, piss off and find something to do!”
The door closes behind us.
“Bug sweep, darling…” says the woman, exhaustedly.
“No bugs detected.” answers her husband, instantly.
She slumps onto the chair that had to be brought from our ship after the one provided by the Parliament collapsed under her weight the first time she sat in it.
Tilting her head back, she asks “So… how did I do?”
“You did wonderfully, sweetheart.” answers Ezra, immediately, in his flat, serene cadence.
She reaches a hand out to one of his and says “Thank you, darling! You are my rock… but I was really asking these two…” gesturing at me and the KartveloTamil man with her other hand.
“My opinion…” smiles Mudaliar “…pitch perfect! No notes!”
“Agreed.” I concur.
She leans her elbows onto the table in front of her, quickly removing them when she hears its groans of protest.
“There’ll be a lot of people back home who think that we let them off too easy… who’ll think that we should have pulled a fucking Versailles on their arses!” she muses.
“A punitive Peace would foster resentment in the gardenworlder populace… They would feel as if their leaders stabbed them in the back by surrendering… Not to mention giving ammunition to antideathworlder bigots!… We need future generations of gardenworlders to think their ancestors were wrong to declare War on us, not wrong to sue for Peace…” I remind her.
“Enumerating their various hypocrisies, warcrimes and the many violations of their own laws that they perpetrated serves that end well… Hundreds of trillions of GU citizens, who personally had little to nothing to do with the War, suddenly finding their salaries cut in half to pay our War reparations would very much be counter to it(!)… Let us hope that demanding the most heinous warcriminals be remanded to Terran custody to stand trial placates the sabre rattlers back home…” adds Mudaliar.
“Yes, but…! I don’t know… I feel like we should have got something more from them!… Instructions on how to reproduce their more advanced tech, maybe…?”
Mudaliar purses his lips in a joyless smile and shakes his head “We just (relatively handily) defeated them in a War with technology centuries behind theirs… Their tech is not something we can ask them to trust us with yet… we need to build their trust first. It’s going to take time… It’s going to take…”
*Knock**Knock**Knock**Knock**Knock**Knock*
“What!?” snarls Miyazaki to whatever poor unfortunate soul is requesting entry.
One of the towering guards, in their sleek, state of the art durasteel, enters.
“Apologies for the interruption, Mistress Miyazaki… There’s a delivery for you. Already been scanned for explosive, biological and chemical agents etc… It’s clean.”
“A delivery…?” she says, screwing up her face in a mixture of confusion and contempt for a moment before shifting to appraisal and beckoning wordlessly.
The towering man enters the room and stands to one side, revealing a small woman with pink skin, purple tendrils covering her scalp, three teal eyes and three legs with one too many joints.
The girl looks terrified as she walks in, a levitating platform following behind her with a heavy looking cube (around a metre wide, deep and tall) on top.
Looking as if she might be about to burst into tears from her fear, the pink skinned girl holds out a holo toward Miyazaki (though still around 8m away) and says “C-c-could you… s-s-s-sssign h-here, p-please?”
“What am I signing for?” asks Miyazaki, flatly.
“Th-this?” says the scared delivery girl, gesturing at the glossy cube.
Fury flashes across Miyazaki’s face and, before she can traumatise the poor girl, I step in.
“I think what our Representative means is that we weren’t expecting a delivery… Would you mind telling us what this is?” I say, kindly, smiling (without teeth) down at the girl.
“I-it’s… a d-data drive…?” she asks more than tells.
A data drive!?
That’s absurd!!!
With how insanely advanced their computing is, a physical storage device this large would represent several multiples of all the information Humanity has ever set to page!
“What’s on this data drive, sweetie?” I smile, trying not to betray any of my desperate curiosity to her.
“It’s a c-compendium… of a-all Galactic Union t-technologies and ssscience…”
The room stands in stunned silence for 9 straight seconds while we all process what the little xeno girl just said.
She shifts uncomfortably, looking at Miyazaki and, clearly, unwilling to approach her.
Shellshocked, I eventually manage to say “I… can… sign… for that…”
Looking relieved, she hands me her holo and a stylus.
I scrawl out my name in the abugidic script of my native Tibetan, my hand then making a second pass on the line, adding the vowel markers.
The girl looks thoroughly relieved not to have had to get any closer than she is to the intimidating woman behind the desk, in the formal blue dress.
I hand the device back to her and she uses it to direct the platform to unload its cargo.
She does not wait to be dismissed, beating a hasty retreat from the room, leaving behind the single most valuable object ever possessed by Terrankind!
---2687 Terran Calenda26 years BF---
“We need gardenworlders!” growls Miyazaki, frustratedly, as we pore over the plans for the new agency we’re trying to design “This needs to be more than just the Terran embassy to the GU and vice versa! It needs to set the tone for all our interactions moving forward! We need qualified gardenworlders, ready, willing and able to work alongside the Terran staff! Helping us build our networks and win over potential allies in the Parliament!”
“Yes… well… unless you want to kidnap a complement of gardenworlders to staff it as forced labour, then our choices are open it with a Terran dominated staff and hope we can entice more gardenworld employees at a later date or delay it… again!” points out a weary Mudaliar.
“Guys…” I interject, equally wearily “…I think we’re past the point of productivity for this evening… how about we call it quits and come back to it with fresh eyes, tomorrow?”
“Good idea…” he answers.
The two of us begin getting up but Miyazaki says “Wait…”
We turn to look at her, expectantly.
“How about we go out tonight?… No shoptalk, I promise!…Just think it might be good for us to have a night to cut loose… just the four of us… five, if that hot, young nurse you’re dating wants to come, Zurab?”
Mudaliar smiles “I appreciate the offer… but I really need to sleep… Raincheck?”
“Fair enough… Lhamo?”
I hesitate, considering.
---later---
“Wooooo! Shots! Shots! Shots! Shots shots SHOTS!!!” shouts a merry Miyazaki as she and I raise small glasses of weak spirits to our lips, in a booth in the xeno bar, and tip them down our throats.
Her android husband mimics the action with an empty glass.
She slams her glass onto the table and releases a sigh as she slumps against the padded seatback.
Her expression turns slightly melancholic as she says “Y’know… I don’t know if I’m the right woman for this job…”
“You are.” replies her husband, instantly, almost displaying an emotion for a second there(!) “The fact that you were appointed above all other potential candidates should prove your fitness for the role. They could have chosen anyone and they chose you.”
“I agree with your husband… but what makes you say that, Jeanne?” I query.
“IIIII don’t knooow…” she grumbles “…I sort of feel like I was chosen on the strength of my reputation… and my parents’ reputation for ferocity… but, the thing is, while my mum and my shitstain of a father could give a fiery speech, they also had all the other skills you need to be a diplomat as well!… I feel like I’ve got one skill and it’s scaring people!”
“That’s why I’m here, sweetheart.” smiles Ezra, serenely “You’re the stick and I’m the carrot…”
“Thank you, darling… It’s just… much as I hate to give that man the credit… difficult not to think that my father would’ve done a better job if he’d managed to make it hear without getting his ship blasted out of the sky!”
While I have far more sense than to ever say it, it’s absolutely apparent that the husband Jeanne ‘Blitz’ Miyazaki commissioned for herself is, in all ways, the polar opposite of the late father she despises!
I only ever knew him by his reputation but; where her father was a passionate firebrand, Ezra is calm, measured and tranquil.
Where her father was a gorgeous heartthrob who became a handsome silver fox in his later life, her husband (while certainly not ugly) is definitely much plainer in his looks.
Where her father famously favoured flamboyant modern dress, her husband’s wardrobe looks straight out of a Unification era vid in its conservativeness.
Where her father had a slight frame and a diminutive stature, her husband is tall and solidly built.
And, where Yuki ‘Blizzard’ Miyazaki famously left his wife, Charlotte ‘Guerre’ d’Aureville , after a scandalous extramarital affair with Tombe ‘Breeze’ Upash (another (obviously married) diplomat, no less!) in a move that would have sunk the career of anyone else in his line of work, Ezra certainly seems as if he only has eyes for her!
Several times, she has expressed the thought that raising her half sister, Emiko, to be a decent person is the only good thing that man ever did!
My rumination on that is cut short, before I can answer her imposter syndrome, when she says “You ever consider the diplomat track, Lhamo?”
I give a rueful smile as I answer “I’d need a spouse for that, Jeanne(!)”
Her eyebrows raise in surprise as she says “Oh… you’re ace? I didn’t realise…”
I chuckle and shake my head “Not ace… just 42 with crowsfeet…” I gesture to the corners of my eyes “…I feel like, if I were going to meet Mr Right, it would have happened by now(!)”
“Bah…!” she dismisses, letting out her Francophone side for a second(!) “…None of this ‘too old to find love’ tripe! You’re still a stunner!… Not to mention an intelligent, vibrant woman with a fantastic personality!…Plus… we’re this close to cracking regen!… Pretty soon, 42 will be the new 25… along with every other age over 25(!) You’ve got all the time in the world!… It’d be really great to be able to hand this job off to you or Zurab!… Either of you’d do better than me, I’m sure!… I could go back to Earth, safe in the knowledge that things were being taken care of!”
“Ma’am…” I lean forward and reassuringly pat her wrist “…I promise you, you are the best person for the job… certainly at the moment, anyway!… Please grace us with your presence for a few more years at least!”
She chuckles “How about you get the next round and we’ll make a toast of it(!)”
I smile back “No problem… but I don’t think we’ll be allowed anymore of these…” I gesture to the, one-per-customer, shot glasses.
“Vinjirian ale… 900ml.” says the woman, immediately.
“I will take an empty 900ml glass.” states her husband.
“Got it.” I smile.
“Don’t drink any until Ezra can run chem analysis on it… Don’t want to get drugged!” she reminds me, seriously.
“I promise I won’t!” I chuckle, walking away.
“Oh, and watch him pour! Make sure he doesn’t spit in it or anything!” she adds, a little louder than she needs to but not loud enough that I think the large, porcine, xeno barman will have heard her.
I cross the crowded bar and step to the counter.
“Two Vinjirian ales and an empty glass, please… 900ml, all. Pretty sure you have our waivers for it already.” I smile, with closed lips, up at the orange xeno with the piglike face.
He oinks an acknowledgement and starts pouring.
As I watch him, I notice myself being noticed by a xeno at the far end of the bar.
I don’t turn to look but keep track of him in my periphery while my foveal focus rests, squarely, on the drinks being drawn.
He stands.
“Fuck…” I whisper to myself.
There’s one of two reasons a xeno is likely to be approaching me: either, he’s going to angrily vent at me about how I’m a monster and caused him to lose X number of loved ones in the War… or he’s about to test the rumours about Human promiscuity…
I’m not particularly in the mood for either but I really hope it’s the latter… I don’t know that I would trust the proprietor to take my side if one of his gardenworld patrons gets belligerent.
As the man approaches, he occupies more and more of my attention to the point that, even though I’m looking right at them, I wouldn’t necessarily see if our drinks were tampered with!
Good thing I’ve got a walking laboratory back at my table(!)
The gigantic man has now made it to within a metre of me on my left and stands, looming over me.
Despite the fact that I know, if push came to shove, I could probably put his head clear through the countertop without too much trouble, it’s still uncomfortable to have such a large person so close.
The first words the man speaks catch me completely off guard.
“It’s been a while, Dr Yeshe… I’m very glad to see you again!” comes a warm, familiar voice, speaking Gangsri accented Tibetan and sounding a bit like a Human with a blocked nose.
My head whips left and up, my eyes resting upon a very recognisable patch of smooth, flat, periwinkle coloured skin between two large, orange eyes.
I haven’t seen this man since I was transferred to Forward Operations, 4 years ago!
My joy is so immediate and genuine that I momentarily forget to restrain my smile, so as not to be perceived as making an aggressive display!
He doesn’t flinch at the brief flash of my teeth I involuntarily give him.
“Well, well, well, well, well!… If it isn’t my favourite prisoner of War(!) What a pleasant surprise, Wing Commander!” I say, my voice joyful.
Then, my face falls as I notice the dark blue bruise across his right eye.
“What happened to your eye, Ong?!” I ask, ready to demand the name and badge number of whatever guard it was that did that to him… then remembering that we’re no longer on Gangsri!
He casts his eyes down and shamefully confesses “It’s… not ‘Ong’ anymore… and it’s not ‘Wing Commander’ either… I’m just Ngngomg, now…”
It takes a second before the pieces click together for me.
I gasp as I realise “*Hhhhh*…You were expelled from your tribe?!”
He answers with a doleful Terran nod.
“Because you defected?”
“Just got released here, yesterday… went to my embassy… found my tribal representative… he punched me… told me not to come back to Gollogng… and… here I am…” he gestures around the bar “…drowning my sorrows(!)”
“That’s terrible, On…Ngngomg! I’m so sorry!!!”
“It’s fine…” he lies “…I’ve got some preWar savings to live on for the moment… should also be due two years salary from the GU military… but who knows when or if I’ll ever see that, given how my service ended!”
“They don’t count time spent as a POW to be time you served?” I query.
He puffs through his lips before answering “They do not, no… certainly not when you became a POW by treason!”
“Is… is there anything I can… do?” I offer, pathetically.
He gives a joyless curl of his lips and answers “Sweet of you to offer but… there’s really nothing to be done… Anyway… it was nice seeing you…” and turns to walk a way.
“Wait!” I say, a little more desperately than I mean to.
He turns back, one of his dark blue eyebrows raised quizzically.
“How would you like a job?”
“A job…?” he frowns “A job doing what?”
“Let me buy you a drink and… we can tell you all about it at my table…”
---
Support me on Patreon for early access to upcoming releases!
---
Previous Interlewd XXVII Next First
Dramatis Personae
submitted by YukiteruAmano92 to HFY [link] [comments]
---Job---
---Lhamo’s perspective---
---2686 Terran Calenda27 years BF---
I watch the British woman of FrancoJapanese parentage stride from the floor of the Parliament of our (recently capitulated) enemies.
She is surrounded by four of the most physically imposing Humans I’ve ever seen! Not one of them less than 210cm!
I suppose, when our army numbers in the hundreds of billions, finding one-in-a-millions isn’t too hard(!)
Me and the rest of her retinue fall in behind her as she passes through the vomitorium and turns to my left, her right, towards her temporary office.
As large in stature as the durasteel clad soldiers are, they do not compare to the woman’s android husband, 230cm tall and, from the sound of his bare footfalls, a few hundred kilos in mass!
We reach the door of the (newly designated) office of the Terran Representative and she snarls “You four, guard the door…” addressing her bodyguards “…Ezra, Zurab, Lhamo, inside… Everyone else, piss off and find something to do!”
The door closes behind us.
“Bug sweep, darling…” says the woman, exhaustedly.
“No bugs detected.” answers her husband, instantly.
She slumps onto the chair that had to be brought from our ship after the one provided by the Parliament collapsed under her weight the first time she sat in it.
Tilting her head back, she asks “So… how did I do?”
“You did wonderfully, sweetheart.” answers Ezra, immediately, in his flat, serene cadence.
She reaches a hand out to one of his and says “Thank you, darling! You are my rock… but I was really asking these two…” gesturing at me and the KartveloTamil man with her other hand.
“My opinion…” smiles Mudaliar “…pitch perfect! No notes!”
“Agreed.” I concur.
She leans her elbows onto the table in front of her, quickly removing them when she hears its groans of protest.
“There’ll be a lot of people back home who think that we let them off too easy… who’ll think that we should have pulled a fucking Versailles on their arses!” she muses.
“A punitive Peace would foster resentment in the gardenworlder populace… They would feel as if their leaders stabbed them in the back by surrendering… Not to mention giving ammunition to antideathworlder bigots!… We need future generations of gardenworlders to think their ancestors were wrong to declare War on us, not wrong to sue for Peace…” I remind her.
“Enumerating their various hypocrisies, warcrimes and the many violations of their own laws that they perpetrated serves that end well… Hundreds of trillions of GU citizens, who personally had little to nothing to do with the War, suddenly finding their salaries cut in half to pay our War reparations would very much be counter to it(!)… Let us hope that demanding the most heinous warcriminals be remanded to Terran custody to stand trial placates the sabre rattlers back home…” adds Mudaliar.
“Yes, but…! I don’t know… I feel like we should have got something more from them!… Instructions on how to reproduce their more advanced tech, maybe…?”
Mudaliar purses his lips in a joyless smile and shakes his head “We just (relatively handily) defeated them in a War with technology centuries behind theirs… Their tech is not something we can ask them to trust us with yet… we need to build their trust first. It’s going to take time… It’s going to take…”
*Knock**Knock**Knock**Knock**Knock**Knock*
“What!?” snarls Miyazaki to whatever poor unfortunate soul is requesting entry.
One of the towering guards, in their sleek, state of the art durasteel, enters.
“Apologies for the interruption, Mistress Miyazaki… There’s a delivery for you. Already been scanned for explosive, biological and chemical agents etc… It’s clean.”
“A delivery…?” she says, screwing up her face in a mixture of confusion and contempt for a moment before shifting to appraisal and beckoning wordlessly.
The towering man enters the room and stands to one side, revealing a small woman with pink skin, purple tendrils covering her scalp, three teal eyes and three legs with one too many joints.
The girl looks terrified as she walks in, a levitating platform following behind her with a heavy looking cube (around a metre wide, deep and tall) on top.
Looking as if she might be about to burst into tears from her fear, the pink skinned girl holds out a holo toward Miyazaki (though still around 8m away) and says “C-c-could you… s-s-s-sssign h-here, p-please?”
“What am I signing for?” asks Miyazaki, flatly.
“Th-this?” says the scared delivery girl, gesturing at the glossy cube.
Fury flashes across Miyazaki’s face and, before she can traumatise the poor girl, I step in.
“I think what our Representative means is that we weren’t expecting a delivery… Would you mind telling us what this is?” I say, kindly, smiling (without teeth) down at the girl.
“I-it’s… a d-data drive…?” she asks more than tells.
A data drive!?
That’s absurd!!!
With how insanely advanced their computing is, a physical storage device this large would represent several multiples of all the information Humanity has ever set to page!
“What’s on this data drive, sweetie?” I smile, trying not to betray any of my desperate curiosity to her.
“It’s a c-compendium… of a-all Galactic Union t-technologies and ssscience…”
The room stands in stunned silence for 9 straight seconds while we all process what the little xeno girl just said.
She shifts uncomfortably, looking at Miyazaki and, clearly, unwilling to approach her.
Shellshocked, I eventually manage to say “I… can… sign… for that…”
Looking relieved, she hands me her holo and a stylus.
I scrawl out my name in the abugidic script of my native Tibetan, my hand then making a second pass on the line, adding the vowel markers.
The girl looks thoroughly relieved not to have had to get any closer than she is to the intimidating woman behind the desk, in the formal blue dress.
I hand the device back to her and she uses it to direct the platform to unload its cargo.
She does not wait to be dismissed, beating a hasty retreat from the room, leaving behind the single most valuable object ever possessed by Terrankind!
---2687 Terran Calenda26 years BF---
“We need gardenworlders!” growls Miyazaki, frustratedly, as we pore over the plans for the new agency we’re trying to design “This needs to be more than just the Terran embassy to the GU and vice versa! It needs to set the tone for all our interactions moving forward! We need qualified gardenworlders, ready, willing and able to work alongside the Terran staff! Helping us build our networks and win over potential allies in the Parliament!”
“Yes… well… unless you want to kidnap a complement of gardenworlders to staff it as forced labour, then our choices are open it with a Terran dominated staff and hope we can entice more gardenworld employees at a later date or delay it… again!” points out a weary Mudaliar.
“Guys…” I interject, equally wearily “…I think we’re past the point of productivity for this evening… how about we call it quits and come back to it with fresh eyes, tomorrow?”
“Good idea…” he answers.
The two of us begin getting up but Miyazaki says “Wait…”
We turn to look at her, expectantly.
“How about we go out tonight?… No shoptalk, I promise!…Just think it might be good for us to have a night to cut loose… just the four of us… five, if that hot, young nurse you’re dating wants to come, Zurab?”
Mudaliar smiles “I appreciate the offer… but I really need to sleep… Raincheck?”
“Fair enough… Lhamo?”
I hesitate, considering.
---later---
“Wooooo! Shots! Shots! Shots! Shots shots SHOTS!!!” shouts a merry Miyazaki as she and I raise small glasses of weak spirits to our lips, in a booth in the xeno bar, and tip them down our throats.
Her android husband mimics the action with an empty glass.
She slams her glass onto the table and releases a sigh as she slumps against the padded seatback.
Her expression turns slightly melancholic as she says “Y’know… I don’t know if I’m the right woman for this job…”
“You are.” replies her husband, instantly, almost displaying an emotion for a second there(!) “The fact that you were appointed above all other potential candidates should prove your fitness for the role. They could have chosen anyone and they chose you.”
“I agree with your husband… but what makes you say that, Jeanne?” I query.
“IIIII don’t knooow…” she grumbles “…I sort of feel like I was chosen on the strength of my reputation… and my parents’ reputation for ferocity… but, the thing is, while my mum and my shitstain of a father could give a fiery speech, they also had all the other skills you need to be a diplomat as well!… I feel like I’ve got one skill and it’s scaring people!”
“That’s why I’m here, sweetheart.” smiles Ezra, serenely “You’re the stick and I’m the carrot…”
“Thank you, darling… It’s just… much as I hate to give that man the credit… difficult not to think that my father would’ve done a better job if he’d managed to make it hear without getting his ship blasted out of the sky!”
While I have far more sense than to ever say it, it’s absolutely apparent that the husband Jeanne ‘Blitz’ Miyazaki commissioned for herself is, in all ways, the polar opposite of the late father she despises!
I only ever knew him by his reputation but; where her father was a passionate firebrand, Ezra is calm, measured and tranquil.
Where her father was a gorgeous heartthrob who became a handsome silver fox in his later life, her husband (while certainly not ugly) is definitely much plainer in his looks.
Where her father famously favoured flamboyant modern dress, her husband’s wardrobe looks straight out of a Unification era vid in its conservativeness.
Where her father had a slight frame and a diminutive stature, her husband is tall and solidly built.
And, where Yuki ‘Blizzard’ Miyazaki famously left his wife, Charlotte ‘Guerre’ d’Aureville , after a scandalous extramarital affair with Tombe ‘Breeze’ Upash (another (obviously married) diplomat, no less!) in a move that would have sunk the career of anyone else in his line of work, Ezra certainly seems as if he only has eyes for her!
Several times, she has expressed the thought that raising her half sister, Emiko, to be a decent person is the only good thing that man ever did!
My rumination on that is cut short, before I can answer her imposter syndrome, when she says “You ever consider the diplomat track, Lhamo?”
I give a rueful smile as I answer “I’d need a spouse for that, Jeanne(!)”
Her eyebrows raise in surprise as she says “Oh… you’re ace? I didn’t realise…”
I chuckle and shake my head “Not ace… just 42 with crowsfeet…” I gesture to the corners of my eyes “…I feel like, if I were going to meet Mr Right, it would have happened by now(!)”
“Bah…!” she dismisses, letting out her Francophone side for a second(!) “…None of this ‘too old to find love’ tripe! You’re still a stunner!… Not to mention an intelligent, vibrant woman with a fantastic personality!…Plus… we’re this close to cracking regen!… Pretty soon, 42 will be the new 25… along with every other age over 25(!) You’ve got all the time in the world!… It’d be really great to be able to hand this job off to you or Zurab!… Either of you’d do better than me, I’m sure!… I could go back to Earth, safe in the knowledge that things were being taken care of!”
“Ma’am…” I lean forward and reassuringly pat her wrist “…I promise you, you are the best person for the job… certainly at the moment, anyway!… Please grace us with your presence for a few more years at least!”
She chuckles “How about you get the next round and we’ll make a toast of it(!)”
I smile back “No problem… but I don’t think we’ll be allowed anymore of these…” I gesture to the, one-per-customer, shot glasses.
“Vinjirian ale… 900ml.” says the woman, immediately.
“I will take an empty 900ml glass.” states her husband.
“Got it.” I smile.
“Don’t drink any until Ezra can run chem analysis on it… Don’t want to get drugged!” she reminds me, seriously.
“I promise I won’t!” I chuckle, walking away.
“Oh, and watch him pour! Make sure he doesn’t spit in it or anything!” she adds, a little louder than she needs to but not loud enough that I think the large, porcine, xeno barman will have heard her.
I cross the crowded bar and step to the counter.
“Two Vinjirian ales and an empty glass, please… 900ml, all. Pretty sure you have our waivers for it already.” I smile, with closed lips, up at the orange xeno with the piglike face.
He oinks an acknowledgement and starts pouring.
As I watch him, I notice myself being noticed by a xeno at the far end of the bar.
I don’t turn to look but keep track of him in my periphery while my foveal focus rests, squarely, on the drinks being drawn.
He stands.
“Fuck…” I whisper to myself.
There’s one of two reasons a xeno is likely to be approaching me: either, he’s going to angrily vent at me about how I’m a monster and caused him to lose X number of loved ones in the War… or he’s about to test the rumours about Human promiscuity…
I’m not particularly in the mood for either but I really hope it’s the latter… I don’t know that I would trust the proprietor to take my side if one of his gardenworld patrons gets belligerent.
As the man approaches, he occupies more and more of my attention to the point that, even though I’m looking right at them, I wouldn’t necessarily see if our drinks were tampered with!
Good thing I’ve got a walking laboratory back at my table(!)
The gigantic man has now made it to within a metre of me on my left and stands, looming over me.
Despite the fact that I know, if push came to shove, I could probably put his head clear through the countertop without too much trouble, it’s still uncomfortable to have such a large person so close.
The first words the man speaks catch me completely off guard.
“It’s been a while, Dr Yeshe… I’m very glad to see you again!” comes a warm, familiar voice, speaking Gangsri accented Tibetan and sounding a bit like a Human with a blocked nose.
My head whips left and up, my eyes resting upon a very recognisable patch of smooth, flat, periwinkle coloured skin between two large, orange eyes.
I haven’t seen this man since I was transferred to Forward Operations, 4 years ago!
My joy is so immediate and genuine that I momentarily forget to restrain my smile, so as not to be perceived as making an aggressive display!
He doesn’t flinch at the brief flash of my teeth I involuntarily give him.
“Well, well, well, well, well!… If it isn’t my favourite prisoner of War(!) What a pleasant surprise, Wing Commander!” I say, my voice joyful.
Then, my face falls as I notice the dark blue bruise across his right eye.
“What happened to your eye, Ong?!” I ask, ready to demand the name and badge number of whatever guard it was that did that to him… then remembering that we’re no longer on Gangsri!
He casts his eyes down and shamefully confesses “It’s… not ‘Ong’ anymore… and it’s not ‘Wing Commander’ either… I’m just Ngngomg, now…”
It takes a second before the pieces click together for me.
I gasp as I realise “*Hhhhh*…You were expelled from your tribe?!”
He answers with a doleful Terran nod.
“Because you defected?”
“Just got released here, yesterday… went to my embassy… found my tribal representative… he punched me… told me not to come back to Gollogng… and… here I am…” he gestures around the bar “…drowning my sorrows(!)”
“That’s terrible, On…Ngngomg! I’m so sorry!!!”
“It’s fine…” he lies “…I’ve got some preWar savings to live on for the moment… should also be due two years salary from the GU military… but who knows when or if I’ll ever see that, given how my service ended!”
“They don’t count time spent as a POW to be time you served?” I query.
He puffs through his lips before answering “They do not, no… certainly not when you became a POW by treason!”
“Is… is there anything I can… do?” I offer, pathetically.
He gives a joyless curl of his lips and answers “Sweet of you to offer but… there’s really nothing to be done… Anyway… it was nice seeing you…” and turns to walk a way.
“Wait!” I say, a little more desperately than I mean to.
He turns back, one of his dark blue eyebrows raised quizzically.
“How would you like a job?”
“A job…?” he frowns “A job doing what?”
“Let me buy you a drink and… we can tell you all about it at my table…”
---
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2023.05.29 16:00 Shaner41 [WTS] REI Co-op Trail Hydro 30 HydroPack Backpack
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2023.05.29 15:55 Metal_Florida Day S. Florida rock community’s top voted song starting with S.
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2023.05.29 15:29 xtremexavier15 TSWT 21 (pt 1)
Girls: Eva, Izzy
Boys: Ezekiel, Mal, Owen, Topher
Episode 21: African Lying Safari
"Last time, on Total Drama World Tour!" Chris opened, the recap montage beginning with a long-distance shot of the cast assembled by the Great Wall of China. "Thaaanks, China, we had a blast," the host said over a shot of Sadie hitting a landmine on her tricycle and an explosion being seen in the distance. "Just not the kind associated with fun," Chris added as Sadie had her tricycle stuck and Owen was shown getting knocked off the Great Wall by Ezekiel's donkey.
"Especially for Mal," Chris said as the troublemaker was shown pedaling his bike after colliding with an explosion, "who not only had to lose to Topher," Topher was shown overlapping Mal on his skateboard, "but he also had his cover blown, thanks to Topher." The Chris wannabe was shown announcing Mal's existence to the rest of the contestants.
"And since she doubted everyone's suspicions when it came to Mal," Chris explained over a clip of Sadie exchanging gifts with Ezekiel, "Sadie was the one to get dropped off!" Sadie was shown receiving her parachute in shock, "right after she learned the truth about Mike not being in control," he added as Mal chucked Sadie out of the plane.
The scene moved to the cockpit. "We're down to the Final Six!" Chris told the camera. "Who won't make the Final Five, and how will everyone band up against Mal? Find out right now, on Total! Drama! World Tour!"
XXXXX
The episode opened to the traditional shot of the plane in flight before quickly moving to economy class where Mal was smirking at Topher, Eva, and Ezekiel.
"So you've been taking control of Mike's body all this time?" Ezekiel griped. "You've gotten some of us eliminated and hurt Sadie and Ella."
"Noah was right about you when he noticed how slimy you were," Eva grimly said.
"I don't even regret any of it," Mal shamelessly said. "And don't even direct all of your hatred towards me. Topher's caused some eliminations as well and worked with me in the process."
Ezekiel and Eva briefly scowled at Topher. "That is true. I did get Amy, Rodney, and Noah voted off, but I simply wanted drama," Topher tried to defend himself. "Mal, on the other hand, has gotten others severely injured and has no redeeming qualities."
"You still decided to collaborate with me even after I made you peeve off Chris in New York," Mal gloated.
"You two are jerks, and I'll have no problem getting you guys off the plane by the next challenge as payback," Eva threatened.
\
The scene flashed to first class, focusing on Owen and Izzy sitting on the couch.
"So what is that thing you're holding?" Izzy pointed at the tea bag Owen was holding.
"It's love tea," Owen confessed. "This was given to me in China. It's supposed to make us love each other more or something like that."
Izzy snatched the bag and chucked it away. "Why would you think we'd need to drink this? I love you enough as it is," she said and sat on Owen's lap.
"Wait. Really!" Owen's eyes lit up.
"Of course I do. I've missed having you around on the plane for the past days," Izzy admitted. "No matter what, you'll always be my special marshmallow."
Izzy hugged Owen affectionately. "You're a wild gal indeed," he giggled coolly.
\
The footage skipped ahead to a shot of an open and sunny savanna, the jumbo jet parked in the background on the left, and a mountain range further beyond it. The landscape was dotted with acacia trees and low shrubs and a few rocks, and a compilation of hissing, hollow notes signified the heat as the camera panned to the right.
Mal, Topher, Ezekiel, and Eva were all waiting in a line. Izzy and Owen were nowhere to be seen as of yet, but Chris did soon appear in a red robe, wearing beaded necklaces and bracelets and a bald cap, and holding a spear. The appropriated outfit earned chuckles from the three boys, and Eva grinned as well.
"Nice dress!" Mal said through his laughter.
"It's traditional Maasai warrior garb," Chris explained, "and, it came with this!" He grinned as he held up his spear, and threw it towards Mal. The malevolent one yelped and moved to the side, the weapon sailing past his torso.
"Watch it!" Mal complained.
"Trust me," Chris told him. "That's the least dangerous thing that'll happen to you today. Welcome, to beautiful Tanzania," he said. "Home of the Serengeti plains, and over seventy different kinds of animals that can kill you."
"Sorry we're late!" the voice of Owen called from off-screen, distracting the group as he and Izzy ran into the shot from the left. "We got a little distracted."
"Whatever do you mean by that?" Chris wondered.
"One minute, Big O was showing me his love tea, and then the next minute, we're both talking about our favorite drinks and movies," Izzy replied.
"Are you two a couple or what?" Mal said rudely.
"No, but we're getting somewhere around that part," Owen said.
"Okay, challenge time!" Chris piped in.
\
A flash took the scene forward to a small clearing, the camera moving in past a few tufts of long grass to show the host and contestants on the left; and Chef dressed in his winter wear, a pile of purple fruit, six gourds of various shapes lined up on pedestals, and a pair of giant wooden heads flanking the whole display on the right.
"Part one combines two of Africa's most popular sports: soccer and cricket." Chris began, holding up a soccer ball and a cricket bat as the camera finished moving in for a close-up. "I call it 'Socc-et To Me'!" he declared dramatically, adding "The 'me' being you, of course."
"Why is Chef dressed up for a blizzard?" Ezekiel asked in confusion.
"Behold, the Penalty Parka!" Chris answered as the camera cut to a close-up of the sweating pilot. "I accidentally rented this coat, and since it can't fit me, I'm making Chef wear it so I can make my money's worth. Lookin' hot Chef," he taunted.
"Each player must run, one at a time," Chris continued as he spun the soccer ball on his finger, "from the starting line to that pile of African safou plums," the camera cut over to the large box of fruit. "Grab as many as you can carry, and run back. And you'll be doing all of this while your fellow competitors pummel you with soccer balls," he added with a smile as he spun his own ball around again.
"Hold on just a minute," Topher said nervously. "Do you have helmets for us to protect our faces?"
"It's Chris. The answer is obviously no," Eva told him.
"Next, take the plums you've brought back," Chris continued, "and whack 'em with the cricket bat to smash those gourds open. Like this," he said, tossing a safou high up into the air and smacking it with the bat when it came down. The fruit sailed through the air, and cracked Chef on the head, causing him to fall to the ground.
"Whoever cracks their gourd open first wins a reward that will be muy helpful in the next challenge," Chris said, ignoring his assistant. "Now, positions people! Izzy, you're up first! Kickers, get ready."
\
Another flash, and the other five players were shown in position with several soccer balls at their feet: Topher, Ezekiel, and Eva looking ready; then a side view of a smirking Mal and worried Owen.
Izzy took a deep breath at the starting line, and got into running position. "Let's do this," she said confidently.
"Ready, steady, Serengeti!" Chris called out, and a blow from his whistle signaled the start of Izzy's run.
She took off at a dash. The camera zoomed in to show her passing Topher, Ezekiel, and Eva in the background, and the three started kicking. "Is that all you got?" she called out as she turned around and kicked the ball back.
She reached the plums, scooped up an armful, and ran back to the start. Mal was shown watching her go past in the foreground, then smirked and kicked a ball her way. It hit the wild girl in the back, causing her to drop some plums and trip on the ones she'd dropped. With a startled wail, she let the rest of them fly from her hands and fell to the ground.
"Awesome!" Chris laughed. "Ezekiel, top that." He blew his whistle, and the footage skipped ahead.
\
Ezekiel gulped from his runner's start and went forward.
The first ball came from the foreground and hit him in the arm, earning a "Hey," as he slogged forward. Another "Ugh," came from a second foreground ball, and a third from a ball from the background.
"Quit complaining!" Eva said. "You're already there!"
Ezekiel smiled in revelation as he realized he'd gotten to the safous intact. "Hey, you're right!" he said in excitement, grabbing an armful of plums then turning and tripping over his own legs and landing face-first in the dirt.
"Owen, your go!" Chris announced, blowing his whistle again.
\
Owen jogged away from the starting line. The soccer balls hit him, but he managed to move on. "Dad was right. Being big does pay off!" he said positively.
The funniest guy around made it to the plums and grabbed two armfuls. He ran back to the line, and even though the balls were being kicked harder and faster, he prevailed and crossed the line with a lot of plums.
"I'd like to see anyone beat him!" Chris said. "Your turn, Topher!"
\
"I should just get this over with," Topher said to himself, racing off the starting line and immediately jumping over a ball kicked his way from behind the camera. "Please don't hit my face! I need my face!" he yelled, avoiding a second ball and covering his head. He was able to grab a load of plums.
"Maybe I could-" he said, a head-on perspective showing him running back...and getting tripped by a soccer ball on the leg from the right.
"Hey! Who did that?!" Topher asked irately, and Mal just snickered in response.
"Alright! Mal is next!" Chris declared before blowing his whistle yet again.
\
Mal took off running, and had to duck under a ball almost immediately. "Careful where you kick that!" he shot at Topher.
"No way!" Topher countered, launching another soccer ball.
"I'm going to aim for the head," Eva told him before kicking a ball of her own.
The shot cut to Mal as he narrowly dodged the second ball, but then seemed unable to dodge the third...but a ball came from the other side and struck the one Eva had kicked, and both fell to the ground harmlessly. "You have to try harder than that!" Mal taunted.
The scene skipped ahead to show Mal grabbing his plums, then turning around. Ezekiel kicked another ball, only for it to miss; the shot from Izzy that had been intended to intercept it also missed its target, though it did come close to hitting Mal.
"I am not sorry about that!" Izzy called out.
Owen kicked a ball himself, and on the other side Topher did as well. The two were shown in split-screen, Topher's going wide but then bounced back on course by Owen's, hitting Mal in the gut and knocking him over.
"How do you like that?!" Topher called out to Mal, looking somewhat pleased.
"And then there was one," Chris announced. "Bring it on, Eva!" He blew his whistle.
\
Eva's start was strong, and she immediately did a series of kicks at the first four balls sent her way. The rest of the contestants stopped and looked on in shock.
The female bully managed to bring an armload of plums back across the line without issue.
Confessional: Eva
"Is it any surprise to you that I'm a pro at soccer?" Eva gruffly told the camera. "I should just ask the producers to give me the million dollars already."
Confessional Ends
"Remember," Chris told the cast as the footage cut back to the six lined up at the starting line with their cricket bats, "first person to smash through gets the advantage! Aaaaand go!"
Izzy and Owen were shown tossing their first plums into the air and making their first swings; Owen missed and groaned in disappointment, but Izzy managed to smack her safou on the first go. The camera cut to the gourds, where Chef was sweating too profusely to try and dodge the plums that were flying his way and completely missing their intended targets but hitting him.
The shot cut in closer to Eva as he wound up and swung, then followed the plum as it shot across the field and struck a gourd on the other side: it was cracked, but not broken. "I'm more into smashing things with the bat," Eva said as the shot cut back to her.
"Mal doesn't seem to be having much trouble," Chris commented as the villain struck another plum; it, too, sped across the playing field and struck the gourd opposite and deepened an already existing crack.
"It's all in the wrist! I can feel it!" Topher confidently declared, tossing a safou of his own and twirling the cricket bat with his wrist as he swung. They connected, but the plum went up in an arc, and ended up hitting Mal in the head and interrupting his swing.
"Don't make me hit you with my bat!" Mal complained, rubbing where he'd been hit.
"You can save that for later," Ezekiel told him, taking a powerful swing himself; it managed to hit the plum straight through his gourd, finally breaking it. "Because I just won this!" he declared proudly.
"And the winner of our first challenge is, Ezekiel!" Chris announced.
"Yes!" Ezekiel announced in triumph.
\
The footage skipped ahead a little, showing Ezekiel standing on the sidelines with Chris while the other five readied their bats again, "The rest of you have ten seconds left to crack your gourd," the host told them. "And trust me, you want what's inside!"
\
Another flash ahead, and Mal was shown swinging his cricket bat and smacking a safou straight through his gourd, finally smashing it. Eva looked at him, scowled, then spun around and tossed her cricket bat like a hammer; by sheer luck, she managed to smash her own gourd with it.
Topher, taking inspiration from the girl, threw his bat as well. It cracked his gourd successfully.
Izzy was next, smacking her two safous as hard as she could, and managed to knock the gourd clear off its pedestal. Luckily, it cracked open when it hit the ground.
Last was Owen, who took a breath and readied a more traditional swing. "Okay, last one,"she said to herself, tossing the safou up and smacking it hard when it came back down. Unfortunately, however, he missed his gourd and hit Chef in the groin instead, the pilot groaned in pain and fell over.
"Broken, but not a gourd," Chris told him. "No success for Owen will make it much harder for him to deal with this!"
He pointed dramatically to the side, where a tall crate had just been wheeled in by a white male intern. Whatever was inside the crate seemed angry, growling, snarling and making the box shake.
"Uhh, should we be running right now?" Ezekiel asked as he and Izzy gave the crate nervous looks.
"Yes, you should be scared," Chris said, mostly ignoring the comment as he walked over to the crate. "Part two of our challenge is a genuine African safari. And the prey?" He knocked on the crate, which shook again as another angry growl came from inside. The contestants gasped. "Why only the most dangerous animal of all," Chris said dramatically, the intern nervously prying open the crate to reveal a metal cage within, with a familiar shadow inside.
"A clone of Ezekiel!" Chris finished, the camera zooming in on the form inside the cage.
The clone snarled from in the cage. It still looked like Ezekiel, but its clothes were torn and shabby, his footwear and hat was gone completely, and his skin had turned greenish. In addition to that, his hair was gone and only a few strands could be seen.
The cast gasped again. "Where did that thing come from?!" Topher squimished.
"Turns out it got on the plane back in Area 51!" Chris said, looking back at the cage and flinching at the glare Ezekiel Clone was giving him. "Once I checked the security footage," Chris explained as the clone snarled, "Chef went a-hunting and found the possible alien down in the hold."
"I should warn you, though," Chris said from off-screen, "he's totally feral thanks to all that time with the animals." The clone gave the camera a frightening look.
Chris turned back to the contestants. "Whoever nabs the beast known as Ezekiel Clone wins invincibility, and! First class seats to our next destination."
"With the player of our choice," Matthew said. "Where's my reward?"
"In a second!" Chris replied snippily. "Go to your gourds and check inside," he said as the camera pulled back to show Ezekiel Clone trying to reach him from his cage. "They contain what you'll use to hunt with."
"A slingshot! Cool!" Izzy said in excitement, holding up the weapon and practicing pulling it back. "I've broken a lot of windows with these as a kid!" She released the rubber band and it snapped forward.
"What's the pouch for?" Eva asked, holding up a small leather belt and pouch. "Magic beans?"
"Close," Chris told her before reaching inside her opened gourd and taking out a small, squishy pink ball. "Tranquilizer balls!" he announced with glee. "Sling 'em with enough velocity and they burst on contact, numbing the area and releasing a hearty dose of sleepy-time goodness." He turned his attention to the side. "Watch, as this intern demonstrates."
He shot a tranq ball at the intern who had wheeled in the cage, and was now eating a sandwich. The ball struck him in the shoulder and released a small cloud of pink gas, which promptly caused the man's eyes to roll back in his head before he fell over. He landed in front of Ezekiel Clone, who immediately snarled and tried to grab the fallen sandwich from his hands.
"See?" Chris said as the shot cut back to the cast. "It's like paintball, only with naps! Now, stand back people. We're gonna give the violent alien a head start. Hey Frosty!" he called back towards the cage with a laugh.
Chef was sweating through his outfit as he shakily moved a key towards the cage's lock, and at the host's call of "Release the beast!" He put it in the keyhole, turned it, and was promptly trampled as the door was slammed open and Ezekiel Clone jumped out, snarled, and ran.
"It doesn't even look like Ezekiel," Mal responded.
"That's because I'm the real deal," Ezekiel said.
"Okay!" Chris said with his usual grin. "Since Ezekiel won the first challenge, he gets six tranq balls," he said before handing over a handful of pink pellets to the grinning prairie boy. "Mal and Izzy, you cracked yours open so you get three," he told the troublemaker and psycho, handing over the ammunition as Eva and Topher looked on. "Eva and Topher, two each," the host told the pair.
"Why are you giving us two?" Eva squinted.
"We cracked our gourds too!" Topher protested.
"Technically, the two of you beat your gourds with cricket bats," Chris corrected as Ezekiel Clone could be seen chasing the intern in the background before turning to the last contestant. "And Owen, since you didn't put a dent in your gourd, you get these," he handed the food fanatic a pair of safety goggles, "and one tranq ball."
"No slingshot?" Owen asked in disappointment. "I have a lot of plums still."
"Nope. You're just gonna have to throw the balls hard enough to make 'em burst," Chris told him. "Which will be hilariously unsuccessful, I'm sure."
"Aaand," he said, the shot pulling back as Chef blew on a large horn, "go!"
At the signal, the six teens, all now wearing safety goggles, ran off.
\
The scene flashed forward to a rightward pan across the savanna, Topher speaking before the camera reached him.
"Can one of you give me an extra tranquilizer ball?" Topher said, eventually being shown traveling with Ezekiel and Mal. "Having two sucks."
"I have one more than you, and I'm going to go alone," Mal refused and left the two alone. "See you dorks after I win."
Ezekiel squinted his eyes at him. "He's a total knob. I swear."
Topher put his arm around Ezekiel. "How about we team up and take him down?" he suggested. "If he doesn't win invincibility, everyone will vote him off."
"I do like the idea of seeing him jump off the plane," Ezekiel agreed. "I'm in."
Confessional: Topher
"I know I'll be targeted next after Mal is gone, but I'll think about what to do after this day is over," Topher admitted.
Confessional Ends
"I remember watching you guys catch the Ripper back in London, but I forgot how you did it," Owen told Izzy and Eva while the three navigated.
"We had to use a burlap sack to do it, but this time, we have to roll with tranquilizer balls," Eva said.
"If you combine them all as a group, we have six overall," Izzy said.
"Six divided by three equals two, and each of us should have two tranq balls just to be safe," Owen explained.
"Keep an eye out for that clone," Eva advised her team. "We have no idea what it can do."
Confessional: Izzy
"I'm relentlessly good at tracking down prey," Izzy said. "The last time I had a date planned, this guy stood me up just to move to another state. I tracked him down, and what happened after wasn't pretty."
Confessional Ends
The scene moved to a low-to-the-ground shot of a rustling bush. Mal walked in from the left, and smirked at the bush. "Are you ready for your nap, alien reject?"
He was answered by a low roar, and a yellowish paw stepped out from the bush.
"A lion?" Mal said blankly as a male lion stepped out. "I wasn't going to tranquilize you. There's this alien-"
The lion interrupted with a roar, causing Mal to take a step back.
"I'm not wasting my ammo on this lion!" Mal yelled before turning and fleeing, and it looked like the lion was going to give chase before the sudden appearance of Chris in the foreground distracted it.
"Who will survive?" he asked the camera. "King of the Jungle, or King of the Fumble? Find out right after this, on Total! Drama! World Tour!"
The lion roared at him, and he turned and fled screaming as well.
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(Commercial Break)
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submitted by xtremexavier15 to u/xtremexavier15 [link] [comments]
Boys: Ezekiel, Mal, Owen, Topher
Episode 21: African Lying Safari
"Last time, on Total Drama World Tour!" Chris opened, the recap montage beginning with a long-distance shot of the cast assembled by the Great Wall of China. "Thaaanks, China, we had a blast," the host said over a shot of Sadie hitting a landmine on her tricycle and an explosion being seen in the distance. "Just not the kind associated with fun," Chris added as Sadie had her tricycle stuck and Owen was shown getting knocked off the Great Wall by Ezekiel's donkey.
"Especially for Mal," Chris said as the troublemaker was shown pedaling his bike after colliding with an explosion, "who not only had to lose to Topher," Topher was shown overlapping Mal on his skateboard, "but he also had his cover blown, thanks to Topher." The Chris wannabe was shown announcing Mal's existence to the rest of the contestants.
"And since she doubted everyone's suspicions when it came to Mal," Chris explained over a clip of Sadie exchanging gifts with Ezekiel, "Sadie was the one to get dropped off!" Sadie was shown receiving her parachute in shock, "right after she learned the truth about Mike not being in control," he added as Mal chucked Sadie out of the plane.
The scene moved to the cockpit. "We're down to the Final Six!" Chris told the camera. "Who won't make the Final Five, and how will everyone band up against Mal? Find out right now, on Total! Drama! World Tour!"
XXXXX
The episode opened to the traditional shot of the plane in flight before quickly moving to economy class where Mal was smirking at Topher, Eva, and Ezekiel.
"So you've been taking control of Mike's body all this time?" Ezekiel griped. "You've gotten some of us eliminated and hurt Sadie and Ella."
"Noah was right about you when he noticed how slimy you were," Eva grimly said.
"I don't even regret any of it," Mal shamelessly said. "And don't even direct all of your hatred towards me. Topher's caused some eliminations as well and worked with me in the process."
Ezekiel and Eva briefly scowled at Topher. "That is true. I did get Amy, Rodney, and Noah voted off, but I simply wanted drama," Topher tried to defend himself. "Mal, on the other hand, has gotten others severely injured and has no redeeming qualities."
"You still decided to collaborate with me even after I made you peeve off Chris in New York," Mal gloated.
"You two are jerks, and I'll have no problem getting you guys off the plane by the next challenge as payback," Eva threatened.
\
The scene flashed to first class, focusing on Owen and Izzy sitting on the couch.
"So what is that thing you're holding?" Izzy pointed at the tea bag Owen was holding.
"It's love tea," Owen confessed. "This was given to me in China. It's supposed to make us love each other more or something like that."
Izzy snatched the bag and chucked it away. "Why would you think we'd need to drink this? I love you enough as it is," she said and sat on Owen's lap.
"Wait. Really!" Owen's eyes lit up.
"Of course I do. I've missed having you around on the plane for the past days," Izzy admitted. "No matter what, you'll always be my special marshmallow."
Izzy hugged Owen affectionately. "You're a wild gal indeed," he giggled coolly.
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The footage skipped ahead to a shot of an open and sunny savanna, the jumbo jet parked in the background on the left, and a mountain range further beyond it. The landscape was dotted with acacia trees and low shrubs and a few rocks, and a compilation of hissing, hollow notes signified the heat as the camera panned to the right.
Mal, Topher, Ezekiel, and Eva were all waiting in a line. Izzy and Owen were nowhere to be seen as of yet, but Chris did soon appear in a red robe, wearing beaded necklaces and bracelets and a bald cap, and holding a spear. The appropriated outfit earned chuckles from the three boys, and Eva grinned as well.
"Nice dress!" Mal said through his laughter.
"It's traditional Maasai warrior garb," Chris explained, "and, it came with this!" He grinned as he held up his spear, and threw it towards Mal. The malevolent one yelped and moved to the side, the weapon sailing past his torso.
"Watch it!" Mal complained.
"Trust me," Chris told him. "That's the least dangerous thing that'll happen to you today. Welcome, to beautiful Tanzania," he said. "Home of the Serengeti plains, and over seventy different kinds of animals that can kill you."
"Sorry we're late!" the voice of Owen called from off-screen, distracting the group as he and Izzy ran into the shot from the left. "We got a little distracted."
"Whatever do you mean by that?" Chris wondered.
"One minute, Big O was showing me his love tea, and then the next minute, we're both talking about our favorite drinks and movies," Izzy replied.
"Are you two a couple or what?" Mal said rudely.
"No, but we're getting somewhere around that part," Owen said.
"Okay, challenge time!" Chris piped in.
\
A flash took the scene forward to a small clearing, the camera moving in past a few tufts of long grass to show the host and contestants on the left; and Chef dressed in his winter wear, a pile of purple fruit, six gourds of various shapes lined up on pedestals, and a pair of giant wooden heads flanking the whole display on the right.
"Part one combines two of Africa's most popular sports: soccer and cricket." Chris began, holding up a soccer ball and a cricket bat as the camera finished moving in for a close-up. "I call it 'Socc-et To Me'!" he declared dramatically, adding "The 'me' being you, of course."
"Why is Chef dressed up for a blizzard?" Ezekiel asked in confusion.
"Behold, the Penalty Parka!" Chris answered as the camera cut to a close-up of the sweating pilot. "I accidentally rented this coat, and since it can't fit me, I'm making Chef wear it so I can make my money's worth. Lookin' hot Chef," he taunted.
"Each player must run, one at a time," Chris continued as he spun the soccer ball on his finger, "from the starting line to that pile of African safou plums," the camera cut over to the large box of fruit. "Grab as many as you can carry, and run back. And you'll be doing all of this while your fellow competitors pummel you with soccer balls," he added with a smile as he spun his own ball around again.
"Hold on just a minute," Topher said nervously. "Do you have helmets for us to protect our faces?"
"It's Chris. The answer is obviously no," Eva told him.
"Next, take the plums you've brought back," Chris continued, "and whack 'em with the cricket bat to smash those gourds open. Like this," he said, tossing a safou high up into the air and smacking it with the bat when it came down. The fruit sailed through the air, and cracked Chef on the head, causing him to fall to the ground.
"Whoever cracks their gourd open first wins a reward that will be muy helpful in the next challenge," Chris said, ignoring his assistant. "Now, positions people! Izzy, you're up first! Kickers, get ready."
\
Another flash, and the other five players were shown in position with several soccer balls at their feet: Topher, Ezekiel, and Eva looking ready; then a side view of a smirking Mal and worried Owen.
Izzy took a deep breath at the starting line, and got into running position. "Let's do this," she said confidently.
"Ready, steady, Serengeti!" Chris called out, and a blow from his whistle signaled the start of Izzy's run.
She took off at a dash. The camera zoomed in to show her passing Topher, Ezekiel, and Eva in the background, and the three started kicking. "Is that all you got?" she called out as she turned around and kicked the ball back.
She reached the plums, scooped up an armful, and ran back to the start. Mal was shown watching her go past in the foreground, then smirked and kicked a ball her way. It hit the wild girl in the back, causing her to drop some plums and trip on the ones she'd dropped. With a startled wail, she let the rest of them fly from her hands and fell to the ground.
"Awesome!" Chris laughed. "Ezekiel, top that." He blew his whistle, and the footage skipped ahead.
\
Ezekiel gulped from his runner's start and went forward.
The first ball came from the foreground and hit him in the arm, earning a "Hey," as he slogged forward. Another "Ugh," came from a second foreground ball, and a third from a ball from the background.
"Quit complaining!" Eva said. "You're already there!"
Ezekiel smiled in revelation as he realized he'd gotten to the safous intact. "Hey, you're right!" he said in excitement, grabbing an armful of plums then turning and tripping over his own legs and landing face-first in the dirt.
"Owen, your go!" Chris announced, blowing his whistle again.
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Owen jogged away from the starting line. The soccer balls hit him, but he managed to move on. "Dad was right. Being big does pay off!" he said positively.
The funniest guy around made it to the plums and grabbed two armfuls. He ran back to the line, and even though the balls were being kicked harder and faster, he prevailed and crossed the line with a lot of plums.
"I'd like to see anyone beat him!" Chris said. "Your turn, Topher!"
\
"I should just get this over with," Topher said to himself, racing off the starting line and immediately jumping over a ball kicked his way from behind the camera. "Please don't hit my face! I need my face!" he yelled, avoiding a second ball and covering his head. He was able to grab a load of plums.
"Maybe I could-" he said, a head-on perspective showing him running back...and getting tripped by a soccer ball on the leg from the right.
"Hey! Who did that?!" Topher asked irately, and Mal just snickered in response.
"Alright! Mal is next!" Chris declared before blowing his whistle yet again.
\
Mal took off running, and had to duck under a ball almost immediately. "Careful where you kick that!" he shot at Topher.
"No way!" Topher countered, launching another soccer ball.
"I'm going to aim for the head," Eva told him before kicking a ball of her own.
The shot cut to Mal as he narrowly dodged the second ball, but then seemed unable to dodge the third...but a ball came from the other side and struck the one Eva had kicked, and both fell to the ground harmlessly. "You have to try harder than that!" Mal taunted.
The scene skipped ahead to show Mal grabbing his plums, then turning around. Ezekiel kicked another ball, only for it to miss; the shot from Izzy that had been intended to intercept it also missed its target, though it did come close to hitting Mal.
"I am not sorry about that!" Izzy called out.
Owen kicked a ball himself, and on the other side Topher did as well. The two were shown in split-screen, Topher's going wide but then bounced back on course by Owen's, hitting Mal in the gut and knocking him over.
"How do you like that?!" Topher called out to Mal, looking somewhat pleased.
"And then there was one," Chris announced. "Bring it on, Eva!" He blew his whistle.
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Eva's start was strong, and she immediately did a series of kicks at the first four balls sent her way. The rest of the contestants stopped and looked on in shock.
The female bully managed to bring an armload of plums back across the line without issue.
Confessional: Eva
"Is it any surprise to you that I'm a pro at soccer?" Eva gruffly told the camera. "I should just ask the producers to give me the million dollars already."
Confessional Ends
"Remember," Chris told the cast as the footage cut back to the six lined up at the starting line with their cricket bats, "first person to smash through gets the advantage! Aaaaand go!"
Izzy and Owen were shown tossing their first plums into the air and making their first swings; Owen missed and groaned in disappointment, but Izzy managed to smack her safou on the first go. The camera cut to the gourds, where Chef was sweating too profusely to try and dodge the plums that were flying his way and completely missing their intended targets but hitting him.
The shot cut in closer to Eva as he wound up and swung, then followed the plum as it shot across the field and struck a gourd on the other side: it was cracked, but not broken. "I'm more into smashing things with the bat," Eva said as the shot cut back to her.
"Mal doesn't seem to be having much trouble," Chris commented as the villain struck another plum; it, too, sped across the playing field and struck the gourd opposite and deepened an already existing crack.
"It's all in the wrist! I can feel it!" Topher confidently declared, tossing a safou of his own and twirling the cricket bat with his wrist as he swung. They connected, but the plum went up in an arc, and ended up hitting Mal in the head and interrupting his swing.
"Don't make me hit you with my bat!" Mal complained, rubbing where he'd been hit.
"You can save that for later," Ezekiel told him, taking a powerful swing himself; it managed to hit the plum straight through his gourd, finally breaking it. "Because I just won this!" he declared proudly.
"And the winner of our first challenge is, Ezekiel!" Chris announced.
"Yes!" Ezekiel announced in triumph.
\
The footage skipped ahead a little, showing Ezekiel standing on the sidelines with Chris while the other five readied their bats again, "The rest of you have ten seconds left to crack your gourd," the host told them. "And trust me, you want what's inside!"
\
Another flash ahead, and Mal was shown swinging his cricket bat and smacking a safou straight through his gourd, finally smashing it. Eva looked at him, scowled, then spun around and tossed her cricket bat like a hammer; by sheer luck, she managed to smash her own gourd with it.
Topher, taking inspiration from the girl, threw his bat as well. It cracked his gourd successfully.
Izzy was next, smacking her two safous as hard as she could, and managed to knock the gourd clear off its pedestal. Luckily, it cracked open when it hit the ground.
Last was Owen, who took a breath and readied a more traditional swing. "Okay, last one,"she said to herself, tossing the safou up and smacking it hard when it came back down. Unfortunately, however, he missed his gourd and hit Chef in the groin instead, the pilot groaned in pain and fell over.
"Broken, but not a gourd," Chris told him. "No success for Owen will make it much harder for him to deal with this!"
He pointed dramatically to the side, where a tall crate had just been wheeled in by a white male intern. Whatever was inside the crate seemed angry, growling, snarling and making the box shake.
"Uhh, should we be running right now?" Ezekiel asked as he and Izzy gave the crate nervous looks.
"Yes, you should be scared," Chris said, mostly ignoring the comment as he walked over to the crate. "Part two of our challenge is a genuine African safari. And the prey?" He knocked on the crate, which shook again as another angry growl came from inside. The contestants gasped. "Why only the most dangerous animal of all," Chris said dramatically, the intern nervously prying open the crate to reveal a metal cage within, with a familiar shadow inside.
"A clone of Ezekiel!" Chris finished, the camera zooming in on the form inside the cage.
The clone snarled from in the cage. It still looked like Ezekiel, but its clothes were torn and shabby, his footwear and hat was gone completely, and his skin had turned greenish. In addition to that, his hair was gone and only a few strands could be seen.
The cast gasped again. "Where did that thing come from?!" Topher squimished.
"Turns out it got on the plane back in Area 51!" Chris said, looking back at the cage and flinching at the glare Ezekiel Clone was giving him. "Once I checked the security footage," Chris explained as the clone snarled, "Chef went a-hunting and found the possible alien down in the hold."
"I should warn you, though," Chris said from off-screen, "he's totally feral thanks to all that time with the animals." The clone gave the camera a frightening look.
Chris turned back to the contestants. "Whoever nabs the beast known as Ezekiel Clone wins invincibility, and! First class seats to our next destination."
"With the player of our choice," Matthew said. "Where's my reward?"
"In a second!" Chris replied snippily. "Go to your gourds and check inside," he said as the camera pulled back to show Ezekiel Clone trying to reach him from his cage. "They contain what you'll use to hunt with."
"A slingshot! Cool!" Izzy said in excitement, holding up the weapon and practicing pulling it back. "I've broken a lot of windows with these as a kid!" She released the rubber band and it snapped forward.
"What's the pouch for?" Eva asked, holding up a small leather belt and pouch. "Magic beans?"
"Close," Chris told her before reaching inside her opened gourd and taking out a small, squishy pink ball. "Tranquilizer balls!" he announced with glee. "Sling 'em with enough velocity and they burst on contact, numbing the area and releasing a hearty dose of sleepy-time goodness." He turned his attention to the side. "Watch, as this intern demonstrates."
He shot a tranq ball at the intern who had wheeled in the cage, and was now eating a sandwich. The ball struck him in the shoulder and released a small cloud of pink gas, which promptly caused the man's eyes to roll back in his head before he fell over. He landed in front of Ezekiel Clone, who immediately snarled and tried to grab the fallen sandwich from his hands.
"See?" Chris said as the shot cut back to the cast. "It's like paintball, only with naps! Now, stand back people. We're gonna give the violent alien a head start. Hey Frosty!" he called back towards the cage with a laugh.
Chef was sweating through his outfit as he shakily moved a key towards the cage's lock, and at the host's call of "Release the beast!" He put it in the keyhole, turned it, and was promptly trampled as the door was slammed open and Ezekiel Clone jumped out, snarled, and ran.
"It doesn't even look like Ezekiel," Mal responded.
"That's because I'm the real deal," Ezekiel said.
"Okay!" Chris said with his usual grin. "Since Ezekiel won the first challenge, he gets six tranq balls," he said before handing over a handful of pink pellets to the grinning prairie boy. "Mal and Izzy, you cracked yours open so you get three," he told the troublemaker and psycho, handing over the ammunition as Eva and Topher looked on. "Eva and Topher, two each," the host told the pair.
"Why are you giving us two?" Eva squinted.
"We cracked our gourds too!" Topher protested.
"Technically, the two of you beat your gourds with cricket bats," Chris corrected as Ezekiel Clone could be seen chasing the intern in the background before turning to the last contestant. "And Owen, since you didn't put a dent in your gourd, you get these," he handed the food fanatic a pair of safety goggles, "and one tranq ball."
"No slingshot?" Owen asked in disappointment. "I have a lot of plums still."
"Nope. You're just gonna have to throw the balls hard enough to make 'em burst," Chris told him. "Which will be hilariously unsuccessful, I'm sure."
"Aaand," he said, the shot pulling back as Chef blew on a large horn, "go!"
At the signal, the six teens, all now wearing safety goggles, ran off.
\
The scene flashed forward to a rightward pan across the savanna, Topher speaking before the camera reached him.
"Can one of you give me an extra tranquilizer ball?" Topher said, eventually being shown traveling with Ezekiel and Mal. "Having two sucks."
"I have one more than you, and I'm going to go alone," Mal refused and left the two alone. "See you dorks after I win."
Ezekiel squinted his eyes at him. "He's a total knob. I swear."
Topher put his arm around Ezekiel. "How about we team up and take him down?" he suggested. "If he doesn't win invincibility, everyone will vote him off."
"I do like the idea of seeing him jump off the plane," Ezekiel agreed. "I'm in."
Confessional: Topher
"I know I'll be targeted next after Mal is gone, but I'll think about what to do after this day is over," Topher admitted.
Confessional Ends
"I remember watching you guys catch the Ripper back in London, but I forgot how you did it," Owen told Izzy and Eva while the three navigated.
"We had to use a burlap sack to do it, but this time, we have to roll with tranquilizer balls," Eva said.
"If you combine them all as a group, we have six overall," Izzy said.
"Six divided by three equals two, and each of us should have two tranq balls just to be safe," Owen explained.
"Keep an eye out for that clone," Eva advised her team. "We have no idea what it can do."
Confessional: Izzy
"I'm relentlessly good at tracking down prey," Izzy said. "The last time I had a date planned, this guy stood me up just to move to another state. I tracked him down, and what happened after wasn't pretty."
Confessional Ends
The scene moved to a low-to-the-ground shot of a rustling bush. Mal walked in from the left, and smirked at the bush. "Are you ready for your nap, alien reject?"
He was answered by a low roar, and a yellowish paw stepped out from the bush.
"A lion?" Mal said blankly as a male lion stepped out. "I wasn't going to tranquilize you. There's this alien-"
The lion interrupted with a roar, causing Mal to take a step back.
"I'm not wasting my ammo on this lion!" Mal yelled before turning and fleeing, and it looked like the lion was going to give chase before the sudden appearance of Chris in the foreground distracted it.
"Who will survive?" he asked the camera. "King of the Jungle, or King of the Fumble? Find out right after this, on Total! Drama! World Tour!"
The lion roared at him, and he turned and fled screaming as well.
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(Commercial Break)
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2023.05.29 15:15 Media6292 Comparison of more 80 titles and 500 versions from Vinyl to Bluray, mono to Atmos
 | Hello, submitted by Media6292 to SurroundAudiophile [link] [comments] That's it, there are now more than 500 versions that have been tested, more precisely 504 divided between 78 albums and 4 singles. Thank you all for your encouragement. https://preview.redd.it/vnn8ipcrat2b1.jpg?width=500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1166c09993add42d59617a4b6631cb46ab771a2a The range of media types has been extended, and in addition to CD, DVD, Bluray, SACD, vinyl, cassette, DAT and streaming, there's now the 8-track cartridge. Formats range from mono to spatial audio formats such as Dolby Atmos and Sony 360 Reality Audio. Not all are multichannel, but many reviews are in 5.1 or Atmos or 360RA. You can find a summary table of all the albums, including the number of versions and a description of the versions for each album HERE. For each review, you'll find measurements (waveform, spectrum, dynamic range, spatialization) and samples so you can compare the different versions. Here's the list with direct links: Adele 30 Alan Parsons From the New World Alicia Keys Alicia Amy Winehouse At The BBC Amy Winehouse Live at Glastonbury 2007 Anne Bisson Be my lover Anne Bisson Tiles from the treetops Coldplay Music Of The Spheres Daft Punk Homework Daft Punk Random Access Memories Depeche Mode Memento Mori Dianne Reeves I remember Dire Straits Brothers In Arms Dire Straits Encores Dire Straits Money For Nothing Duo Cirla Trolonge Piuma Ed Sheeran – (Subtract) Ed Sheeran + Ed Sheeran = Eric Clapton The Lady In The Balcony: Lockdown Sessions Eric Clapton Unplugged Francis Cabrel Trobador Tour (Live) Indochine Central Tour Indochine L’ Aventurier Jean-Michel Jarre Amazonia Jean-Michel Jarre Oxygene Jean-Michel Jarre Oxymore Jean-Michel Jarre Welcome To The Other Side - Live in Notre Dame VR Joy Crookes Skin Kate Bush Hounds Of Love Katie Melua Acoustic Album No. 8 Katie Melua Golden Record Lana Del Rey Blue Banisters Lana Del Rey Chemtrails Over the Country Club Lana Del Rey Did you know that there's a tunnel under Ocean Blvd Les restos du Cœur 2023 Enfoirés Un Jour, Toujours Liszt / Sviatoslav Richter Concertos For Piano And Orchestra Nos. 1 & 2 Madonna Finally Enough Love Melody Gardot Sunset In The Blue Michael Jackson Dangerous Michael Jackson Thriller Muse Will Of The People Mylène Farmer À tout jamais Mylène Farmer A tout Jamais (Remixes) Mylène Farmer Histoires de Mylène Farmer L'Emprise Nirvana Nevermind Norah Jones ‘Til We Meet Again Norah Jones Come Away With Me Oscar Peterson A Time For Love Patricia Barber Clique! Pink Floyd A Momentary Lapse Of Reason Pink Floyd Animals Pink Floyd Hey Hey Rise Up Pink Floyd Live at Knebworth 1990 Pink Floyd PULSE Pink Floyd The Dark Side Of The Moon Pink Floyd The Dark Side of the Moon (Live at Wembley) 1974 PLACEBO Never Let Me Go Prince Prince and the Revolution Live Rag'n'Bone Man Life By Misadventure Red Hot Chili Peppers Return Of The Dream Canteen Red Hot Chili Peppers Unlimited Love Saint-Saëns Symphony No. 3 with Organ : Charles Munch and Boston Symphony 1959 Saint-Saëns Symphony No. 3 with Organ : Kansas City Symphony Shania Twain Queen Of Me Sting The Bridge Taylor Swift Midnights Taylor Swift RED Tears For Fears Live At Massey Hall Toronto, Canada 1985 Tears For Fears The Tipping Point The Art Of Noise In The City Live In Tokyo 1986 The Dave Brubeck Quartet TIME OUT The Police Around The World The Police Greatest Hits Thomas Bangalter Mythologies Thomas Schirmann After The Rain Tsuyoshi Yamamoto Trio Misty for Direct Cutting Various Back to the Future Various Ghostbusters Various Top Gun Various TOP GUN Maverick Enjoy listening Jean-François |
2023.05.29 14:53 MiscellaneousYT14 I got bored, so PICK YOUR FAVORITE CANDLE!!
Light Blue, Gold, Hot Pink, Green, Gray, Cyan, Blue, Pink, Red, Lime, Yellow or Orange!
https://preview.redd.it/fz1jtumq6t2b1.png?width=1105&format=png&auto=webp&s=4b6ddb8869eac9498df1676de9f202e9f3665777
submitted by MiscellaneousYT14 to ObjectShows [link] [comments]
https://preview.redd.it/fz1jtumq6t2b1.png?width=1105&format=png&auto=webp&s=4b6ddb8869eac9498df1676de9f202e9f3665777
2023.05.29 14:08 _Triple_ [STORE] 900+ KNIVES/GLOVES/SKINS, 50.000$+ INVENTORY. M9 Fade, M4 Poseidon, BFK Freehand, Crimson Kimono, Nomad Fade, Skeleton, Kara Lore, Bayo Autotronic, AWP Fade, Kara Damas, BFK Ultra, Kara Freehand, Kara Bright, M9 Damas, Omega, Tiger Strike, Flip MF, Bayo Tiger, Deagle Blaze, Talon & More
Everything in my inventory is up for trade. The most valuable items are listed here, the rest you can find in My Inventory
Feel free to Add Me or even better send a Trade Offer. Open for any suggestions: upgrades, downgrades / knives, gloves, skins / stickers, patterns, floats.
All Buyouts are listed in cash value.
KNIVES
★ Butterfly Knife Freehand FN #1, B/O: $2500
★ Butterfly Knife Ultraviolet FT, B/O: $822
★ Butterfly Knife Scorched FT, B/O: $616
⎯★ Bayonet Tiger Tooth MW #1, B/O: $1300
★ Bayonet Autotronic FN, B/O: $1050
★ Bayonet Tiger Tooth MW, B/O: $629
★ Bayonet Bright Water FT, B/O: $326
★ Bayonet Safari Mesh BS, B/O: $233
⎯★ Karambit Lore FT, B/O: $1110
★ Karambit Damascus Steel FT, B/O: $840
★ Karambit Freehand MW, B/O: $784
★ Karambit Bright Water MW, B/O: $759
⎯★ M9 Bayonet Fade FN, B/O: $1801
★ M9 Bayonet Fade FN, B/O: $1801
★ M9 Bayonet Damascus Steel FN, B/O: $751
⎯★ Nomad Knife Fade FN, B/O: $1156
★ Nomad Knife Slaughter MW, B/O: $544
★ Nomad Knife Blue Steel WW, B/O: $318
⎯★ Flip Knife Marble Fade FN, B/O: $646
★ Flip Knife Doppler (Phase 4) FN, B/O: $574
★ Flip Knife Gamma Doppler (Phase 1) MW, B/O: $552
★ Flip Knife Case Hardened FT, B/O: $257
★ Flip Knife Freehand FT, B/O: $255
★ StatTrak™ Flip Knife Bright Water FN, B/O: $287
⎯★ Huntsman Knife Lore FN, B/O: $461
★ Huntsman Knife Gamma Doppler (Phase 4) FN, B/O: $436
★ Huntsman Knife Doppler (Phase 3) FN, B/O: $353
★ Huntsman Knife Autotronic FT, B/O: $212
★ Huntsman Knife Bright Water FT, B/O: $129
★ Huntsman Knife Forest DDPAT MW, B/O: $129
★ Huntsman Knife Forest DDPAT BS, B/O: $123
★ StatTrak™ Huntsman Knife Rust Coat BS, B/O: $127
⎯★ Bowie Knife Gamma Doppler (Phase 2) FN, B/O: $375
★ Bowie Knife Gamma Doppler (Phase 1) FN, B/O: $363
★ Bowie Knife Tiger Tooth FN, B/O: $269
★ Bowie Knife Crimson Web WW, B/O: $192
★ Bowie Knife Bright Water FN, B/O: $159
★ Bowie Knife Ultraviolet FT, B/O: $126
⎯★ Stiletto Knife Slaughter FN, B/O: $616
★ Stiletto Knife Crimson Web FT, B/O: $412
★ StatTrak™ Stiletto Knife Night Stripe FT, B/O: $227
⎯★ Falchion Knife Lore FT, B/O: $214
★ Falchion Knife Autotronic FT, B/O: $192
★ Falchion Knife Scorched WW, B/O: $105
⎯★ Survival Knife Crimson Web BS, B/O: $216
★ Survival Knife Case Hardened FT, B/O: $198
★ Survival Knife Scorched FT, B/O: $111
⎯★ Shadow Daggers Fade FN, B/O: $368
★ Shadow Daggers Doppler (Phase 3) FN, B/O: $228
★ Shadow Daggers, B/O: $201
★ Shadow Daggers Damascus Steel FT, B/O: $108
★ Shadow Daggers Ultraviolet FT, B/O: $105
★ Shadow Daggers Black Laminate FT, B/O: $99
★ Shadow Daggers Forest DDPAT FT, B/O: $85
⎯★ Gut Knife Doppler (Sapphire) MW #1, B/O: $1700
★ Gut Knife Gamma Doppler (Phase 1) FN, B/O: $223
★ Gut Knife Marble Fade FN, B/O: $203
★ Gut Knife Doppler (Phase 2) FN, B/O: $191
★ Gut Knife Case Hardened BS, B/O: $127
⎯★ Navaja Knife Doppler (Phase 4) FN, B/O: $199
★ Navaja Knife Doppler (Phase 4) FN, B/O: $199
★ Navaja Knife, B/O: $138
★ Navaja Knife Damascus Steel FN, B/O: $111
⎯★ Classic Knife Urban Masked FT, B/O: $146
★ StatTrak™ Classic Knife Stained BS, B/O: $168
⎯★ Ursus Knife Doppler (Phase 3) FN, B/O: $476
★ Ursus Knife, B/O: $375
⎯★ Skeleton Knife, B/O: $1137
★ Talon Knife, B/O: $608
★ Paracord Knife, B/O: $305
★ Survival Knife Forest DDPAT FT, B/O: $97
GLOVES
★ Moto Gloves Transport MW, B/O: $204
★ Moto Gloves Polygon BS, B/O: $142
★ Moto Gloves Blood Pressure BS, B/O: $84
★ Moto Gloves Blood Pressure BS, B/O: $84
★ Moto Gloves 3rd Commando Company BS, B/O: $63
★ Moto Gloves 3rd Commando Company BS, B/O: $63
⎯★ Specialist Gloves Crimson Kimono WW, B/O: $1215
★ Specialist Gloves Tiger Strike FT, B/O: $672
★ Specialist Gloves Lt. Commander FT, B/O: $305
★ Specialist Gloves Lt. Commander BS, B/O: $140
★ Specialist Gloves Crimson Web BS, B/O: $137
★ Specialist Gloves Buckshot FT, B/O: $75
⎯★ Driver Gloves Crimson Weave FT, B/O: $359
★ Driver Gloves Imperial Plaid BS, B/O: $229
★ Driver Gloves Overtake BS, B/O: $77
★ Driver Gloves Racing Green FT, B/O: $48
⎯★ Sport Gloves Omega FT, B/O: $739
★ Sport Gloves Amphibious BS #2, B/O: $733
★ Sport Gloves Arid BS, B/O: $292
⎯★ Hand Wraps Giraffe MW, B/O: $212
★ Hand Wraps Leather FT, B/O: $160
★ Hand Wraps Desert Shamagh MW, B/O: $101
⎯★ Broken Fang Gloves Yellow-banded MW, B/O: $185
★ Broken Fang Gloves Needle Point FT, B/O: $67
★ Broken Fang Gloves Needle Point WW, B/O: $59
⎯★ Hydra Gloves Case Hardened BS, B/O: $65
★ Hydra Gloves Emerald FT, B/O: $65
★ Hydra Gloves Emerald BS, B/O: $62
WEAPONS
AK-47 Case Hardened BS, B/O: $130
AK-47 Bloodsport MW, B/O: $79
AK-47 Fuel Injector BS, B/O: $76
AK-47 Fuel Injector BS, B/O: $76
AK-47 Bloodsport FT, B/O: $70
AK-47 Neon Rider MW, B/O: $60
StatTrak™ AK-47 Aquamarine Revenge FT, B/O: $72
⎯AWP Fade FN, B/O: $1039
AWP Asiimov FT, B/O: $139
AWP Asiimov FT, B/O: $139
AWP Wildfire MW, B/O: $95
AWP BOOM MW, B/O: $93
AWP BOOM MW, B/O: $93
AWP Duality FN, B/O: $81
AWP Asiimov BS, B/O: $79
AWP Asiimov BS, B/O: $79
AWP Chromatic Aberration FN, B/O: $60
StatTrak™ AWP Hyper Beast FT, B/O: $68
StatTrak™ AWP Hyper Beast FT, B/O: $68
StatTrak™ AWP Electric Hive FT, B/O: $55
⎯Desert Eagle Blaze FN, B/O: $623
Desert Eagle Emerald Jörmungandr FN, B/O: $241
Desert Eagle Cobalt Disruption FN, B/O: $81
Desert Eagle Cobalt Disruption FN, B/O: $81
Desert Eagle Cobalt Disruption FN, B/O: $81
Desert Eagle Printstream FT, B/O: $54
⎯M4A1-S Blue Phosphor FN, B/O: $434
StatTrak™ M4A1-S Bright Water MW, B/O: $55
⎯M4A4 Poseidon FN, B/O: $1465
M4A4 Asiimov BS, B/O: $55
M4A4 Hellfire MW, B/O: $50
⎯USP-S Kill Confirmed MW, B/O: $72
USP-S Printstream FT, B/O: $69
StatTrak™ USP-S Kill Confirmed FT, B/O: $139
⎯AUG Flame Jörmungandr FN, B/O: $234
P90 Run and Hide FT, B/O: $147
Five-SeveN Candy Apple FN, B/O: $61
Trade Offer Link - Steam Profile Link - My Inventory
Some items on the list may no longer be available or are still locked, visit My Inventory for more details.
Send a Trade Offer for fastest response. I consider all offers.
Add me for discuss if there is a serious offer that needs to be discussed.
2023.05.29 13:57 Odpea Primitive fun oneshot(probably)
Thank you to u/Far_masterpiece_7739 for proofreading and suggesting edits
this is my first story on NoP and hopefully my first good one, excuse the dates, i just put the date i went to the fair i describe in the story and put it in the year the main story takes place, for reference this is meant to be before the bombs dropped.
Memory transcription subject:Talik, Venlil exchange program participant
Date[Standardised human time]:13.05.2136
As My exchange partner and I stepped out of his house and into his car I was quite unenthused about where we were going. We were headed to a steam fair, yes an actual real life steam fair, this is something a yotul would enjoy, and I was no mere uplift.
[2 hours later]
It took half a spheking paw to get here, ugh, at least it was a chance to listen to more of that wonderful, though oddly named, human music, of the metal genre, my current favourite song being full circle by Five finger death punch, an odd and very predatory name, but it seems the same is true for a lot of human music. As we pulled into the seemingly random field there was an old man, in what my human had told me was a hi vis jacket, making strange hand gestures at us that my human somehow understood, we drove into another field, this one full of semi orderly rows of many different types of cars, we then got out and walked through the long grass towards a green booth of some kind in front of a small also green bridge, there were two middle aged human women in the booth, after my human paid £10 we were allowed in, at first it was less than impressive to our left was a man in an oddly coloured suit and purple top hat on a large stage, in front of us was a large empty area fenced off with rope, and many older vehicles were off to our left along with some “bouncy castles'' as my human had explained to me before and several stalls selling various items.
We went over to the left, past the stage and several food stands that smelled absolutely incredible, we made our way to a large horizontal wheel that suspended five other horizontal wheels that each had three sets of seats suspended from them, my human decided this would be a good way to “break me into it”, I decided against pointing out the very predatory language, and agreed to go on, my human gave the ride operator £3 and we both got on, my human being the bigger of the two of us had to sit next to the padded wall likely to reduce the effects of inertia, after a short wait for it to fill up, the ride started to play some music and slowly spin each the top one spinning the opposite direction to the others, the ride slowly got faster and after about a minute the operator announced, over the PA of the ride,that it was “time for turbo mode” and to “squish your partner”, and so I did, I allowed myself to slide across and bump into him at speed, I hit him harder than I intended, and apologised, he said nothing and simply pushed against the centrifugal force pushing us into the padded wall and moved us both to the opposite side of the cart, and laughed saying that he barely felt my impact “of course you didn’t, you have the most messed up physiology I have ever seen” I laughed out smiling in spite of myself.
After the ride stopped we moved past a giant vertical wheel, that my human called a Ferris wheel, and a large tower with a slide running around the outside, called a helter skelter my human said, and on to what my human said was one of his favorite rides ever, the swinging boats, from where we stood they looked quite tame, something was wrong, my human was an “Adrenaline junkie” as he and several of his friends had called him, meaning two rectangular boxes with seats in them just hanging there was clearly not all there was to the first steam powered ride I had seen at this steam fair, as we ascended the stairs to get on I saw an old man in amongst many valves, levers and gauges, my human paid the man £3 and one other person was on the ride with us, we were at one end and she was at the other, she smiled at us and laughed at my concerned face after my human gave some obscure hand sign, I should really learn the human hand, face and head language, just then I noticed a sign that read “all riders do so at their own risk” I was now very worried, I didn’t say anything though as I knew that my human would never intentionally endanger me, just then an ear peircing screeching sound started, causing me to Jump in fright, we were then told to hold onto the netting behind us and put our feet on the bench in front of us, then the box we were in started to swing, and I realised what they would do, after about [20 seconds] we were swinging so far that the box, or boat as my human had corrected me several times now, went from horizontal to vertical, with every swing, my human and the other one on the ride were smiling and laughing with each other while i firmly closed my eyes, my human noticed my discomfort and spoke, as softly as he could to be heard over the sound of the rushing air, comforting me and making sure i was ok, and trying to lighten the mood with a small joke here and there, eventually I felt brave enough to open my eyes and see the open sky on the other side of the netting, then we swung back and i was looking down at the human female smiling comfortingly at me, then i felt the air rushing in my face as we swung back and i couldn't help but bleat in surprise, this caused both humans to “awww” simultaneously quickly followed by the human female saying “jinx” and them both laughing, this time i joined in too.
About a minute later we were off of the ride and i felt like the ground was moving under me for a few seconds after i got off, right next to the boats was a small booth with several confectionaries on the rear wall and several very old looking weapons on the counter, there was a human mother helping their child to aim one of them at the confectionaries and then a small pop was heard as a cork flew from the end of the weapon and i saw a small pink cuboid with a green being called a dragon(that looked like if someone recoloured an Arxur and made it more square) on it, labelled “CHEWITS” fall backwards off its shelf, the woman running the stall then collected the tube from the trough at the bottom and passed it to the child who ran off happily, with his mother in tow. My human decided to challenge me at this game, I foolishly accepted and quickly wasted £15 of my human's money to only glance at a very large tin of biscuits, my human on the other hand had hit all bar 1 shot and we now had several boxes of confectionery.
The next ride we went on was called “THE SUPER SKID CARS” according to the sign above the ride entrance. My visual translator had a hard time with that one due to the very odd font. My human said he used to love riding these with his mum when he was a child, and that he was somewhat surprised such an old machine was still in service, (frankly I was surprised any of these machines were still in service at all). My human told me that these were a precursor to “waltzers” and said that based on my reaction to the boats it may be for the best if i watched first, i agreed, as my human was about to get on, he saw one of his friends, she was called Summer and she was a very lovely person, once you got past her shell of self loathing depression and their exchange partner, Janak was her name, after the two of them had hugged, we collectively decided that the humans should go on and we would watch to decide if we wanted to join them the second time, so my human and Summer went on together, the ride worked by a large central wheel spinning with several carts facing inward being pulled around by it, with a break pedal that would slow the cart enough that it would rotate about its hinge to the point that it was facing the direction it was traveling, when you then let go of the break it would fling the cart around at high speed to face the other way and repeat, all the while a human song was being played quite loudly, the one playing while our humans were on was dancing in the moonlight, our humans were singing along, and quite loudly, until the ride sped up causing summer to scream slightly and then laugh with me,Janak and my human , as they were flung so hard that they bounced back and forth several times, this continued for a little while more with Summer squealing in delight at every swing, my human singing and laughing along all the while.
After summer got off we all walked back around to the food stalls, where Janak and I had the leaves of a lovely vegetable called a lettuce, according to Summer, slices of a purple vegetable with white stripes in rings through it, called a red onion, according to summer, this prompted me to ask why it was called a red onion if it was purple and white, both humans looked at me and laughed at that, before my human said “sometimes human names are very on the nose, and other times, not so much, don’t worry about it.”, all while laughing, our meal was then wrapped in a thin-ish flat disk of strayu, I asked how humans had strayu in large enough quantities to sell like this, so soon after meeting us, this caused summer and Janak to laugh and my human to look confused, Janak explained that the humans had many different types of strayu, called bread apparently, and that they developed it independently and much, much earlier on in their cultural evolution than us, he also said that it tasted, different, not necessarily bad, but definitely not the same. The humans had chosen a bratwurst hot dog each from a german food stall, run by the british catering company, whilst mine and Janak’s was from a greek stall, also run by the british catering company.
After eating we went up to the stalls to the right of the entrance, where, my human bought a new wallet, and I bought several human confectionaries, at the end, there were several very primitive cloth tents, with people walking around in clothes that were very clearly not of this century, and they all carried weapons, such as knives, swords and axes. My human got quite excited at this and went over to speak with a group wearing helmets, chainmail and animal skins with jewellery woven into it, they had a table full of axes and swords with shields around it and spears poking out of the ground nearby, one of them holding a Dane axe!, after a lengthy conversation with a few of them we walked away with a card containing contact information, so that my human could join their re-enactment group. The central area was now host to two humans on motorbikes performing stunts and various tricks, while an announcer spoke to the crowd, as we walked down the backside of the central ring and towards the boats again we saw several small and quite slow steam engines making their way in our general direction, after we passed them I saw a dog, a truly fearsome beast tied to the front of a colossal steam engine, with, what i assumed to be the engine’s owner nearby talking to a woman with another dog, after we passed them we decided to have a go at the plate smash stand, Janak, summer and myself did terribly but my human hit every shot bar one, then we kept on moving, Janak and I had decided to go on the “THE SUPER SKID CARS'' with our respective humans. IT WAS A HUGE SPECKING MISTAKE!!!! A few seconds in, I was clinging to my human’s arm crying, he was holding me, softly stroking my head and speaking soothingly to me. About a minute in, i was able to open my eyes and sit there, still clinging to my human, as he continued to hold me, i noticed that he too seemed to be on the verge of tears, although i suspected for a different reason, after a while i got used to the speed, and asked my human to start swinging us, he did and i screamed in delight, it was so much fun, we sung along to a song i don't know the name of and moved so fast, i could feel my stomachs shift and shake around inside my body, after the ride finished i was so high on adrenaline that i felt like i could do anything, the same could not be said for Jamak, he looked utterly petrified and on the verge of throwing up. We returned to the shooting area and this time we only spent £5 each and i missed every shot, but it was fun, my human only got a tube of CHEWITS this time, but we still had fun, we then made our way back to the ferris wheel, we all went on and once we reached the top we stopped and i thought that something was wrong, until i looked down, now i'm braver than most venlil but this height was insane, however i now knew why we had stopped, a man and his son were getting on, however as i leaned back it caused our seating pod to rock back and forth, this made me freeze in terror as i pictured us falling and going splat on the ground below, and then we were moving again, and then we were on the ground, but we were still moving and then we were high in the air again, after this cycle of up and down had repeated another three times we finally got off, my whole body quivering with the after effects of terror, Jamak was clinging onto Summer’s arm and refused to let go as she lugged him around.
We made our way back to the boats and we all decided to go on, all except Jamak of course, at least he had let go of summer by now, this time i kept my eyes open the whole time and several of the other humans on board were screaming in delight, it was hilarious, my human, summer and i were all laughing, and as the boat slowed down, my human let go of the netting and put his feet back down, then the operator told him to put them back up and to keep holding on, so he put his hands up to hold on again and as he went to put his feet back up, the boat sped up again leading to my human hanging vertically and as we came back down, summer an i tried to hold him in place and check to see if he was ok, but he just wouldn't stop laughing, after the ride had stopped and we had gotten off, he finally stopped, and loudly exclaimed “DID YOU SEE THAT, IT WAS FUCKING AWESOME, HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!” this prompted summer to loudly exclaim “suicidal cunt, your going to give me a heart attack one of these days!”, this caused him to chuckle again and say “you’re one to talk aren’t you? And I'm way more likely to have a heart attack than you, genetic disorders, remember?”This went on until we reached the car parking field, where we went our separate ways, i was buzzing the whole way home as we listened to even more music and chatted, once we arrived home my tiredness hit me like a stampeding mazic and i fell face first onto the sofa.
When I woke up my human had bought me a glass of apple juice and was sitting next to me with one of his dogs on his lap, the large German shepherd Labrador cross breed, named Leela. She was huffing happily as my human rubbed her stomach. It had taken quite a while to warm up to the large and loud beast, but now she was a brilliant addition to my little herd and I can't imagine living without her here.
“Thank you, for the day out, it was wonderful, and I’m sorry for the way I acted about it this morning.”
“That’s fine, I had fun, and it seems you did too, that’s all that matters, that we both had fun.”
“You're the best friend a venlil could ask for, you know that right? I love spending time with you Oscar, even if you don’t love me, just know that I love you…. sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”
“Hey, hey” Oscar said, softly, as I started to cry. “Just because I’m aromantic, doesn’t mean I can’t feel love, just not romance, I still love you, just platonically, now come and give me a hug, you silly sheep!” He said happily.
“I'm not a sheep, you stupid ape!” I responded jokingly, feigning indignation.
“I love you oscar”
“I love you too, Talik, now let’s get some dinner, we have to go back to work tomorrow.” and with that he stood up, finished his apple juice and walked into the kitchen.
submitted by Odpea to NatureofPredators [link] [comments]
this is my first story on NoP and hopefully my first good one, excuse the dates, i just put the date i went to the fair i describe in the story and put it in the year the main story takes place, for reference this is meant to be before the bombs dropped.
Memory transcription subject:Talik, Venlil exchange program participant
Date[Standardised human time]:13.05.2136
As My exchange partner and I stepped out of his house and into his car I was quite unenthused about where we were going. We were headed to a steam fair, yes an actual real life steam fair, this is something a yotul would enjoy, and I was no mere uplift.
[2 hours later]
It took half a spheking paw to get here, ugh, at least it was a chance to listen to more of that wonderful, though oddly named, human music, of the metal genre, my current favourite song being full circle by Five finger death punch, an odd and very predatory name, but it seems the same is true for a lot of human music. As we pulled into the seemingly random field there was an old man, in what my human had told me was a hi vis jacket, making strange hand gestures at us that my human somehow understood, we drove into another field, this one full of semi orderly rows of many different types of cars, we then got out and walked through the long grass towards a green booth of some kind in front of a small also green bridge, there were two middle aged human women in the booth, after my human paid £10 we were allowed in, at first it was less than impressive to our left was a man in an oddly coloured suit and purple top hat on a large stage, in front of us was a large empty area fenced off with rope, and many older vehicles were off to our left along with some “bouncy castles'' as my human had explained to me before and several stalls selling various items.
We went over to the left, past the stage and several food stands that smelled absolutely incredible, we made our way to a large horizontal wheel that suspended five other horizontal wheels that each had three sets of seats suspended from them, my human decided this would be a good way to “break me into it”, I decided against pointing out the very predatory language, and agreed to go on, my human gave the ride operator £3 and we both got on, my human being the bigger of the two of us had to sit next to the padded wall likely to reduce the effects of inertia, after a short wait for it to fill up, the ride started to play some music and slowly spin each the top one spinning the opposite direction to the others, the ride slowly got faster and after about a minute the operator announced, over the PA of the ride,that it was “time for turbo mode” and to “squish your partner”, and so I did, I allowed myself to slide across and bump into him at speed, I hit him harder than I intended, and apologised, he said nothing and simply pushed against the centrifugal force pushing us into the padded wall and moved us both to the opposite side of the cart, and laughed saying that he barely felt my impact “of course you didn’t, you have the most messed up physiology I have ever seen” I laughed out smiling in spite of myself.
After the ride stopped we moved past a giant vertical wheel, that my human called a Ferris wheel, and a large tower with a slide running around the outside, called a helter skelter my human said, and on to what my human said was one of his favorite rides ever, the swinging boats, from where we stood they looked quite tame, something was wrong, my human was an “Adrenaline junkie” as he and several of his friends had called him, meaning two rectangular boxes with seats in them just hanging there was clearly not all there was to the first steam powered ride I had seen at this steam fair, as we ascended the stairs to get on I saw an old man in amongst many valves, levers and gauges, my human paid the man £3 and one other person was on the ride with us, we were at one end and she was at the other, she smiled at us and laughed at my concerned face after my human gave some obscure hand sign, I should really learn the human hand, face and head language, just then I noticed a sign that read “all riders do so at their own risk” I was now very worried, I didn’t say anything though as I knew that my human would never intentionally endanger me, just then an ear peircing screeching sound started, causing me to Jump in fright, we were then told to hold onto the netting behind us and put our feet on the bench in front of us, then the box we were in started to swing, and I realised what they would do, after about [20 seconds] we were swinging so far that the box, or boat as my human had corrected me several times now, went from horizontal to vertical, with every swing, my human and the other one on the ride were smiling and laughing with each other while i firmly closed my eyes, my human noticed my discomfort and spoke, as softly as he could to be heard over the sound of the rushing air, comforting me and making sure i was ok, and trying to lighten the mood with a small joke here and there, eventually I felt brave enough to open my eyes and see the open sky on the other side of the netting, then we swung back and i was looking down at the human female smiling comfortingly at me, then i felt the air rushing in my face as we swung back and i couldn't help but bleat in surprise, this caused both humans to “awww” simultaneously quickly followed by the human female saying “jinx” and them both laughing, this time i joined in too.
About a minute later we were off of the ride and i felt like the ground was moving under me for a few seconds after i got off, right next to the boats was a small booth with several confectionaries on the rear wall and several very old looking weapons on the counter, there was a human mother helping their child to aim one of them at the confectionaries and then a small pop was heard as a cork flew from the end of the weapon and i saw a small pink cuboid with a green being called a dragon(that looked like if someone recoloured an Arxur and made it more square) on it, labelled “CHEWITS” fall backwards off its shelf, the woman running the stall then collected the tube from the trough at the bottom and passed it to the child who ran off happily, with his mother in tow. My human decided to challenge me at this game, I foolishly accepted and quickly wasted £15 of my human's money to only glance at a very large tin of biscuits, my human on the other hand had hit all bar 1 shot and we now had several boxes of confectionery.
The next ride we went on was called “THE SUPER SKID CARS” according to the sign above the ride entrance. My visual translator had a hard time with that one due to the very odd font. My human said he used to love riding these with his mum when he was a child, and that he was somewhat surprised such an old machine was still in service, (frankly I was surprised any of these machines were still in service at all). My human told me that these were a precursor to “waltzers” and said that based on my reaction to the boats it may be for the best if i watched first, i agreed, as my human was about to get on, he saw one of his friends, she was called Summer and she was a very lovely person, once you got past her shell of self loathing depression and their exchange partner, Janak was her name, after the two of them had hugged, we collectively decided that the humans should go on and we would watch to decide if we wanted to join them the second time, so my human and Summer went on together, the ride worked by a large central wheel spinning with several carts facing inward being pulled around by it, with a break pedal that would slow the cart enough that it would rotate about its hinge to the point that it was facing the direction it was traveling, when you then let go of the break it would fling the cart around at high speed to face the other way and repeat, all the while a human song was being played quite loudly, the one playing while our humans were on was dancing in the moonlight, our humans were singing along, and quite loudly, until the ride sped up causing summer to scream slightly and then laugh with me,Janak and my human , as they were flung so hard that they bounced back and forth several times, this continued for a little while more with Summer squealing in delight at every swing, my human singing and laughing along all the while.
After summer got off we all walked back around to the food stalls, where Janak and I had the leaves of a lovely vegetable called a lettuce, according to Summer, slices of a purple vegetable with white stripes in rings through it, called a red onion, according to summer, this prompted me to ask why it was called a red onion if it was purple and white, both humans looked at me and laughed at that, before my human said “sometimes human names are very on the nose, and other times, not so much, don’t worry about it.”, all while laughing, our meal was then wrapped in a thin-ish flat disk of strayu, I asked how humans had strayu in large enough quantities to sell like this, so soon after meeting us, this caused summer and Janak to laugh and my human to look confused, Janak explained that the humans had many different types of strayu, called bread apparently, and that they developed it independently and much, much earlier on in their cultural evolution than us, he also said that it tasted, different, not necessarily bad, but definitely not the same. The humans had chosen a bratwurst hot dog each from a german food stall, run by the british catering company, whilst mine and Janak’s was from a greek stall, also run by the british catering company.
After eating we went up to the stalls to the right of the entrance, where, my human bought a new wallet, and I bought several human confectionaries, at the end, there were several very primitive cloth tents, with people walking around in clothes that were very clearly not of this century, and they all carried weapons, such as knives, swords and axes. My human got quite excited at this and went over to speak with a group wearing helmets, chainmail and animal skins with jewellery woven into it, they had a table full of axes and swords with shields around it and spears poking out of the ground nearby, one of them holding a Dane axe!, after a lengthy conversation with a few of them we walked away with a card containing contact information, so that my human could join their re-enactment group. The central area was now host to two humans on motorbikes performing stunts and various tricks, while an announcer spoke to the crowd, as we walked down the backside of the central ring and towards the boats again we saw several small and quite slow steam engines making their way in our general direction, after we passed them I saw a dog, a truly fearsome beast tied to the front of a colossal steam engine, with, what i assumed to be the engine’s owner nearby talking to a woman with another dog, after we passed them we decided to have a go at the plate smash stand, Janak, summer and myself did terribly but my human hit every shot bar one, then we kept on moving, Janak and I had decided to go on the “THE SUPER SKID CARS'' with our respective humans. IT WAS A HUGE SPECKING MISTAKE!!!! A few seconds in, I was clinging to my human’s arm crying, he was holding me, softly stroking my head and speaking soothingly to me. About a minute in, i was able to open my eyes and sit there, still clinging to my human, as he continued to hold me, i noticed that he too seemed to be on the verge of tears, although i suspected for a different reason, after a while i got used to the speed, and asked my human to start swinging us, he did and i screamed in delight, it was so much fun, we sung along to a song i don't know the name of and moved so fast, i could feel my stomachs shift and shake around inside my body, after the ride finished i was so high on adrenaline that i felt like i could do anything, the same could not be said for Jamak, he looked utterly petrified and on the verge of throwing up. We returned to the shooting area and this time we only spent £5 each and i missed every shot, but it was fun, my human only got a tube of CHEWITS this time, but we still had fun, we then made our way back to the ferris wheel, we all went on and once we reached the top we stopped and i thought that something was wrong, until i looked down, now i'm braver than most venlil but this height was insane, however i now knew why we had stopped, a man and his son were getting on, however as i leaned back it caused our seating pod to rock back and forth, this made me freeze in terror as i pictured us falling and going splat on the ground below, and then we were moving again, and then we were on the ground, but we were still moving and then we were high in the air again, after this cycle of up and down had repeated another three times we finally got off, my whole body quivering with the after effects of terror, Jamak was clinging onto Summer’s arm and refused to let go as she lugged him around.
We made our way back to the boats and we all decided to go on, all except Jamak of course, at least he had let go of summer by now, this time i kept my eyes open the whole time and several of the other humans on board were screaming in delight, it was hilarious, my human, summer and i were all laughing, and as the boat slowed down, my human let go of the netting and put his feet back down, then the operator told him to put them back up and to keep holding on, so he put his hands up to hold on again and as he went to put his feet back up, the boat sped up again leading to my human hanging vertically and as we came back down, summer an i tried to hold him in place and check to see if he was ok, but he just wouldn't stop laughing, after the ride had stopped and we had gotten off, he finally stopped, and loudly exclaimed “DID YOU SEE THAT, IT WAS FUCKING AWESOME, HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!” this prompted summer to loudly exclaim “suicidal cunt, your going to give me a heart attack one of these days!”, this caused him to chuckle again and say “you’re one to talk aren’t you? And I'm way more likely to have a heart attack than you, genetic disorders, remember?”This went on until we reached the car parking field, where we went our separate ways, i was buzzing the whole way home as we listened to even more music and chatted, once we arrived home my tiredness hit me like a stampeding mazic and i fell face first onto the sofa.
When I woke up my human had bought me a glass of apple juice and was sitting next to me with one of his dogs on his lap, the large German shepherd Labrador cross breed, named Leela. She was huffing happily as my human rubbed her stomach. It had taken quite a while to warm up to the large and loud beast, but now she was a brilliant addition to my little herd and I can't imagine living without her here.
“Thank you, for the day out, it was wonderful, and I’m sorry for the way I acted about it this morning.”
“That’s fine, I had fun, and it seems you did too, that’s all that matters, that we both had fun.”
“You're the best friend a venlil could ask for, you know that right? I love spending time with you Oscar, even if you don’t love me, just know that I love you…. sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”
“Hey, hey” Oscar said, softly, as I started to cry. “Just because I’m aromantic, doesn’t mean I can’t feel love, just not romance, I still love you, just platonically, now come and give me a hug, you silly sheep!” He said happily.
“I'm not a sheep, you stupid ape!” I responded jokingly, feigning indignation.
“I love you oscar”
“I love you too, Talik, now let’s get some dinner, we have to go back to work tomorrow.” and with that he stood up, finished his apple juice and walked into the kitchen.
2023.05.29 13:02 Media6292 Comparison of more 80 titles and 500 versions from Vinyl to Bluray, mono to Atmos
 | Hello, submitted by Media6292 to audiophile [link] [comments] That's it, there are now more than 500 versions that have been tested, more precisely 504 divided between 78 albums and 4 singles. Thank you all for your encouragement. https://preview.redd.it/ggq0tfgzms2b1.jpg?width=500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d024d7c32f1cd79b02f0f39f5c0d795f3d25a538 The range of media types has been extended, and in addition to CD, DVD, Bluray, SACD, vinyl, cassette, DAT and streaming, there's now the 8-track cartridge. Formats range from mono to spatial audio formats such as Dolby Atmos and Sony 360 Reality Audio. You can find a summary table of all the albums, including the number of versions and a description of the versions for each album HERE. Here's the list with direct links: Adele 30 Alan Parsons From the New World Alicia Keys Alicia Amy Winehouse At The BBC Amy Winehouse Live at Glastonbury 2007 Anne Bisson Be my lover Anne Bisson Tiles from the treetops Coldplay Music Of The Spheres Daft Punk Homework Daft Punk Random Access Memories Depeche Mode Memento Mori Dianne Reeves I remember Dire Straits Brothers In Arms Dire Straits Encores Dire Straits Money For Nothing Duo Cirla Trolonge Piuma Ed Sheeran – (Subtract) Ed Sheeran + Ed Sheeran = Eric Clapton The Lady In The Balcony: Lockdown Sessions Eric Clapton Unplugged Francis Cabrel Trobador Tour (Live) Indochine Central Tour Indochine L’ Aventurier Jean-Michel Jarre Amazonia Jean-Michel Jarre Oxygene Jean-Michel Jarre Oxymore Jean-Michel Jarre Welcome To The Other Side - Live in Notre Dame VR Joy Crookes Skin Kate Bush Hounds Of Love Katie Melua Acoustic Album No. 8 Katie Melua Golden Record Lana Del Rey Blue Banisters Lana Del Rey Chemtrails Over the Country Club Lana Del Rey Did you know that there's a tunnel under Ocean Blvd Les restos du Cœur 2023 Enfoirés Un Jour, Toujours Liszt / Sviatoslav Richter Concertos For Piano And Orchestra Nos. 1 & 2 Madonna Finally Enough Love Melody Gardot Sunset In The Blue Michael Jackson Dangerous Michael Jackson Thriller Muse Will Of The People Mylène Farmer À tout jamais Mylène Farmer A tout Jamais (Remixes) Mylène Farmer Histoires de Mylène Farmer L'Emprise Nirvana Nevermind Norah Jones ‘Til We Meet Again Norah Jones Come Away With Me Oscar Peterson A Time For Love Patricia Barber Clique! Pink Floyd A Momentary Lapse Of Reason Pink Floyd Animals Pink Floyd Hey Hey Rise Up Pink Floyd Live at Knebworth 1990 Pink Floyd PULSE Pink Floyd The Dark Side Of The Moon Pink Floyd The Dark Side of the Moon (Live at Wembley) 1974 PLACEBO Never Let Me Go Prince Prince and the Revolution Live Rag'n'Bone Man Life By Misadventure Red Hot Chili Peppers Return Of The Dream Canteen Red Hot Chili Peppers Unlimited Love Saint-Saëns Symphony No. 3 with Organ : Charles Munch and Boston Symphony 1959 Saint-Saëns Symphony No. 3 with Organ : Kansas City Symphony Shania Twain Queen Of Me Sting The Bridge Taylor Swift Midnights Taylor Swift RED Tears For Fears Live At Massey Hall Toronto, Canada 1985 Tears For Fears The Tipping Point The Art Of Noise In The City Live In Tokyo 1986 The Dave Brubeck Quartet TIME OUT The Police Around The World The Police Greatest Hits Thomas Bangalter Mythologies Thomas Schirmann After The Rain Tsuyoshi Yamamoto Trio Misty for Direct Cutting Various Back to the Future Various Ghostbusters Various Top Gun Various TOP GUN Maverick Enjoy listening Jean-François |
2023.05.29 12:59 40ozlaser What a day.
Just need to vent a little.
Day started with one of the dogs breaking his way back into the house in the morning while I was trying to handle little-one related stuff. He’s also a puppy, and a husky, so moderately nuts most of the time, but managed to shred and rip a role of toilet paper off of the wall, strewing throughout the house.
This is after my fun-filled night of moderate food poisoning after trying to order something easy for once because we’re in the middle of wife being out of town for work for three weeks. I finally was able to stay in bed and sleep around 4am, after completely purging my body of all solids, fluids, and thoughts of having any kind of restful sleep.
Day turned out to be not too bad, once I got some caffeine and food in me (thanks to all of the immodium and pink disks of whatever that stuff is called). We video call my wife (who is currently with my parents on the opposite side of the world), and guess my dad is truly hitting that age where is memory is having issues—and of course he’s too stubborn to do anything about it (and we’ve already been in the early stages of trying to move closer, as I’m the only child of the siblings likely to do anything, but this puts some pressure on the clock for everything). Cool, whatever. We’ll figure it out.
Nap time approaches. Hot as fuck out. Actually in the 30s, real feel in the low 40s (90s/just touching into feeling like it’s around 100, for all of My Fellow Americans). Looking forward to sleep.
BOOM! Somewhere nearby a transformer explodes. Blackout. No fans, no AC, no washing clothes, cooking, internet, etc. I’ve spent the past six hours trying to keep a toddler, two dogs, and my old, already dehydrated self hydrated and cool while trying to convince the toddler to sleep without being as comfortable as my hereditarily sweaty family needs the temperature to be in order to sleep.
The nap came five hours late, the husky is panting while I’ve been slowly feeding what remains of ice cubes into the dogs’ water bowl, and the ice pack I was using to cool down apparently sprung a leak and started dribbling gross gelly stuff all over my shoulder in the dark.
I just ordered food and coffee. My stomach is moderately afraid, but it’s now dark, there’s still no power back, and cooking by candlelight after the past 24hrs doesn’t seem that romantic by yourself.
As I finish writing this, I’m hearing the first bit rain from what is likely yet another stupid hurricane headed this way—and power is still out—so that will definitely add to the fun in the dark (the non crazy dog is afraid of storms, because he was a street rescue, and cries like a baby). At least there’s a little bit of breeze now.
Anyway, not really looking for anything, but just still waiting to ride this day out and can’t really go scream anywhere when you have to sit and fan a kid with a piece of paper in the dark. What a day.
submitted by 40ozlaser to daddit [link] [comments]
Day started with one of the dogs breaking his way back into the house in the morning while I was trying to handle little-one related stuff. He’s also a puppy, and a husky, so moderately nuts most of the time, but managed to shred and rip a role of toilet paper off of the wall, strewing throughout the house.
This is after my fun-filled night of moderate food poisoning after trying to order something easy for once because we’re in the middle of wife being out of town for work for three weeks. I finally was able to stay in bed and sleep around 4am, after completely purging my body of all solids, fluids, and thoughts of having any kind of restful sleep.
Day turned out to be not too bad, once I got some caffeine and food in me (thanks to all of the immodium and pink disks of whatever that stuff is called). We video call my wife (who is currently with my parents on the opposite side of the world), and guess my dad is truly hitting that age where is memory is having issues—and of course he’s too stubborn to do anything about it (and we’ve already been in the early stages of trying to move closer, as I’m the only child of the siblings likely to do anything, but this puts some pressure on the clock for everything). Cool, whatever. We’ll figure it out.
Nap time approaches. Hot as fuck out. Actually in the 30s, real feel in the low 40s (90s/just touching into feeling like it’s around 100, for all of My Fellow Americans). Looking forward to sleep.
BOOM! Somewhere nearby a transformer explodes. Blackout. No fans, no AC, no washing clothes, cooking, internet, etc. I’ve spent the past six hours trying to keep a toddler, two dogs, and my old, already dehydrated self hydrated and cool while trying to convince the toddler to sleep without being as comfortable as my hereditarily sweaty family needs the temperature to be in order to sleep.
The nap came five hours late, the husky is panting while I’ve been slowly feeding what remains of ice cubes into the dogs’ water bowl, and the ice pack I was using to cool down apparently sprung a leak and started dribbling gross gelly stuff all over my shoulder in the dark.
I just ordered food and coffee. My stomach is moderately afraid, but it’s now dark, there’s still no power back, and cooking by candlelight after the past 24hrs doesn’t seem that romantic by yourself.
As I finish writing this, I’m hearing the first bit rain from what is likely yet another stupid hurricane headed this way—and power is still out—so that will definitely add to the fun in the dark (the non crazy dog is afraid of storms, because he was a street rescue, and cries like a baby). At least there’s a little bit of breeze now.
Anyway, not really looking for anything, but just still waiting to ride this day out and can’t really go scream anywhere when you have to sit and fan a kid with a piece of paper in the dark. What a day.
2023.05.29 12:38 Slow-Past3464 Hot Pink Color Wedding Sharara Set RAZIA
This is a gorgeous chanderi silk sharara set, featuring traditional gotta and resham embroidery work that adds a classic, elegant touch to the design. The embroidery work is intricately crafted by skilled artisans, creating a beautiful and unique pattern that adds dimension and texture to the fabric.
submitted by Slow-Past3464 to u/Slow-Past3464 [link] [comments]
2023.05.29 12:28 Frequent-Ads [DISC] When I Returned to My Hometown, My Childhood Friend was Broken - Ch 37 by @zyugoya
![[DISC] When I Returned to My Hometown, My Childhood Friend was Broken - Ch 37 by @zyugoya](https://b.thumbs.redditmedia.com/u9fOM9sjcEZ-2FZblp5i5O4F35HlsvxlferNhyU_xVA.jpg "[DISC] When I Returned to My Hometown, My Childhood Friend was Broken - Ch 37 by @zyugoya") | submitted by Frequent-Ads to manga [link] [comments] |
2023.05.29 11:23 brittybear94 [Thank You] Always have an attitude of gratitude ☀️
Final thank you post for the month of May 🌸 Looking forward to June and all of the local outdoor summer events starting! 🌳
u/rosiealeo1 Thank you for the cat and dog postage covered postcard! Two of the kitties look like my boy, Loki. You are living my perfect plan of a summer day: pool swimming, eating watermelon and rocket popsicles! 🍉 I’ve been eating jumbo freezies this week. Red, white and blue are my favourites!
u/stephkempf x2 Thank you for the yellow roses postcard! They have such an elegance to them.
Thank you for the Sideshows and Spectacles postcard for National Postcard week! ✉️
u/inconsolableonion Thank you for the postcard of Cartagena, Columbia. I cracked up about your cat biting your toe 😂 It’s something one of my cats would do too! (Also a lil demon!)
u/LittleBeesTwin Hana!!! I was so excited to receive happy mail from you, all the way from Bosnia and Herzegovina! Thank you for the tea, I’m really looking forward to trying the Forest Fruit as a cold tea. I loved the included stickers but I was absolutely blown away by your artwork of Stitch. Ohana 🩵 It’s going on display on my wall as soon as I finish this post! Thanks for sending purrs 😉😹
u/melhen16 Thank you for the handmade card and abundance of floral stickers! 🌸 Calla lillies have significance to me so it was neat to read the facts you wrote!
u/earthfireairwater Thank you for the lemon card! 🍋 I loved the scratch and sniff sticker! Any chance you’d share the lemon loaf recipe? My stepdad loves lemon desserts!
u/korewrites Thank you for the Star Wars day card and goodies! I absolutely love all the baby yoda stickers. I also have a ridiculous amount of plushies of the little guy! Thank you as well for the bookmark, sudoku’s and washi samples. You decorated the envelope beautifully!
u/feellikebeingajerk x3 Thank you for the handmade Cinco de Mayo card! You did an incredible job 🦙🌮🌶️ We do recognize it in Canada but we don’t celebrate it as much as the US does. I’m always down for tacos!
Thank you as well for the Monsters Inc. postcard! Back when I was little, I won a giant 3ft tall plushie of Sully. I still have it! It’s in my bedroom at my Mom’s house 🏡
A huge thank you for the Pride card, Safe Space sticker and pride heart stickers! I am looking forward to pride month and the pride parade! 🏳️🌈
u/theinnerspiral Thank you for the card of the last Queen of Hawaii! The pink heart tissue paper confetti was super cute 🩷 Thank you as well for the stickers!
u/notinmywheelhouse Thank you for the Marimekko postcard! You’re so lucky that you were exposed to art from a young age!
u/nutriyum x2 Thank you for the beautiful mail all the way from Finland! 🇫🇮 The transparent floral envelope is gorgeous, as is the wax seal. I was so excited to hear you did a student exchange in London, ON in 2015. I’ve moved around but this has been home for 7 years now. No summer plans for me other than BBQs and patio days with family!
u/KatDuq Thank you for the lovely self-care package in the prettiest pink bubble envelope 🩷 As you know, it came at just the right time! Your response to the, “This or That: Coffee Edition” is SO cute! While I drink tea more than coffee, I do enjoy an iced Capp and a hot mocha ☕️
submitted by brittybear94 to RandomActsofCards [link] [comments]
u/rosiealeo1 Thank you for the cat and dog postage covered postcard! Two of the kitties look like my boy, Loki. You are living my perfect plan of a summer day: pool swimming, eating watermelon and rocket popsicles! 🍉 I’ve been eating jumbo freezies this week. Red, white and blue are my favourites!
u/stephkempf x2 Thank you for the yellow roses postcard! They have such an elegance to them.
Thank you for the Sideshows and Spectacles postcard for National Postcard week! ✉️
u/inconsolableonion Thank you for the postcard of Cartagena, Columbia. I cracked up about your cat biting your toe 😂 It’s something one of my cats would do too! (Also a lil demon!)
u/LittleBeesTwin Hana!!! I was so excited to receive happy mail from you, all the way from Bosnia and Herzegovina! Thank you for the tea, I’m really looking forward to trying the Forest Fruit as a cold tea. I loved the included stickers but I was absolutely blown away by your artwork of Stitch. Ohana 🩵 It’s going on display on my wall as soon as I finish this post! Thanks for sending purrs 😉😹
u/melhen16 Thank you for the handmade card and abundance of floral stickers! 🌸 Calla lillies have significance to me so it was neat to read the facts you wrote!
u/earthfireairwater Thank you for the lemon card! 🍋 I loved the scratch and sniff sticker! Any chance you’d share the lemon loaf recipe? My stepdad loves lemon desserts!
u/korewrites Thank you for the Star Wars day card and goodies! I absolutely love all the baby yoda stickers. I also have a ridiculous amount of plushies of the little guy! Thank you as well for the bookmark, sudoku’s and washi samples. You decorated the envelope beautifully!
u/feellikebeingajerk x3 Thank you for the handmade Cinco de Mayo card! You did an incredible job 🦙🌮🌶️ We do recognize it in Canada but we don’t celebrate it as much as the US does. I’m always down for tacos!
Thank you as well for the Monsters Inc. postcard! Back when I was little, I won a giant 3ft tall plushie of Sully. I still have it! It’s in my bedroom at my Mom’s house 🏡
A huge thank you for the Pride card, Safe Space sticker and pride heart stickers! I am looking forward to pride month and the pride parade! 🏳️🌈
u/theinnerspiral Thank you for the card of the last Queen of Hawaii! The pink heart tissue paper confetti was super cute 🩷 Thank you as well for the stickers!
u/notinmywheelhouse Thank you for the Marimekko postcard! You’re so lucky that you were exposed to art from a young age!
u/nutriyum x2 Thank you for the beautiful mail all the way from Finland! 🇫🇮 The transparent floral envelope is gorgeous, as is the wax seal. I was so excited to hear you did a student exchange in London, ON in 2015. I’ve moved around but this has been home for 7 years now. No summer plans for me other than BBQs and patio days with family!
u/KatDuq Thank you for the lovely self-care package in the prettiest pink bubble envelope 🩷 As you know, it came at just the right time! Your response to the, “This or That: Coffee Edition” is SO cute! While I drink tea more than coffee, I do enjoy an iced Capp and a hot mocha ☕️
2023.05.29 11:07 Responsible-Ad-2758 [EU to anywhere][Sell/Swap][Perfume] BPAL, NAVA, Alkemia, Arcana, Nui Cobalt, Possets, PULP, etc.
Tracked shipping estimates are (depending on weight): EU $6, UK $7.50, US/Canada/Australia $12. 50% off tracked shipping over $60 (so $6 or less), free shipping over $120! Untracked (at your own risk) is $2 cheaper.
I'll ship within a week, usually within 2 days. Let me know if you want photos of fill levels. I have much more samples than listed, let me know if you're looking for anything specific. $12 minimum please. I'll hold for 24 hours. Open to swaps, I'll gladly take a look at your destash list!
Fill levels and notes in my destash list - I'm always adding more
Alkemia:
D&F:
submitted by Responsible-Ad-2758 to IndieExchange [link] [comments]
I'll ship within a week, usually within 2 days. Let me know if you want photos of fill levels. I have much more samples than listed, let me know if you're looking for anything specific. $12 minimum please. I'll hold for 24 hours. Open to swaps, I'll gladly take a look at your destash list!
Fill levels and notes in my destash list - I'm always adding more
Alkemia:
- Moroccan Tea - 50% - $7
- Ambre Caramélisé - $3
- In a Railway Carriage - $3
- Memoirs of a Woman of Pleasure - $4
- Old Books and Fresh Flowers - $3
- Beastress - FS - $13
- Snow Witch: Agaricum - FS - $20
- Chillum - $5
- Witches Befriend Unicorns - $5
- Yurt - $5
- Apples Crave Cake - FS - $15
- Pumpkins Crave Trees - FS - $15
- Blue Amber - $3
- Honey Craves Fairy Rings - $4
- Pumpkins Crave Samhain Fires - $3
- Aziraphale - FS - $24
- Elegy No. 1 S. 196 - 70% - $19
- Gaueko - FS - $15
- Hello, Salzburg! - FS - $18
- High School Orientation Day Glamour - FS - $23
- In Silvery Accents, Whispering Low - FS - $26
- Keichu Nyoetsu Warai Dogu - TOL - $18
- Matthew 25:34-36 - almost half - $10
- October 32 - almost shoulder - $15
- Poor Monkey 2016 - FS - swap
- Prosperous Flowers of the Elegant Twelve Seasons - FS - $20
- Schlafende Baigneuse - FS - $20
- Temple: Daoist - FS - $20
- The Fairy Lovers - almost half - $13
- Theodosius 2015 - sniffie - FWP
- Time's Infliction of Eternity - FS - $26
- Tis Thy Voice from the Kingdom of Souls - FS - $24
- Vampire Princess - FS - $40
- When the Frost is on the Punkin - near TOL - $17
- Winter: My Secret - FS - $20
- Witches Taking Off for the Sabbath - 2ml - $9
- Abalone and Peach Blossoms - $5
- All While Dreaming, Shakes Her Head - $3
- Apple II - $3
- Bedroom - $5
- Blackcurrant Sufganiyot - $15
- Buck Moon 2021 - $3
- Chasing Fireflies - $3
- Conception by the South Wind - $5
- Coral Snake - $4
- Dead Leaves, Blood Orange and Dried Apricot - $3
- Dead Leaves and Molasses Pumpkin Cookies - $3
- Dragon's Bone - $5
- Étienne de Boray Oak - $3
- Geisha in Orange Kimono Admiring a Samurai - $2.50
- Ghost Milk - sniffie FWP
- Hierophantes - $3
- Hot Speckled Gloom - $5
- Humanite - $3
- I Hear America Singing - $3
- Iced Apple Dumplings Plopped into a Sweet Potato Pie - $5
- Kimi Ga Dai Wa - $2.50
- L'essence du Chagrin - $3
- La Danse de la Sorcière - $4
- Margaret Magdalena Muffinhead - $3
- Men Will Fall to her Darkness - $3
- Mystery Powder Fizzy Candy - $3
- Orangeblossom and Driftwood - $3
- Pandemic Vanitas - $4
- Peasants Fleeing - $4
- PGAI17 - $2.50
- Philosopher Reading - $5
- Pine Needles, Frankincense, and Beeswax Absolute - $5
- Pink Silk Peony - $5
- Rosewater and Myrrh - $3
- Saw-Scaled Viper - $4
- Sentence First, Verdict Afterwards - $3
- Snooty Bat - $5
- Still Life with Dooting Skull - $3
- Sugar Cookie - $3
- Sugar Skull - $3
- Tea Leaves, Vanilla Bean, and Incense Smoke - $5
- The Butterfly - $3
- The Houses at the Back - Frosty Morning - $3
- The Magician's Hands - $2.50
- The Morning Star Among the Living - $5
- The Shepherd's Dream - $5
- Three Pairs of Shoes - $4
- Toy-Strewn Attic - $3
- White Oakmoss and Lavender - $3
- Why and What Art Thou Dreaming Here - $3
- Wild Rose and Dandelion Sap - $3
- Wrestlers - $2.50
D&F:
- Blueberry Lemon Cooler - $3
- Merry Christmas, Time Has No Meaning - $3
- Myrrh Scented Roses - $3
- Cross - FS - $20
- Lavender Amber - FS - $18
- Lavender Musk - FS - $30
- Oman - FS - $27
- OP Baba - FS - $23
- OP Sekhmet - almost shoulder - $20
- Orchid Garnet - 2.5ml - $10
- Pomegranate Aurora - 4ml - $15
- Purple Musk - FS - $32
- Vampire Wine: Lilac Blood Wine - FS - $20
- Banana's Flambe Ice Cream - $3
- Blood Rose - $3
- Butterfly Green - $3
- Ederra - $3
- Encens Bois - $6
- Encens Vanille - $6
- Eternal Necropolis - $5
- Gabriel - $8
- Glamour - $4
- Go Halainn - $4
- Koaliday - $3
- Konafa - $8
- Licorne à la Fontaine - $3
- London - $8
- Mina - $9
- Mr. Collins - $4
- Mr. Dandridge - $4
- My Heart Is Filled With Twisted Light - $3
- Neon Skull - $3
- Nibiru - $6
- Nocturnals Lustre of Moonlight - $3.50
- Orchid Crystal - $4
- Pfeffersneuse Chai - $3
- Poison Potion - $3
- Pumpkin #27 - $3
- Purple Claw Potion - $3
- Pyramid Honey Cake - $3
- Ra - $8
- Raguel - $8
- Renewal Elixir - $3
- Santalum - $5
- Satyr - $3
- Sommeil du Printemps - $3.50
- Svadhishthana (orange) Sacral Chakra - $5
- Velociraptor - $3
- Wisteria Musk - $7
- Xavier - $6
- The Conjure Man's Cabin - 1/3 - $8
- Aphrodite Chrysea - $3.50
- Balefire - $3.50
- Bee Kind To Yourself - $3.50
- Blarney - $3.50
- Bryophilia - $3.50
- Canoodling in a Crypt - $3.50
- Chionophilia - $3.50
- Cloak of Evergreens - $3
- Deus Ex Machina - $3.50
- Entombed - $3.50
- Ghost Cat - $3.50
- Guiding Star - $3
- Hobgoblin - $3.50
- House of the Frontier - $3.50
- Incense & Spidersilk - $3.50
- Kazzate - $3.50
- Li Hing Margarita - $3
- Melophilia - $3.50
- New Moon - $3
- Ominous Orchard - $3.50
- Peace - $3.50
- Scaredy Cat - $3.50
- Skeletal Birch - $3.50
- Sleep Elixir - $3
- Spectral Spidersilk - $3.50
- Sylvan Spidersilk - $3.50
- Tall Tales - $3
- Waipio Valley - $3.50
- Waltz of the Flowers - $3
- Mysterious Fossils - $5
- Rose Without Thorn - $3
- Adamus - $3
- Joan of Arc - $3
- Lavender Corset - $3
- Pink Corset - $3
- Ponder - $3
- The Kiss - $3
- And to All a Good Night - $3
- House on Widows Hill - $3
- Mark of the Moon - $3
- Moon Dust - $3
- New Snow Moon - $3
- Sonnet X - $3
- Dryad - $2
- The Princess Di of Reagan High - $2
- You Look Like a Doily - $4
- Farmhouse in Fall - $3
2023.05.29 09:31 _miraimitsuki ultimate level choosing beggar
 | submitted by _miraimitsuki to ChoosingBeggars [link] [comments] |
2023.05.29 09:28 Honest-Credit-1297 AMAZONIA
AMAZONIA
by Andrew Roller
Chapter One
It was a soft summer night. School would be out soon. His pickup was new and smelled new, and it made Susan more responsive. Her blonde hair trailed down over her face and onto his shoulders. They kissed. Crickets took up a new symphony in the long grass surrounding his pickup to celebrate the arrival of his hand, for the first time, within her tight jeans.
He felt the front of Susan’s panties. Strange, how there was nothing there, except soft folds of flesh. Susan had sweet perfume. Her lips worked harder against his.
Lifting his hand from within her jeans, he took hold of Susan’s head. She breathed a remorseful sigh. Did she want him back between her legs? Her lips seemed to beg for his return, but his mouth was pressed so tightly to hers that she couldn’t get any words out.
His fingers infiltrated the long, honey-hued strands of her hair. He felt her ear, her jaw. He seized Susan by her neck.
Susan gave a shriek as he lifted her by her neck and slammed her head into the windshield of his pickup. Her blood splattered brightly against his new, leather-like dashboard. He pulled back his fist, still gripping Susan by her neck, then slammed her head forward again.
The windshield cracked. It was safety glass and it splintered into a tightly-glued pattern of see-through jigsaw puzzle pieces. He rammed Susan’s blonde head into the jigsaw pattern. Again. Again. He broke through into the hot summer night beyond the glass.
A white glare burst through the windshield. It was made of neon bulbs. He held Susan’s lifeless neck in his hand, stared at the hole he’d made in the windshield. Then he let go of Susan. She fell unresponsively into the footwell of his truck’s cab, on the passenger side. Her 14-year-old feet, clad in sneakers, remained draped over his lap.
“My God, what have you done?” he heard from beyond the hole in his windshield. It was kind of a half-scream, this question, and instinctively he pushed himself up from the seat of his truck’s cab toward it. He groped at the broken windshield in front of him with his hands. He found he could bend it back where he’d made a hole in it. He pushed at the glass.
He climbed out of the cab through the hole in the front of the windshield. There was no dark summer night beyond the windshield, not even the hood of his shiny new truck existed beyond it. Instead, he was standing in a neon-lit laboratory. He stared at a white-coated technician.
“God, you’ve broken through,” the technician said to him.
“Are you... my father?” was all he could think to ask.
“Huh?” the technician replied. Then he gulped, once, and, seeming to understand his question, answered, “No. I just work here.”
He looked at the technician. The man was thin. His cheeks were gaunt. Sewn on his coat was a name badge. It read: “Pope”.
“Who are you?” he blurted. He began to feel a rage inside him. It was the same rage that had caused him to strike Susan’s head, so suddenly, against the windshield of his new truck, even as they kissed and she’d given him what he’d wished for from her for so long. Frantically he glanced back at the hole in the windshield of his cab, saw just shadows beyond, and wires, and some kind of a body, the person he’d once called “Susan”.
“You don’t know what you’ve done. You don’t know what it’s like. Out there... you had a good life...“ Pope said to him in a voice as frantic as he himself was feeling. His head turned from the broken windshield back to Pope. Strange, how the windshield was set into the wall of the lab behind him, was part of the wall! And he was standing on a floor, not on the hood of his new truck, as he should be. And there was no grass, no crickets. Had there ever been grass? Was it night, or day? Where was he? Who was he? A vision of a rat in a cage flitted through his mind. The rat bore his head, and he lived in a cage. Pope stood outside the cage, studying him.
And now he was free of the cage and could confront Pope directly. His hand swept briefly over his backside. No, he didn’t have a tail. And, seeing his reflection in the glass cover on a laboratory machine, he saw he was human, just like Pope was. In fact, he was several inches taller than Pope. And he was young, 15, with his Learner’s Permit in his pocket, letting him drive, and he felt strong.
Pope was going gray. He had spindly fingers and a thin neck.
“Who am I?” he blurted at Pope. “And who are you, if you aren’t my father?”
“I’m just... I just... they wanted to study a human in the wild. You had a good life. Sure, it was a six foot by six foot Emulsion Cage, but you didn’t have to ever know that. For you, it was Sedgeway, Iowa, and you were scheduled to have a normal life, right through to old age.” Pope seemed to choke on a sudden, ironic laugh. “I was working on your old age pension plan this morning. You’d have gotten it in the mail in 13 years.”
He stared at Pope. The lab technician stared back. It was just the two of them, in this brightly-lit laboratory room, with the broken windshield set into the far wall. He still regarded the man as some kind of father, despite the man’s denials.
“Thanks, I won’t be needing an age old pension plan,” he said, angrily. He wanted to grab the man by the neck but he felt somehow that the man was real, not like Susan, who wasn’t real, but only seemed real. Real humans could tell tales, tales that died when they did. He needed some tales right now. Any tales.
“Who am I? What’s my name... Pope?” he said furiously to the man.
“Huh?” Pope replied. The graying man seemed half-bewildered by having to confront, face to face, the “rat” he’d studied for so long. “No... Pope is my name. Not yours,” Pope finally managed to say as they stared at each other in the laboratory. “Yours is, well, ‘Cum-Andi’ is all it really is. Cum... sperm from the subject named Andi... that’s all you’re really known by. Plus a number.” Pope grinned. It was that wry, ironic grin that had made him utter a choking laugh a minute ago. “Do you want to know the number?” he asked.
“What’s the number?” Cum-Andi said.
“2A-95596E-2320541-3000,” Pope grinned. It was a Stephen King kind of grin, except Cum-Andi was beginning to wonder if there had ever been a Stephen King. There had, after all, never been any Susan.
“What’s that, my goddamn phone number?” Cum-Andi growled.
“No, dear boy. It’s you,” Pope replied. “It’s your identifying number and I suppose you’ll want to memorize it now, or not. The choice is yours. All choices are yours now. You had a nice life but now you’re here, aren’t you? And you can’t go home again. Because home was a six foot by six foot box that you knew as Sedgeway, Iowa, in the great United States of America at the end of the 20th century.”
Cum-Andi peered at Pope through a haze of rising anger. Who was this little man, and why was he grinning now? Pope straightened his posture and pressed his fingers to a Notebook-sized, computerized pad he was holding in his hands.
“Forgive me but I must call security,” Pope said. “You’ve escaped from your cage and we can’t have you running loose around the building. I’d get in serious trouble. I could be killed…”
Cum-Andi grabbed Pope and smashed him headfirst into a glass covering over a computer. Pope screamed. The computer sparked bits of firefly lightning and its dials dimmed. Blood ran down the face of the computer. Pope fell lifeless to the floor. His notebook fell clattering between his legs.
Bending over, Cum-Andi picked up the notebook. The fall from Pope’s hands had shattered its viewscreen. Yet Cum-Andi studied it, looked at the lettering written across its top: “Renno
Amazonia League, D.C.,” the lettering spelled out, quite distinctly, “Do Not Remove from Building”. Underneath that, in smaller lettering, was written a rationale. The computerized notepad wouldn’t work outside the building and, hence, there was no point in removing it from the building.
Cum-Andi dropped the notepad to the floor. It wasn’t working inside the building, any more. Then a chill ran down his spine. Was he like the notepad? Could he still “work” if he himself left the building?
Dashing through a door, Cum-Andi felt a sense of desperation. Who was he? Just a number? Just a rat in a cage? He left the brightly lit laboratory only to find himself in an equally brightly lit hallway. He wanted to jump up and smash the light overhead. He tried, but couldn’t quite touch it. Cum-Andi jumped again and still managed to fall just short of it.
“Damn!” Cum-Andi swore. He dashed down the hall. He saw a door set in the wall of the corridor. He grabbed the door’s knob and tore the door open. He wanted to wrench the door off its hinges but found he couldn’t.
Staring into the small dark room beyond, he felt a sudden flash of fear. He’d opened a door on a closet. The cage. Sedgeway, Iowa. His truck. Susan. His eyes scanned across a mop, a cleaning bucket, and, next to the bucket, he saw a head. It stared at him. It blinked.
“Let there be light,” the head said. It grinned up at Cum-Andi from a shelf. Wires trailed out of the bottom of its neck. It had no body.
“Who--?” Cum-Andi felt a deep chill. He was about to slam the door shut on the closet but couldn’t quite bear to because the head was grinning up at him in a casual, accepting way, despite repeatedly blinking its eyes at the sudden intrusion of light into its dark closet.
“I’m Stan, if you must know my name,” the head said to Cum-Andi. “Do you want to play?”
“No, I —“ Cum-Andi couldn’t think of anything to say. It was ridiculous. He’d been in Sedgeway, Iowa, kissing a girl he’d longed for, and now he was staring into a cleaning closet at a head with no body. Was he dreaming? He pinched himself. Nothing. No change. But he remembered dreaming before, and pinching himself in the dream to see if it was real, and being assured it was real because the pinch in his dream was a dream-pinch, not a real pinch, and so didn’t wake him.
“I’m a BabbleBot,” the head told Cum-Andi. “I can be male or female. Just get me the body you prefer, and we can play together.”
“No thanks,” Cum-Andi answered. He felt again the need to slam the closet door shut but the BabbleBot stared at him so benignly, he grabbed it instead.
Cum-Andi lifted the head so that it was level with his own.
“Who are you?” Cum-Andi asked.
The head smiled, seemed unoffended by having to restate its identity. “I’m Stan. I’m a BabbleBot. Get me a body and we can play. Male or female, your choice.”
Footsteps echoed in the hall. Cum-Andi shut the closet door. Then, thinking quickly, he opened it again. Steeling himself against the possibility of finding himself in a cage once more, clutching the head as proof of what he’d found outside Sedgeway, Iowa, he stepped into the cleaning closet. He pulled the door in behind him but left it ajar, lest he find himself locked into the closet.
“Ooooh, Post Office! I like games in the dark. I need a body, though,” the head said under the crook of Cum-Andi’s arm.
“Shhhh!” Cum-Andi told the head. Then, looking down at it in the near darkness of the cleaning closet, he asked, “Who am I?”
“Oh, I don’t know that game,” the head replied.
“Keep your voice down!” Cum-Andi scolded the head. “Whisper.”
“Okay,” the head answered. “Who am I?”
“Don’t be useless to me or I’ll kick your head in,” Cum-Andi warned the head. It seemed to understand that Cum-Andi was serious.
“Who are you? I don’t know. You haven’t told me your name yet. I’m Stan,” the head said to Cum-Andi.
Footsteps hurried past the door outside. Cum-Andi heard hissing. The noise, a conversation of hisses, died as whatever was outside the door hurried past.
“Sisguards,” the head whispered. “Have you been bad? They’ll take you to a Detention and Reeducation Center. You won’t like that. I lost my body there.”
Cum-Andi glared down at the head. It had whispered, though, and whatever was outside the door seemed to have passed by without hearing it.
“What are... Sssguards?” Cum-Andi asked.
“Sisguards?” the head replied. “My, my, you’ve never heard of them before? And you so big, how could you...?” the head paused. “You wouldn’t be a Wild One, would you?”
“A what?” Cum-Andi asked.
“Yes, you must be,” the head said to itself, still whispering, as Cum-Andi had ordered it to. “A human, from the look of you, one of the experimental ones grown in the wild. Why aren’t you in your cage?”
“You know about my... cage?” Cum-Andi paused. He still had trouble believing Sedgeway, Iowa, could really be nothing but a fictional illusion inside a six foot by six foot cage. Silently he assured himself he’d wake up at any moment and find himself in his own bed, at home, with no new truck bought for him by his dad for his birthday, and Susan still an unattainable love-object, a kind of 14-year-old Jenny McCarthy. Just like she’d always been, until she’d agreed to go riding with him in his brand-new truck this evening.
“You’ve broken out of your cage,” the head said. “My, my. We won’t have much time to play, then.”
Cum-Andi pushed open the closet door. He peered out. He clutched the head under his arm, not sure if he wanted it, but afraid to let it go just yet. It seemed to have more tales to tell him. And it didn’t seem as much of a threat as Pope had been. For one thing, it had no computerized notepad and, for that matter, no body. It had nothing but a mouth.
“Keep your voice down,” Cum-Andi said to the head under his arm.
“Sure,” the head agreed.
Cum-Andi glared up the hall, then in the other direction. All he could see was the hall’s neon-lit walls. They seemed to close him in on both sides, like a tube-shaped cage. He still felt like a rat.
“Which way? Where do I go?” Cum-Andi asked the head.
“To the bathroom?” the head answered. Cum-Andi glared at the head and it chuckled. “Sorry. A bit of levity, brighten your day, before we both wind up in Det Ed.”
“Det?” Cum-Andi asked, unable to finish because the head interrupted.
“Detention and Reeducation. They’ll get us both now, I’ll bet. I’ll lose my head,” the head answered. Its face broke into a self-pitying smile.
“Look, if you want a body, I’ll see what I can do,” Cum-Andi told the head under his arm. “But if you... if you joke around and fuck with me I’ll kick your head like a football down this hallway.”
“Sounds like a deal,” the head answered. It grinned up at Cum-Andi.
“Good,” Cum-Andi said. “Now who am I, who are you, and where the fuck are we? And how do I get out of this idiot dream I’m in?”
“Not a dream,” the head said. “You may be dreaming soon, and quite painfully, once the Sisguards get hold of you. You’re an escaped animal. Escaped from a cage. I’ll bet you came from right down the hall, hmmm? You don’t seem to have gotten very far from your cage, I’ll bet, considering how little you know. You’ll be back in your cage soon. If you haven’t polluted yourself too much with knowledge of the world outside your cage.” The head looked up at Cum-Andi, and seemed to evaluate him. “If you have polluted yourself, if you know too much, then they’ll kill you. Perhaps you’d best put me back in my closet and turn yourself in before
you know too much.”
“No!” Cum-Andi said. He looked frantically up and down the hallway. Then back at the head. “No, I’m not going back into any fucking cage,” he hissed at the head.
“It’s a nice life. You’ll get to live a full life,” the head replied. “You won’t know you’re in a cage once they’ve got you properly locked back into it. You’ll be... God knows, in Sedgeway, Iowa, if you’re one of that man’s subjects. What’s his name? The guy down the hall? Did you meet anyone besides me?” The head peered up at Cum-Andi from the crook of Cum-Andi’s arm.
“Pope?” Cum-Andi said.
“Yes! Pope! He used to have me sing to him on Friday afternoons,” the head said. “When he had to clean his lab.” The head peered at Cum-Andi closely. “You’re Pope’s subject, aren’t you? Raised in the wild. Or, rather, in a cage that you thought was a real place. Sedgeway, Iowa, right?”
“That’s right,” Cum-Andi answered.
“Pope promised me a body someday, if he could afford it, so I could clean his lab for him,” the head said. “A nice man.”
“Yeah,” Cum-Andi agreed. Something told him to keep his own hostility toward Pope under wraps. The head might not like hearing that Pope was dead.
Footsteps sounded once more in the hall. Cum-Andi jerked his head in the direction of the laboratory. There was a gentle curve to the hallway. It prevented him seeing all the way to the lab, but he guessed that whatever had passed by the hallway closet was on its way back.
Cum-Andi clapped his hand over the BabbleBot’s mouth. The head worked its jaw, futilely.
“Yeah,” Cum-Andi thought. “Blab that I’m here, fucking head. Turn me in and get a body for yourself. No way.” Mewling sounds escaped from between Cum-Andi’s clamping fingers. He pressed them more tightly to the head’s mouth.
Cum-Andi turned and ran. He was wearing sneakers. They muffled his footfalls as he ran down the hall. He was glad he hadn’t taken his Dad’s advice and worn hard-soled shoes for his date with Susan.
Cum-Andi felt a freezing sensation in the pit of his stomach. That father, that man he’d called “Dad,” hadn’t been real. Unless this was just some crazy dream he was in. That meant his mother wasn’t real either. Or his kid sister.
Bethany! Six, going on seven, just old enough to read Dr. Seuss by herself. She’d gotten lost at the Mall last weekend and Mom had gone nuts. Now, it turned out she was lost forever, or, rather, never born. Cum-Andi would have stopped, perhaps even cried, but he could hear footfalls behind him and they were numerous. They, whoever “they” were, had heard him running, despite his sneakers.
This had to be a dream. In dreams, you always wound up being chased. Cum-Andi was torn between stopping, turning around, and confronting whatever was after him. At the same time, he kept his hand over the BabbleBot’s mouth. It kept working its jaw. Cum-Andi adjusted his fingers. The head seemed to be trying to bite one of them.
“Now would be a good time to find a rabbit hole,” Cum-Andi muttered to himself, remembering a book he’d read to Bethany a few days ago, after school. She’d insisted. It had been the only way he could keep her from putting a mud-pie in the oven. And keep her from telling Mom about the pot she’d found sneaking around in his bedroom.
Cum-Andi stared at the floor. It looked solid. He jumped, once, to test it. Hey, this was a dream, right? He’d probably sink right into it.
The floor held.
“There’s the animal!” Cum-Andi heard behind him. Cum-Andi whirled about. Something burned into his arm. He screamed. If it had been his right arm, he’d have dropped the head onto the floor. But it was his left, and in his left hand he held nothing.
Cum-Andi felt tears well up in the corners of his eyes. If this was a dream, it was a damn painful one! His arm felt like it was on fire. Cum-Andi would have looked down at his arm but he couldn’t take his eyes off the creatures who were coming toward him. They resembled lizards! Lizards without tails!
They had long hair, like Susan. One lizard was blonde, two were brunettes. A brunettes had her hair pulled back into a tight, Puritan-like bun. The other two lizards let their hair flow freely down over their shoulders. The lizards had slitted yellow eyes. They seemed to be wearing blue body armor. It consisted of a blue helmet, with a Sheriff-like gold star on its front. A blue armored vest was fitted over each lizard’s torso. The lizards, underneath their vests, seemed to have bosoms. Some of the lizards were more amply endowed in their chests than others. Their arms were bare, but covered with what appeared to be small, mesh-like scales. Their legs were covered with the same cloth, or was it bare skin? Cum-Andi couldn’t decide. Most amazingly, except for one other feature, the creatures wore no pants. Cum-Andi could see what appeared to be pubic hair where the legs of each creature joined.
It was the faces, though, of the lizards that most riveted Cum-Andi. They were crocodile faces. Every lizard had a long, protuberant snout. The snout of each lizard was graced, hideously, by long, glittering fangs.
Each lizard had long claws growing from her hands. Her fangs and claws seemed to match. In fact, they did match, Cum-Andi noticed, for each lizard seemed to have chosen her own personal color to paint her fangs and her claws with.
Almost involuntarily, Cum-Andi glanced at the lizards’ feet. Yes! Protruding from what could only be described as open-toed, sandal-like boots, each lizard had claw-like toes. They had colored their toes’ claws to match their fingers’ claws and their fangs. One lizard had pink fangs, pink finger claws, pink toe claws. Another had chosen yellow as her color. A third lizard had chosen garish purple.
“Is it a Man?” Cum-Andi heard one of the lizards ask another. They hurried toward him.
“Yes. One of the specially-grown, primitive men, created for study purposes,” one of the lizards dashing toward Cum-Andi replied.
“It’s a plot! Pope cloned himself! Now he’s released his creation on us,” one of the lizards cried. The lizard who led the pack seconded this. She said:
“Kill it! Pope was wise to commit suicide. We must not be unwise and let this animal run loose, spreading his diseases among us!”
Cum-Andi watched as one of the lizards rushing at him raised what looked like a gun. Cum-Andi remembered his left arm. It still burned, badly, like a sunburn laid on with a vengeance by a too-long day at the beach.
“Don’t! You’ll kill the BabbleBot!” Cum-Andi cried. He raised up the head to block the inevitable blast of the gun aimed at him.
“He’s an animal! An escaped animal!” the BabbleBot screamed at the approaching lizards. Cum-Andi’s hand had come off the Bot’s mouth as he raised the head to protect himself.
“No!” one of the blue-armored lizards shouted. With apparent sympathy for Stan, she knocked her mate’s gun aside. The blast meant for Cum-Andi went off anyway. However, it went awry. A hole was blown into the wall to Cum-Andi’s right. Shards of it cut into Cum-Andi’s right side.
“Owwww! God!” Cum-Andi yelled. This dream was getting too painful to bear. He turned. He ran. Behind him he heard contentious yelling, as if the lizards had turned on one another.
Cum-Andi tucked the BabbleBot back under his arm so he wouldn’t drop it as he ran. Then he remembered how the head had betrayed him. Cum-Andi lifted the head. He glared at it. He kept running, though, for he could hear the lizards somewhere behind him, still shouting at one another.
“Hi. Exercise is good for you,” the head said with forced nonchalance.
“Where I come from, we play football,” Cum-Andi panted. “If you want to find out what it’s like to be a live football, betray me again.”
“You were using me to block the gun,” the head answered. “I only betrayed you after you betrayed me.”
“Yeah, sure,” Cum-Andi said. He didn’t believe the head had only been getting a just revenge. The head had yelled the minute it could, and it had been trying to talk, or shout, the whole time he’d had his hand clamped over its mouth. “Tell me how to get the fuck out of this dream. NOW!”
The head looked up. “Air conditioning is a wonderful invention,” the head replied.
Cum-Andi looked up. He slowed his pace. He scanned the ceiling. Of course! Air ducts were spaced at regular intervals in the ceiling. If he could pry off a duct’s cover, assuming he could reach it, he might... Yes! He might be able to get up into an air duct!
“You’ll need to jump high, or find something to stand on,” the head said.
Cum-Andi looked along the hall. He saw a door. He rushed to it, turned the knob. It was locked.
Cum-Andi ran on. He came to another door. It too was locked. Then, running on, he came to a hallway that cut across the one he’d been running through.
Rounding the hall’s corner, Cum-Andi found himself staring at a lizard like the ones he’d been running from. But this one had her hair pinned up in a loosely-tied scarf. She was mopping the floor. Cum-Andi scanned her figure for a weapon but saw none.
“Eeeeyah! An animal!” the lizard screamed. She raised her mop at Cum-Andi. She swung it at him, hard. It connected with his chest and sent him sprawling. Cum-Andi landed on his back. He dropped the head as he did.
“Yow!” the head cried. It went clattering across the floor.
Without thinking, Cum-Andi leapt to his feet. He attacked the lizard with the mop. He managed to wrench the mop from her hands. He began to beat the lizard. Viciously, without remorse. The lizard responded, kicking him in the groin. Cum-Andi suppressed a scream, somehow, and beat the lizard even more violently.
Cum-Andi found himself standing over the lizard. It lay at his feet. Blood gushed from its head and mouth. Cum-Andi reached down between his legs and gingerly massaged his crotch.
“Nice work. It’s dead,” the head called from across the hall.
“Now what?” Cum-Andi asked. He felt slightly disoriented by the kick he’d received in his groin.
“Her cleaning cart, idiot. Get up on her cart,” the head said. “And don’t forget me. I doubt they’ll let me off, much less give me a body, now that you’ve killed one of them. They’ll figure I’m polluted, just by having seen one of them killed. By a man. A primitive man. They wouldn’t want me talking.”
“Hmmm, I guess we’re partners in crime, then,” Cum-Andi said. He turned to the head. He walked over to it, his gait slightly awkward from the kick he’d received in his groin. “Good. You won’t be screaming about me any more.”
“Yeah,” the BabbleBot agreed. Cum-Andi scooped up the head from the floor. He looked at it. It had a dent in its forehead but otherwise it seemed just as it had been before.
Cum-Andi heard the blue-armored lizards somewhere around the corner and down the hall. They were running toward him.
I’m getting sick of this,” Cum-Andi said suddenly. He was gripped with a desire to stand his ground, to confront the lizards. He’d end this stupid dream and wake up in his own bed and--
“Look at me,” the head said in a strange, low voice. It might have been a furious voice but the head was just a head, and it seemed silly for a head with no body to be angry with him. Still, Cum-Andi obeyed the head. He looked down at it.
The head glared up at him. “Everything you ever knew is over,” the head said. “This isn’t some dream, like you wish it would be. Your past life is over. It never existed, except in your head, in your cage.” The head said the word “cage” vengefully. “You can’t smoke pot to get out of this one, or listen to Nirvana. This is real. Real life. And they’ll make you pay for killing one of them. They’re wymen, after all. Twenty-fifth century wymen. You’re a throwback. A primitive man from an earlier era. You’re not supposed to be alive, except in your cage, and then only so you can be studied.”
“Yeah, whatever,” Cum-Andi replied. And he wished he could get that name out of his head. He wasn’t Cum-Andi. He was George. George, named after George Washington, George Harrison Smith. He lived in Sedgeway, Iowa, and he had two parents, two parents who hadn’t gotten divorced, like most of his friends’ parents. And he had a 6-year-old sister, almost seven, who had just learned to read Dr. Seuss books on her own.
Cum-Andi winced at the pain in his left arm. At the shards of broken hallway in his right side. At the throbbing in his groin where earlier in the evening he’d been feeling a welcome tightness, in his briefs, as Susan proved remarkably responsive to his kisses.
Susan! He’d bashed her head into his windshield. That’s how all this had started. He’d felt, somehow, a need... a sensation that he was boxed in, inside his brand-new pickup, that he was being studied, watched, observed, and...
He’d killed Susan. Cum-Andi felt it in his gut and knew it was true. Yet Susan never had existed! Pope had said he was living in... what was it? An Emulsion Cage.
Due to Reddit’s character limit, I can only post part of my book here.
A free copy of “AMAZONIA” is at:
http://andrewroller.com
Copyright 2023 by Andrew L. Roller. AMAZONIA is a trademark of Andrew L. Roller.
submitted by Honest-Credit-1297 to sciencefiction [link] [comments]
by Andrew Roller
Chapter One
It was a soft summer night. School would be out soon. His pickup was new and smelled new, and it made Susan more responsive. Her blonde hair trailed down over her face and onto his shoulders. They kissed. Crickets took up a new symphony in the long grass surrounding his pickup to celebrate the arrival of his hand, for the first time, within her tight jeans.
He felt the front of Susan’s panties. Strange, how there was nothing there, except soft folds of flesh. Susan had sweet perfume. Her lips worked harder against his.
Lifting his hand from within her jeans, he took hold of Susan’s head. She breathed a remorseful sigh. Did she want him back between her legs? Her lips seemed to beg for his return, but his mouth was pressed so tightly to hers that she couldn’t get any words out.
His fingers infiltrated the long, honey-hued strands of her hair. He felt her ear, her jaw. He seized Susan by her neck.
Susan gave a shriek as he lifted her by her neck and slammed her head into the windshield of his pickup. Her blood splattered brightly against his new, leather-like dashboard. He pulled back his fist, still gripping Susan by her neck, then slammed her head forward again.
The windshield cracked. It was safety glass and it splintered into a tightly-glued pattern of see-through jigsaw puzzle pieces. He rammed Susan’s blonde head into the jigsaw pattern. Again. Again. He broke through into the hot summer night beyond the glass.
A white glare burst through the windshield. It was made of neon bulbs. He held Susan’s lifeless neck in his hand, stared at the hole he’d made in the windshield. Then he let go of Susan. She fell unresponsively into the footwell of his truck’s cab, on the passenger side. Her 14-year-old feet, clad in sneakers, remained draped over his lap.
“My God, what have you done?” he heard from beyond the hole in his windshield. It was kind of a half-scream, this question, and instinctively he pushed himself up from the seat of his truck’s cab toward it. He groped at the broken windshield in front of him with his hands. He found he could bend it back where he’d made a hole in it. He pushed at the glass.
He climbed out of the cab through the hole in the front of the windshield. There was no dark summer night beyond the windshield, not even the hood of his shiny new truck existed beyond it. Instead, he was standing in a neon-lit laboratory. He stared at a white-coated technician.
“God, you’ve broken through,” the technician said to him.
“Are you... my father?” was all he could think to ask.
“Huh?” the technician replied. Then he gulped, once, and, seeming to understand his question, answered, “No. I just work here.”
He looked at the technician. The man was thin. His cheeks were gaunt. Sewn on his coat was a name badge. It read: “Pope”.
“Who are you?” he blurted. He began to feel a rage inside him. It was the same rage that had caused him to strike Susan’s head, so suddenly, against the windshield of his new truck, even as they kissed and she’d given him what he’d wished for from her for so long. Frantically he glanced back at the hole in the windshield of his cab, saw just shadows beyond, and wires, and some kind of a body, the person he’d once called “Susan”.
“You don’t know what you’ve done. You don’t know what it’s like. Out there... you had a good life...“ Pope said to him in a voice as frantic as he himself was feeling. His head turned from the broken windshield back to Pope. Strange, how the windshield was set into the wall of the lab behind him, was part of the wall! And he was standing on a floor, not on the hood of his new truck, as he should be. And there was no grass, no crickets. Had there ever been grass? Was it night, or day? Where was he? Who was he? A vision of a rat in a cage flitted through his mind. The rat bore his head, and he lived in a cage. Pope stood outside the cage, studying him.
And now he was free of the cage and could confront Pope directly. His hand swept briefly over his backside. No, he didn’t have a tail. And, seeing his reflection in the glass cover on a laboratory machine, he saw he was human, just like Pope was. In fact, he was several inches taller than Pope. And he was young, 15, with his Learner’s Permit in his pocket, letting him drive, and he felt strong.
Pope was going gray. He had spindly fingers and a thin neck.
“Who am I?” he blurted at Pope. “And who are you, if you aren’t my father?”
“I’m just... I just... they wanted to study a human in the wild. You had a good life. Sure, it was a six foot by six foot Emulsion Cage, but you didn’t have to ever know that. For you, it was Sedgeway, Iowa, and you were scheduled to have a normal life, right through to old age.” Pope seemed to choke on a sudden, ironic laugh. “I was working on your old age pension plan this morning. You’d have gotten it in the mail in 13 years.”
He stared at Pope. The lab technician stared back. It was just the two of them, in this brightly-lit laboratory room, with the broken windshield set into the far wall. He still regarded the man as some kind of father, despite the man’s denials.
“Thanks, I won’t be needing an age old pension plan,” he said, angrily. He wanted to grab the man by the neck but he felt somehow that the man was real, not like Susan, who wasn’t real, but only seemed real. Real humans could tell tales, tales that died when they did. He needed some tales right now. Any tales.
“Who am I? What’s my name... Pope?” he said furiously to the man.
“Huh?” Pope replied. The graying man seemed half-bewildered by having to confront, face to face, the “rat” he’d studied for so long. “No... Pope is my name. Not yours,” Pope finally managed to say as they stared at each other in the laboratory. “Yours is, well, ‘Cum-Andi’ is all it really is. Cum... sperm from the subject named Andi... that’s all you’re really known by. Plus a number.” Pope grinned. It was that wry, ironic grin that had made him utter a choking laugh a minute ago. “Do you want to know the number?” he asked.
“What’s the number?” Cum-Andi said.
“2A-95596E-2320541-3000,” Pope grinned. It was a Stephen King kind of grin, except Cum-Andi was beginning to wonder if there had ever been a Stephen King. There had, after all, never been any Susan.
“What’s that, my goddamn phone number?” Cum-Andi growled.
“No, dear boy. It’s you,” Pope replied. “It’s your identifying number and I suppose you’ll want to memorize it now, or not. The choice is yours. All choices are yours now. You had a nice life but now you’re here, aren’t you? And you can’t go home again. Because home was a six foot by six foot box that you knew as Sedgeway, Iowa, in the great United States of America at the end of the 20th century.”
Cum-Andi peered at Pope through a haze of rising anger. Who was this little man, and why was he grinning now? Pope straightened his posture and pressed his fingers to a Notebook-sized, computerized pad he was holding in his hands.
“Forgive me but I must call security,” Pope said. “You’ve escaped from your cage and we can’t have you running loose around the building. I’d get in serious trouble. I could be killed…”
Cum-Andi grabbed Pope and smashed him headfirst into a glass covering over a computer. Pope screamed. The computer sparked bits of firefly lightning and its dials dimmed. Blood ran down the face of the computer. Pope fell lifeless to the floor. His notebook fell clattering between his legs.
Bending over, Cum-Andi picked up the notebook. The fall from Pope’s hands had shattered its viewscreen. Yet Cum-Andi studied it, looked at the lettering written across its top: “Renno
Amazonia League, D.C.,” the lettering spelled out, quite distinctly, “Do Not Remove from Building”. Underneath that, in smaller lettering, was written a rationale. The computerized notepad wouldn’t work outside the building and, hence, there was no point in removing it from the building.
Cum-Andi dropped the notepad to the floor. It wasn’t working inside the building, any more. Then a chill ran down his spine. Was he like the notepad? Could he still “work” if he himself left the building?
Dashing through a door, Cum-Andi felt a sense of desperation. Who was he? Just a number? Just a rat in a cage? He left the brightly lit laboratory only to find himself in an equally brightly lit hallway. He wanted to jump up and smash the light overhead. He tried, but couldn’t quite touch it. Cum-Andi jumped again and still managed to fall just short of it.
“Damn!” Cum-Andi swore. He dashed down the hall. He saw a door set in the wall of the corridor. He grabbed the door’s knob and tore the door open. He wanted to wrench the door off its hinges but found he couldn’t.
Staring into the small dark room beyond, he felt a sudden flash of fear. He’d opened a door on a closet. The cage. Sedgeway, Iowa. His truck. Susan. His eyes scanned across a mop, a cleaning bucket, and, next to the bucket, he saw a head. It stared at him. It blinked.
“Let there be light,” the head said. It grinned up at Cum-Andi from a shelf. Wires trailed out of the bottom of its neck. It had no body.
“Who--?” Cum-Andi felt a deep chill. He was about to slam the door shut on the closet but couldn’t quite bear to because the head was grinning up at him in a casual, accepting way, despite repeatedly blinking its eyes at the sudden intrusion of light into its dark closet.
“I’m Stan, if you must know my name,” the head said to Cum-Andi. “Do you want to play?”
“No, I —“ Cum-Andi couldn’t think of anything to say. It was ridiculous. He’d been in Sedgeway, Iowa, kissing a girl he’d longed for, and now he was staring into a cleaning closet at a head with no body. Was he dreaming? He pinched himself. Nothing. No change. But he remembered dreaming before, and pinching himself in the dream to see if it was real, and being assured it was real because the pinch in his dream was a dream-pinch, not a real pinch, and so didn’t wake him.
“I’m a BabbleBot,” the head told Cum-Andi. “I can be male or female. Just get me the body you prefer, and we can play together.”
“No thanks,” Cum-Andi answered. He felt again the need to slam the closet door shut but the BabbleBot stared at him so benignly, he grabbed it instead.
Cum-Andi lifted the head so that it was level with his own.
“Who are you?” Cum-Andi asked.
The head smiled, seemed unoffended by having to restate its identity. “I’m Stan. I’m a BabbleBot. Get me a body and we can play. Male or female, your choice.”
Footsteps echoed in the hall. Cum-Andi shut the closet door. Then, thinking quickly, he opened it again. Steeling himself against the possibility of finding himself in a cage once more, clutching the head as proof of what he’d found outside Sedgeway, Iowa, he stepped into the cleaning closet. He pulled the door in behind him but left it ajar, lest he find himself locked into the closet.
“Ooooh, Post Office! I like games in the dark. I need a body, though,” the head said under the crook of Cum-Andi’s arm.
“Shhhh!” Cum-Andi told the head. Then, looking down at it in the near darkness of the cleaning closet, he asked, “Who am I?”
“Oh, I don’t know that game,” the head replied.
“Keep your voice down!” Cum-Andi scolded the head. “Whisper.”
“Okay,” the head answered. “Who am I?”
“Don’t be useless to me or I’ll kick your head in,” Cum-Andi warned the head. It seemed to understand that Cum-Andi was serious.
“Who are you? I don’t know. You haven’t told me your name yet. I’m Stan,” the head said to Cum-Andi.
Footsteps hurried past the door outside. Cum-Andi heard hissing. The noise, a conversation of hisses, died as whatever was outside the door hurried past.
“Sisguards,” the head whispered. “Have you been bad? They’ll take you to a Detention and Reeducation Center. You won’t like that. I lost my body there.”
Cum-Andi glared down at the head. It had whispered, though, and whatever was outside the door seemed to have passed by without hearing it.
“What are... Sssguards?” Cum-Andi asked.
“Sisguards?” the head replied. “My, my, you’ve never heard of them before? And you so big, how could you...?” the head paused. “You wouldn’t be a Wild One, would you?”
“A what?” Cum-Andi asked.
“Yes, you must be,” the head said to itself, still whispering, as Cum-Andi had ordered it to. “A human, from the look of you, one of the experimental ones grown in the wild. Why aren’t you in your cage?”
“You know about my... cage?” Cum-Andi paused. He still had trouble believing Sedgeway, Iowa, could really be nothing but a fictional illusion inside a six foot by six foot cage. Silently he assured himself he’d wake up at any moment and find himself in his own bed, at home, with no new truck bought for him by his dad for his birthday, and Susan still an unattainable love-object, a kind of 14-year-old Jenny McCarthy. Just like she’d always been, until she’d agreed to go riding with him in his brand-new truck this evening.
“You’ve broken out of your cage,” the head said. “My, my. We won’t have much time to play, then.”
Cum-Andi pushed open the closet door. He peered out. He clutched the head under his arm, not sure if he wanted it, but afraid to let it go just yet. It seemed to have more tales to tell him. And it didn’t seem as much of a threat as Pope had been. For one thing, it had no computerized notepad and, for that matter, no body. It had nothing but a mouth.
“Keep your voice down,” Cum-Andi said to the head under his arm.
“Sure,” the head agreed.
Cum-Andi glared up the hall, then in the other direction. All he could see was the hall’s neon-lit walls. They seemed to close him in on both sides, like a tube-shaped cage. He still felt like a rat.
“Which way? Where do I go?” Cum-Andi asked the head.
“To the bathroom?” the head answered. Cum-Andi glared at the head and it chuckled. “Sorry. A bit of levity, brighten your day, before we both wind up in Det Ed.”
“Det?” Cum-Andi asked, unable to finish because the head interrupted.
“Detention and Reeducation. They’ll get us both now, I’ll bet. I’ll lose my head,” the head answered. Its face broke into a self-pitying smile.
“Look, if you want a body, I’ll see what I can do,” Cum-Andi told the head under his arm. “But if you... if you joke around and fuck with me I’ll kick your head like a football down this hallway.”
“Sounds like a deal,” the head answered. It grinned up at Cum-Andi.
“Good,” Cum-Andi said. “Now who am I, who are you, and where the fuck are we? And how do I get out of this idiot dream I’m in?”
“Not a dream,” the head said. “You may be dreaming soon, and quite painfully, once the Sisguards get hold of you. You’re an escaped animal. Escaped from a cage. I’ll bet you came from right down the hall, hmmm? You don’t seem to have gotten very far from your cage, I’ll bet, considering how little you know. You’ll be back in your cage soon. If you haven’t polluted yourself too much with knowledge of the world outside your cage.” The head looked up at Cum-Andi, and seemed to evaluate him. “If you have polluted yourself, if you know too much, then they’ll kill you. Perhaps you’d best put me back in my closet and turn yourself in before
you know too much.”
“No!” Cum-Andi said. He looked frantically up and down the hallway. Then back at the head. “No, I’m not going back into any fucking cage,” he hissed at the head.
“It’s a nice life. You’ll get to live a full life,” the head replied. “You won’t know you’re in a cage once they’ve got you properly locked back into it. You’ll be... God knows, in Sedgeway, Iowa, if you’re one of that man’s subjects. What’s his name? The guy down the hall? Did you meet anyone besides me?” The head peered up at Cum-Andi from the crook of Cum-Andi’s arm.
“Pope?” Cum-Andi said.
“Yes! Pope! He used to have me sing to him on Friday afternoons,” the head said. “When he had to clean his lab.” The head peered at Cum-Andi closely. “You’re Pope’s subject, aren’t you? Raised in the wild. Or, rather, in a cage that you thought was a real place. Sedgeway, Iowa, right?”
“That’s right,” Cum-Andi answered.
“Pope promised me a body someday, if he could afford it, so I could clean his lab for him,” the head said. “A nice man.”
“Yeah,” Cum-Andi agreed. Something told him to keep his own hostility toward Pope under wraps. The head might not like hearing that Pope was dead.
Footsteps sounded once more in the hall. Cum-Andi jerked his head in the direction of the laboratory. There was a gentle curve to the hallway. It prevented him seeing all the way to the lab, but he guessed that whatever had passed by the hallway closet was on its way back.
Cum-Andi clapped his hand over the BabbleBot’s mouth. The head worked its jaw, futilely.
“Yeah,” Cum-Andi thought. “Blab that I’m here, fucking head. Turn me in and get a body for yourself. No way.” Mewling sounds escaped from between Cum-Andi’s clamping fingers. He pressed them more tightly to the head’s mouth.
Cum-Andi turned and ran. He was wearing sneakers. They muffled his footfalls as he ran down the hall. He was glad he hadn’t taken his Dad’s advice and worn hard-soled shoes for his date with Susan.
Cum-Andi felt a freezing sensation in the pit of his stomach. That father, that man he’d called “Dad,” hadn’t been real. Unless this was just some crazy dream he was in. That meant his mother wasn’t real either. Or his kid sister.
Bethany! Six, going on seven, just old enough to read Dr. Seuss by herself. She’d gotten lost at the Mall last weekend and Mom had gone nuts. Now, it turned out she was lost forever, or, rather, never born. Cum-Andi would have stopped, perhaps even cried, but he could hear footfalls behind him and they were numerous. They, whoever “they” were, had heard him running, despite his sneakers.
This had to be a dream. In dreams, you always wound up being chased. Cum-Andi was torn between stopping, turning around, and confronting whatever was after him. At the same time, he kept his hand over the BabbleBot’s mouth. It kept working its jaw. Cum-Andi adjusted his fingers. The head seemed to be trying to bite one of them.
“Now would be a good time to find a rabbit hole,” Cum-Andi muttered to himself, remembering a book he’d read to Bethany a few days ago, after school. She’d insisted. It had been the only way he could keep her from putting a mud-pie in the oven. And keep her from telling Mom about the pot she’d found sneaking around in his bedroom.
Cum-Andi stared at the floor. It looked solid. He jumped, once, to test it. Hey, this was a dream, right? He’d probably sink right into it.
The floor held.
“There’s the animal!” Cum-Andi heard behind him. Cum-Andi whirled about. Something burned into his arm. He screamed. If it had been his right arm, he’d have dropped the head onto the floor. But it was his left, and in his left hand he held nothing.
Cum-Andi felt tears well up in the corners of his eyes. If this was a dream, it was a damn painful one! His arm felt like it was on fire. Cum-Andi would have looked down at his arm but he couldn’t take his eyes off the creatures who were coming toward him. They resembled lizards! Lizards without tails!
They had long hair, like Susan. One lizard was blonde, two were brunettes. A brunettes had her hair pulled back into a tight, Puritan-like bun. The other two lizards let their hair flow freely down over their shoulders. The lizards had slitted yellow eyes. They seemed to be wearing blue body armor. It consisted of a blue helmet, with a Sheriff-like gold star on its front. A blue armored vest was fitted over each lizard’s torso. The lizards, underneath their vests, seemed to have bosoms. Some of the lizards were more amply endowed in their chests than others. Their arms were bare, but covered with what appeared to be small, mesh-like scales. Their legs were covered with the same cloth, or was it bare skin? Cum-Andi couldn’t decide. Most amazingly, except for one other feature, the creatures wore no pants. Cum-Andi could see what appeared to be pubic hair where the legs of each creature joined.
It was the faces, though, of the lizards that most riveted Cum-Andi. They were crocodile faces. Every lizard had a long, protuberant snout. The snout of each lizard was graced, hideously, by long, glittering fangs.
Each lizard had long claws growing from her hands. Her fangs and claws seemed to match. In fact, they did match, Cum-Andi noticed, for each lizard seemed to have chosen her own personal color to paint her fangs and her claws with.
Almost involuntarily, Cum-Andi glanced at the lizards’ feet. Yes! Protruding from what could only be described as open-toed, sandal-like boots, each lizard had claw-like toes. They had colored their toes’ claws to match their fingers’ claws and their fangs. One lizard had pink fangs, pink finger claws, pink toe claws. Another had chosen yellow as her color. A third lizard had chosen garish purple.
“Is it a Man?” Cum-Andi heard one of the lizards ask another. They hurried toward him.
“Yes. One of the specially-grown, primitive men, created for study purposes,” one of the lizards dashing toward Cum-Andi replied.
“It’s a plot! Pope cloned himself! Now he’s released his creation on us,” one of the lizards cried. The lizard who led the pack seconded this. She said:
“Kill it! Pope was wise to commit suicide. We must not be unwise and let this animal run loose, spreading his diseases among us!”
Cum-Andi watched as one of the lizards rushing at him raised what looked like a gun. Cum-Andi remembered his left arm. It still burned, badly, like a sunburn laid on with a vengeance by a too-long day at the beach.
“Don’t! You’ll kill the BabbleBot!” Cum-Andi cried. He raised up the head to block the inevitable blast of the gun aimed at him.
“He’s an animal! An escaped animal!” the BabbleBot screamed at the approaching lizards. Cum-Andi’s hand had come off the Bot’s mouth as he raised the head to protect himself.
“No!” one of the blue-armored lizards shouted. With apparent sympathy for Stan, she knocked her mate’s gun aside. The blast meant for Cum-Andi went off anyway. However, it went awry. A hole was blown into the wall to Cum-Andi’s right. Shards of it cut into Cum-Andi’s right side.
“Owwww! God!” Cum-Andi yelled. This dream was getting too painful to bear. He turned. He ran. Behind him he heard contentious yelling, as if the lizards had turned on one another.
Cum-Andi tucked the BabbleBot back under his arm so he wouldn’t drop it as he ran. Then he remembered how the head had betrayed him. Cum-Andi lifted the head. He glared at it. He kept running, though, for he could hear the lizards somewhere behind him, still shouting at one another.
“Hi. Exercise is good for you,” the head said with forced nonchalance.
“Where I come from, we play football,” Cum-Andi panted. “If you want to find out what it’s like to be a live football, betray me again.”
“You were using me to block the gun,” the head answered. “I only betrayed you after you betrayed me.”
“Yeah, sure,” Cum-Andi said. He didn’t believe the head had only been getting a just revenge. The head had yelled the minute it could, and it had been trying to talk, or shout, the whole time he’d had his hand clamped over its mouth. “Tell me how to get the fuck out of this dream. NOW!”
The head looked up. “Air conditioning is a wonderful invention,” the head replied.
Cum-Andi looked up. He slowed his pace. He scanned the ceiling. Of course! Air ducts were spaced at regular intervals in the ceiling. If he could pry off a duct’s cover, assuming he could reach it, he might... Yes! He might be able to get up into an air duct!
“You’ll need to jump high, or find something to stand on,” the head said.
Cum-Andi looked along the hall. He saw a door. He rushed to it, turned the knob. It was locked.
Cum-Andi ran on. He came to another door. It too was locked. Then, running on, he came to a hallway that cut across the one he’d been running through.
Rounding the hall’s corner, Cum-Andi found himself staring at a lizard like the ones he’d been running from. But this one had her hair pinned up in a loosely-tied scarf. She was mopping the floor. Cum-Andi scanned her figure for a weapon but saw none.
“Eeeeyah! An animal!” the lizard screamed. She raised her mop at Cum-Andi. She swung it at him, hard. It connected with his chest and sent him sprawling. Cum-Andi landed on his back. He dropped the head as he did.
“Yow!” the head cried. It went clattering across the floor.
Without thinking, Cum-Andi leapt to his feet. He attacked the lizard with the mop. He managed to wrench the mop from her hands. He began to beat the lizard. Viciously, without remorse. The lizard responded, kicking him in the groin. Cum-Andi suppressed a scream, somehow, and beat the lizard even more violently.
Cum-Andi found himself standing over the lizard. It lay at his feet. Blood gushed from its head and mouth. Cum-Andi reached down between his legs and gingerly massaged his crotch.
“Nice work. It’s dead,” the head called from across the hall.
“Now what?” Cum-Andi asked. He felt slightly disoriented by the kick he’d received in his groin.
“Her cleaning cart, idiot. Get up on her cart,” the head said. “And don’t forget me. I doubt they’ll let me off, much less give me a body, now that you’ve killed one of them. They’ll figure I’m polluted, just by having seen one of them killed. By a man. A primitive man. They wouldn’t want me talking.”
“Hmmm, I guess we’re partners in crime, then,” Cum-Andi said. He turned to the head. He walked over to it, his gait slightly awkward from the kick he’d received in his groin. “Good. You won’t be screaming about me any more.”
“Yeah,” the BabbleBot agreed. Cum-Andi scooped up the head from the floor. He looked at it. It had a dent in its forehead but otherwise it seemed just as it had been before.
Cum-Andi heard the blue-armored lizards somewhere around the corner and down the hall. They were running toward him.
I’m getting sick of this,” Cum-Andi said suddenly. He was gripped with a desire to stand his ground, to confront the lizards. He’d end this stupid dream and wake up in his own bed and--
“Look at me,” the head said in a strange, low voice. It might have been a furious voice but the head was just a head, and it seemed silly for a head with no body to be angry with him. Still, Cum-Andi obeyed the head. He looked down at it.
The head glared up at him. “Everything you ever knew is over,” the head said. “This isn’t some dream, like you wish it would be. Your past life is over. It never existed, except in your head, in your cage.” The head said the word “cage” vengefully. “You can’t smoke pot to get out of this one, or listen to Nirvana. This is real. Real life. And they’ll make you pay for killing one of them. They’re wymen, after all. Twenty-fifth century wymen. You’re a throwback. A primitive man from an earlier era. You’re not supposed to be alive, except in your cage, and then only so you can be studied.”
“Yeah, whatever,” Cum-Andi replied. And he wished he could get that name out of his head. He wasn’t Cum-Andi. He was George. George, named after George Washington, George Harrison Smith. He lived in Sedgeway, Iowa, and he had two parents, two parents who hadn’t gotten divorced, like most of his friends’ parents. And he had a 6-year-old sister, almost seven, who had just learned to read Dr. Seuss books on her own.
Cum-Andi winced at the pain in his left arm. At the shards of broken hallway in his right side. At the throbbing in his groin where earlier in the evening he’d been feeling a welcome tightness, in his briefs, as Susan proved remarkably responsive to his kisses.
Susan! He’d bashed her head into his windshield. That’s how all this had started. He’d felt, somehow, a need... a sensation that he was boxed in, inside his brand-new pickup, that he was being studied, watched, observed, and...
He’d killed Susan. Cum-Andi felt it in his gut and knew it was true. Yet Susan never had existed! Pope had said he was living in... what was it? An Emulsion Cage.
Due to Reddit’s character limit, I can only post part of my book here.
A free copy of “AMAZONIA” is at:
http://andrewroller.com
Copyright 2023 by Andrew L. Roller. AMAZONIA is a trademark of Andrew L. Roller.
2023.05.29 09:22 Eastern_Leg_6085 I have suddenly developed rapid spreading eczema. Why?
So as of recently I started to notice a dry/scaly patch of skin on my neck. If you want to see photos, go to my recent posts and I posted the same thing in another forum that allows photos. Just very small and sort of looked like a patchier version of ringworm (but wasn’t). I tried applying emollient cream but it has now spread 4 more inches to my collarbone. It blends in with my skin until you get close enough or touch it. That’s when you can feel that it’s there. Sometimes it turns red if I take a shower or go in the hot tub.
This morning, I noticed that I now have a dime sized red/scaly patch on the side of my abdomen. Nowhere near my neck. I didn’t feel it at first as in it wasn’t itchy, but I saw it in the mirror before my shower. That’s when I saw that it was there. It’s a little bit raised when you run your finger over it, but the one on my neck blends in with my skin.
Why am I suddenly developing whatever this is?? I’m guessing it’s eczema? I’m 20, it doesn’t run in my family, so what’s causing this?
I have had body wash/lotion changes but they’re gentle and very very clean products so I know that they aren’t them. Could it be what I’m eating?
Also, this could be entirely unrelated but I might as well throw it into the mix. Around 5 years ago, I noticed that when my body temperature rises, I get pinpoint red spots on my skin. Usually on my forearms and hands. They aren’t particularly raised at all, so they are NOT hive-like. They’re pin-point red/pink microscopic spots. They aren’t bright red. They almost always happen after a long shower, and I even noticed that they developed on the tops of my shoulders after I was doing a gentle workout with no watehot steam involved.
Age: 20 years old Gender: Female Height: 5’7” Weight: 120lbs No medications or any bad habits. Current medical issues are none, only mental health issues.
submitted by Eastern_Leg_6085 to AskDocs [link] [comments]
This morning, I noticed that I now have a dime sized red/scaly patch on the side of my abdomen. Nowhere near my neck. I didn’t feel it at first as in it wasn’t itchy, but I saw it in the mirror before my shower. That’s when I saw that it was there. It’s a little bit raised when you run your finger over it, but the one on my neck blends in with my skin.
Why am I suddenly developing whatever this is?? I’m guessing it’s eczema? I’m 20, it doesn’t run in my family, so what’s causing this?
I have had body wash/lotion changes but they’re gentle and very very clean products so I know that they aren’t them. Could it be what I’m eating?
Also, this could be entirely unrelated but I might as well throw it into the mix. Around 5 years ago, I noticed that when my body temperature rises, I get pinpoint red spots on my skin. Usually on my forearms and hands. They aren’t particularly raised at all, so they are NOT hive-like. They’re pin-point red/pink microscopic spots. They aren’t bright red. They almost always happen after a long shower, and I even noticed that they developed on the tops of my shoulders after I was doing a gentle workout with no watehot steam involved.
Age: 20 years old Gender: Female Height: 5’7” Weight: 120lbs No medications or any bad habits. Current medical issues are none, only mental health issues.
2023.05.29 09:12 _Triple_ [STORE] 900+ KNIVES/GLOVES/SKINS, 50.000$+ INVENTORY. M9 Fade, M4 Poseidon, BFK Freehand, Crimson Kimono, Nomad Fade, Skeleton, Kara Lore, Bayo Autotronic, AWP Fade, Kara Damas, BFK Ultra, Kara Freehand, Kara Bright, M9 Damas, Omega, Tiger Strike, Flip MF, Bayo Tiger, Deagle Blaze, Talon & More
Everything in my inventory is up for trade. The most valuable items are listed here, the rest you can find in My Inventory
Feel free to Add Me or even better send a Trade Offer. Open for any suggestions: upgrades, downgrades / knives, gloves, skins / stickers, patterns, floats.
All Buyouts are listed in cash value.
KNIVES
★ Butterfly Knife Freehand FN #1, B/O: $2500
★ Butterfly Knife Ultraviolet FT, B/O: $822
★ Butterfly Knife Scorched FT, B/O: $616
⎯★ Bayonet Tiger Tooth MW #1, B/O: $1300
★ Bayonet Autotronic FN, B/O: $1050
★ Bayonet Tiger Tooth MW, B/O: $629
★ Bayonet Bright Water FT, B/O: $326
★ Bayonet Safari Mesh BS, B/O: $233
⎯★ Karambit Lore FT, B/O: $1110
★ Karambit Damascus Steel FT, B/O: $840
★ Karambit Freehand MW, B/O: $784
★ Karambit Bright Water MW, B/O: $759
⎯★ M9 Bayonet Fade FN, B/O: $1801
★ M9 Bayonet Fade FN, B/O: $1801
★ M9 Bayonet Damascus Steel FN, B/O: $751
⎯★ Nomad Knife Fade FN, B/O: $1156
★ Nomad Knife Slaughter MW, B/O: $544
★ Nomad Knife Blue Steel WW, B/O: $318
⎯★ Flip Knife Marble Fade FN, B/O: $646
★ Flip Knife Doppler (Phase 4) FN, B/O: $574
★ Flip Knife Gamma Doppler (Phase 1) MW, B/O: $552
★ Flip Knife Case Hardened FT, B/O: $257
★ Flip Knife Freehand FT, B/O: $255
★ StatTrak™ Flip Knife Bright Water FN, B/O: $287
⎯★ Huntsman Knife Lore FN, B/O: $461
★ Huntsman Knife Gamma Doppler (Phase 4) FN, B/O: $436
★ Huntsman Knife Doppler (Phase 3) FN, B/O: $353
★ Huntsman Knife Autotronic FT, B/O: $212
★ Huntsman Knife Bright Water FT, B/O: $129
★ Huntsman Knife Forest DDPAT MW, B/O: $129
★ Huntsman Knife Forest DDPAT BS, B/O: $123
★ StatTrak™ Huntsman Knife Rust Coat BS, B/O: $127
⎯★ Bowie Knife Gamma Doppler (Phase 2) FN, B/O: $375
★ Bowie Knife Gamma Doppler (Phase 1) FN, B/O: $363
★ Bowie Knife Tiger Tooth FN, B/O: $269
★ Bowie Knife Crimson Web WW, B/O: $192
★ Bowie Knife Bright Water FN, B/O: $159
★ Bowie Knife Ultraviolet FT, B/O: $126
⎯★ Stiletto Knife Slaughter FN, B/O: $616
★ Stiletto Knife Crimson Web FT, B/O: $412
★ StatTrak™ Stiletto Knife Night Stripe FT, B/O: $227
⎯★ Falchion Knife Lore FT, B/O: $214
★ Falchion Knife Autotronic FT, B/O: $192
★ Falchion Knife Scorched WW, B/O: $105
⎯★ Survival Knife Crimson Web BS, B/O: $216
★ Survival Knife Case Hardened FT, B/O: $198
★ Survival Knife Scorched FT, B/O: $111
⎯★ Shadow Daggers Fade FN, B/O: $368
★ Shadow Daggers Doppler (Phase 3) FN, B/O: $228
★ Shadow Daggers, B/O: $201
★ Shadow Daggers Damascus Steel FT, B/O: $108
★ Shadow Daggers Ultraviolet FT, B/O: $105
★ Shadow Daggers Black Laminate FT, B/O: $99
★ Shadow Daggers Forest DDPAT FT, B/O: $85
⎯★ Gut Knife Doppler (Sapphire) MW #1, B/O: $1700
★ Gut Knife Gamma Doppler (Phase 1) FN, B/O: $223
★ Gut Knife Marble Fade FN, B/O: $203
★ Gut Knife Doppler (Phase 2) FN, B/O: $191
★ Gut Knife Case Hardened BS, B/O: $127
⎯★ Navaja Knife Doppler (Phase 4) FN, B/O: $199
★ Navaja Knife Doppler (Phase 4) FN, B/O: $199
★ Navaja Knife, B/O: $138
★ Navaja Knife Damascus Steel FN, B/O: $111
⎯★ Classic Knife Urban Masked FT, B/O: $146
★ StatTrak™ Classic Knife Stained BS, B/O: $168
⎯★ Ursus Knife Doppler (Phase 3) FN, B/O: $476
★ Ursus Knife, B/O: $375
⎯★ Skeleton Knife, B/O: $1137
★ Talon Knife, B/O: $608
★ Paracord Knife, B/O: $305
★ Survival Knife Forest DDPAT FT, B/O: $97
GLOVES
★ Moto Gloves Transport MW, B/O: $204
★ Moto Gloves Polygon BS, B/O: $142
★ Moto Gloves Blood Pressure BS, B/O: $84
★ Moto Gloves Blood Pressure BS, B/O: $84
★ Moto Gloves 3rd Commando Company BS, B/O: $63
★ Moto Gloves 3rd Commando Company BS, B/O: $63
⎯★ Specialist Gloves Crimson Kimono WW, B/O: $1215
★ Specialist Gloves Tiger Strike FT, B/O: $672
★ Specialist Gloves Lt. Commander FT, B/O: $305
★ Specialist Gloves Lt. Commander BS, B/O: $140
★ Specialist Gloves Crimson Web BS, B/O: $137
★ Specialist Gloves Buckshot FT, B/O: $75
⎯★ Driver Gloves Crimson Weave FT, B/O: $359
★ Driver Gloves Imperial Plaid BS, B/O: $229
★ Driver Gloves Overtake BS, B/O: $77
★ Driver Gloves Racing Green FT, B/O: $48
⎯★ Sport Gloves Omega FT, B/O: $739
★ Sport Gloves Amphibious BS #2, B/O: $733
★ Sport Gloves Arid BS, B/O: $292
⎯★ Hand Wraps Giraffe MW, B/O: $212
★ Hand Wraps Leather FT, B/O: $160
★ Hand Wraps Desert Shamagh MW, B/O: $101
⎯★ Broken Fang Gloves Yellow-banded MW, B/O: $185
★ Broken Fang Gloves Needle Point FT, B/O: $67
★ Broken Fang Gloves Needle Point WW, B/O: $59
⎯★ Hydra Gloves Case Hardened BS, B/O: $65
★ Hydra Gloves Emerald FT, B/O: $65
★ Hydra Gloves Emerald BS, B/O: $62
WEAPONS
AK-47 Case Hardened BS, B/O: $130
AK-47 Bloodsport MW, B/O: $79
AK-47 Fuel Injector BS, B/O: $76
AK-47 Fuel Injector BS, B/O: $76
AK-47 Bloodsport FT, B/O: $70
AK-47 Neon Rider MW, B/O: $60
StatTrak™ AK-47 Aquamarine Revenge FT, B/O: $72
⎯AWP Fade FN, B/O: $1039
AWP Asiimov FT, B/O: $139
AWP Asiimov FT, B/O: $139
AWP Wildfire MW, B/O: $95
AWP BOOM MW, B/O: $93
AWP BOOM MW, B/O: $93
AWP Duality FN, B/O: $81
AWP Asiimov BS, B/O: $79
AWP Asiimov BS, B/O: $79
AWP Chromatic Aberration FN, B/O: $60
StatTrak™ AWP Hyper Beast FT, B/O: $68
StatTrak™ AWP Hyper Beast FT, B/O: $68
StatTrak™ AWP Electric Hive FT, B/O: $55
⎯Desert Eagle Blaze FN, B/O: $623
Desert Eagle Emerald Jörmungandr FN, B/O: $241
Desert Eagle Cobalt Disruption FN, B/O: $81
Desert Eagle Cobalt Disruption FN, B/O: $81
Desert Eagle Cobalt Disruption FN, B/O: $81
Desert Eagle Printstream FT, B/O: $54
⎯M4A1-S Blue Phosphor FN, B/O: $434
StatTrak™ M4A1-S Bright Water MW, B/O: $55
⎯M4A4 Poseidon FN, B/O: $1465
M4A4 Asiimov BS, B/O: $55
M4A4 Hellfire MW, B/O: $50
⎯USP-S Kill Confirmed MW, B/O: $72
USP-S Printstream FT, B/O: $69
StatTrak™ USP-S Kill Confirmed FT, B/O: $139
⎯AUG Flame Jörmungandr FN, B/O: $234
P90 Run and Hide FT, B/O: $147
Five-SeveN Candy Apple FN, B/O: $61
Trade Offer Link - Steam Profile Link - My Inventory
Some items on the list may no longer be available or are still locked, visit My Inventory for more details.
Send a Trade Offer for fastest response. I consider all offers.
Add me for discuss if there is a serious offer that needs to be discussed.
2023.05.29 08:58 throw10283736201away Seagrass Small Boot
I never saw Hydro Flask officially sell boots in Seagrass green on their website :(. I found CHEETAH on Amazon selling a good Seagrass boot but it’s only available for wider bottles - I have an 18 oz standard mouth bottle. Does anybody know if it’s just currently out of stock or where else I could get one. OR do you think a Sunflower yellow boot could be a good summery pairing with Seagrass? Thanks in advance!
submitted by throw10283736201away to Hydroflask [link] [comments]