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How do you explain this disorder to a therapist?

2023.05.29 16:41 HawkCreative2631 How do you explain this disorder to a therapist?

I know this Subreddit sees this question asked every other day, but by scrolling through previous threads, I never quite got a concrete answer, or one that may help me.
I’ve been daydreaming my entire life. My earliest memory is pacing around our living room table, listening to music through the television, happy in my own world. I do not think it is a result of my trauma.
It’s not happy anymore. I have severe identity issues. I daydream every day, all day. The only thing that stops it is my few interests such as photography and printmaking, but that’s temporary and not something I can do as often as my daydreaming occurs.
I am not sure whether my relationships, thoughts, emotions, etc. are real, or if it is something I made to replicate the things that I dream about. I am depressed, forgetful, and constantly tired.
I’m tired of keeping this to myself.
I have 2 therapists. One focuses on my identity in terms of navigating queerness, the other focuses on the recent developments in my life. Nearly every meeting boils down to depression, though, and while I appreciate the help, I would like to introduce my maladaptive daydreaming and work towards bettering myself. I do not think my mental health can improve if this is kept under wraps.
How would you suggest I go about describing the disorder, and the ways in which it affects me?
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2023.05.29 16:39 Good-Pop-7904 Movers + Homeless Week

Has anyone had any luck finding movers that will move and/or store your stuff over homeless week(s)? Or at least move things to a storage unit one day and move them to a new apartment on another day for a REASONABLE PRICE?
I have been quoted for like $2000+ because I keep getting quoted outrageous minimums twice because companies are considering it two whole moves (which is understandable, but there is no way it will take anywhere near 4 hours to move 12 pieces of furniture).
Anybody know of any good companies that could help me out for somewhere around (or hopefully less than) $1000?
My issue is that my lease ends on the 15th of July and my new one doesn’t start until the 8th of August :(
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2023.05.29 16:38 J_is_lookin_cool I start my new job today and I couldn't be more stressed and regretful

So I work for a fairly big retail corporation, and recently, corporate has decided to cut hours, bringing me from pretty much full time to just over part time hours. Of course, I'm super angry about it, and so I got a second job as a server at a restaurant to make up for the hours that I'd be missing.
Here's the thing: I regret getting a second job, and I couldn't be more stressed about it. I woke up this morning and almost had a panic attack because of it. My training is in almost an hour and a half and I just don't know if I can do it. I've been on the verge of panicking since and I don't know what to do. This has never happened before whenever Ive gotten any other job either. I do deal with anxiety just in general, and Im wondering if that has something to do with it, and it's not so much about the job.
But still, I dont think I've ever not looked forward to something more.
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2023.05.29 16:38 danielj1632 What would happen to my debts if I died by suicide?

I'm 24, not married, have no kids. I have tens of thousands in debt and I barely make enough money to survive. I don't have skills, college credit, a degree, family to help, money for trade school, the ability to borrow any more money.. I feel entirely out of options. I'll spend the rest of my life just making interest payments and treading water.
I have private and federal student loans, I have medical debt, some in collections, personal loan debt, other collections.. It's ruined my life and all I do is work to pay debt.
If I died, I understand the debt doesn't disappear. By my understanding someone would try to auction off my stuff to raise money to pay it off, but unequivocally I have nowhere near enough to sell to even cover a fraction of it. At that point, the rest is just a loss?
Debt collectors would try to come for everyone around me and I would feel bad because I know what the spam and harassment from them is like, but if I write that under NO circumstances is anyone to take on any of my debt for me, ignore the collectors, send a cease and desist if necessary. But DO NOT take this debt.
If everyone knows that, then that's the only way to get rid of this debt basically right? If the death seems intentional, does that change things?
The debt, especially student loans, can't be discharged through bankruptcy, leaving the United States, it seems like the only option is suicide, and tell everyone the debt died with me
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2023.05.29 16:37 ISellRubberDucks My biggest pet peeve

My biggest pet peeve submitted by ISellRubberDucks to geocaching [link] [comments]

2023.05.29 16:37 Wewladdy8401 Got a UTI, really sick. Went on cipro (found out it was terrible,) and switched to amoxicillin after one dose.

This is from my post on another support group last night:
I've gotten much much more unwell the past few hours. Doctor said it couldn't have been the antibiotic, not even herxheimers reaction, assuming that the tablespoon of coconut this morning and garlic extract didn't magically start die off immediately. I haven't been taking anti fungals regularly yet. Here's my symptoms,
Extremely tight neck, headache, brain fog Whole body feels heavier, unusually tired Chills/hot flashes, been feeling really cold Little harder to breathe, could be anxiety? But that's been the same for hours, same with my heart rate. Heart rate is slightly higher, resting around 95-105bpm. Really bloated. Hurts a little to breathe deep below my right rib cage. It's not really hard to stay awake but I feel very out of it, possibly dissassociating a bit. I felt "okay" earlier all things considered before my nap about 4 hours ago. Been downhill since, pretty constant last hour though. Not changing I mean, getting worse.
I got a CT scan done a month or 2 ago for really bad stomach pain, everything was fine. Doc assumed then I had a real bad stomach flu. Got over that in maybe a week or two.
The only ideas I can think up is the UTI is hitting me VERY hard all of a sudden, or maybe I had a bad reaction to the cranberry extract I bought today. But I've had cranberry juice before, felt fine. The Florastor probiotic is new to me as well, but I've never heard of people getting more than a stomach ache from probiotics.
Just emptying my brain out. Doctor isn't really able to help. Just said to call her tomorrow to let her know how I'm doing or to give her updates. Drink lots of water, try to eat well, easy to digest foods, take the antibiotic tonight, call her in the morning.
I need to emphasize, there WAS an overgrowth of bacteria in my urine. If there wasn't I probably wouldn't have gone on the antibiotic. Really felt I didn't have a choice. Just praying it doesn't make my stomach much worse and the precautions I'm taking against that are enough. Like I said it doesn't hurt as much to pee as it did, but I just feel so much worse overall. I'd prefer burning to all of this crap.
After I get over this I'm gonna take my candida more seriously. I got a headache last night just thinking about it, "oh God what if it is fungus, (I didn't get urine results till this morning,) "oh God what if i get die off during this antibiotic course and I feel twice as worse." I'm already near as bad as can be. Just not throwing up. Which honestly has been my main concern, why I avoided just attacking the fungus like I need to. I'm so sick of being sick. I haven't felt myself in years, and to be dealing with all this extra stuff.. it's just so much. I need to deal with it soon. Quality of life is really crappy. Glad I'm not ever this bad though less I'm really sick.
TODAY: I feel very slightly better. Very slightly. Whole body still hurts, headache, tired, still burns a bit to pee but everything's improved a tiny bit.
I'm not sure I should keep taking the florastor since it is a yeast, but I've read it's a good one that counteracts candida. Florajen, I know very little about. I guess my main reason for posting here is to figure what I should take with my antibiotic to keep my gut and candida from getting even worse. I did have coconut oil and garlic yesterday morning; I'm worried that's what made me feel so sick though. Before I took those I felt "okay" overall, shitty, but not really really sick. Worst part was the burning when I peed. But later in the day the worst part was the fatigue, headache, nausea. It being a little harder to breathe. That's all a little better though my heart rate is still resting pretty high. Read that can happen with antibiotics, though.
submitted by Wewladdy8401 to Candida [link] [comments]

2023.05.29 16:36 AMIGAalive Looking for WWII anti-aircraft gun / flak information, for a computer game

for a little shoot-em-up (well, down) game that i'm working on, i'm looking for some technical info about WW2-era anti-aircraft guns / flak. it's not going to be spectacular (nowhere near a "simulator"), but i wanna get a picture of an AA gunner's work & workplace, to try to get some basics right, so the end result maybe won't be just dumb.
here are a couple of questions, maybe you can help me out, or if you like just add what comes to your mind. :-)
  1. how would a gunner typically set up the shot? (meaning: apart from the obvious aiming) what settings are there, and how do they work? (like "amount of gunpowder", "open/close valve", "timer", ...whatever, i have no idea)
  2. in a dual or quad AA gun, if one barrel jams, would the other(s) still work and continue to be used?
  3. is AA ammo (of the time) generally/typically shrapnel ammo?
  4. from what i can see in pictures etc., at least smaller AA guns have a "crosshair"-thing in front of the gunner's seat - is there some sophisticated relation going on between the gun and the crosshair (and its rings)?
also links to WW2 AA gun training or tech videos very much appreciated.
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2023.05.29 16:36 ofshlagenheim 28M from France looking for some friends

Hey :) my name is Simon, I'm a 28 French guy, I live in a small town near Paris. I don't have any foreign friends and I'm looking to practice my English. I would like to reduce my ugly French accent (Les français, françaises et autres francophones sont également les bienvenus)
About myself: I'm working in the sociomedical field as a psychologist. I have a cat. I like science fiction, psychedelic and experimental music, art, sports, football, concerts, video games (currently playing TOTK) and I'm open to a lot of new stuff
If you decide to write me, please introduce yourself a bit, and tell me your favourite colour (it's a way to check if you read my post until the end)
See you :)
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2023.05.29 16:36 Saggy__Dingfro 22 [M4F] [Relationship] Midwest/Anywhere - Are you https? Because without you I'm ://

Well then, putting myself out here again to maybe find the one for me :)
A bit about me… I'm a shorter nerdy guy. Quite shy and introverted but once you get to know me I’ll emit some chaotic/hectic vibes but that’s nothing to be scared about. (Right…?)
I’m looking for someone hopefully living near me but I’m okay with a long distance since I’ve had one before. Im on an insanely messed up sleep schedule so you can usually find me talking to you very late at night and I’m always down to talk about anything :)
I don’t want you reading for a while, so I’ll just list some interesting things about me…
Some likes: Music: Into almost everything but country and modern rap. Currently in a King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard phase but I’ll listen to most genres. Shows that I like and am currently watching: Moon Knight, Stranger Things, Daredevil, Loki, Black Mirror, Brooklyn 99, Cyberpunk Edgerunners Movies: I’m a big Star Wars fan (except the newer ones) and big into Marvel as well. But some other movies that stand out are The mummy, Baby driver, and the kingsman
What Im looking for…
Lots to take in but if you’re interest just shoot me over a DM and I’d be happy to talk. Just make your opener a bit interesting instead of a simple “hi” or “how are you”
Look forward to hopefully talking to you!
submitted by Saggy__Dingfro to MeetPeople [link] [comments]

2023.05.29 16:35 Saggy__Dingfro 22 [M4F] Midwest/Anywhere - Are you https? Because without you I'm ://

Well then, putting myself out here again to maybe find the one for me :)
A bit about me… I'm a shorter nerdy guy. Quite shy and introverted but once you get to know me I’ll emit some chaotic/hectic vibes but that’s nothing to be scared about. (Right…?)
I’m looking for someone hopefully living near me but I’m okay with a long distance since I’ve had one before. Im on an insanely messed up sleep schedule so you can usually find me talking to you very late at night and I’m always down to talk about anything :)
I don’t want you reading for a while, so I’ll just list some interesting things about me…
Some likes: Music: Into almost everything but country and modern rap. Currently in a King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard phase but I’ll listen to most genres. Shows that I like and am currently watching: Moon Knight, Stranger Things, Daredevil, Loki, Black Mirror, Brooklyn 99, Cyberpunk Edgerunners Movies: I’m a big Star Wars fan (except the newer ones) and big into Marvel as well. But some other movies that stand out are The mummy, Baby driver, and the kingsman
What Im looking for…
Lots to take in but if you’re interest just shoot me over a DM and I’d be happy to talk. Just make your opener a bit interesting instead of a simple “hi” or “how are you”
Look forward to hopefully talking to you!
submitted by Saggy__Dingfro to ForeverAloneDating [link] [comments]

2023.05.29 16:35 kingchoco7 “Good” Mortgage Co-sign Opportunity?

Hi all, apologies in advance for the long post -
My mother has been in the process of searching for property in Houston for the last year and has finally found a 3b/3b house that she’d like to purchase near downtown Houston. In passing this week, she mentioned that she’d need me to be the primary signer on her mortgage - banks are hesitant to give her a 30-year fixed mortgage as she is in her mid 60s and she doesn’t generate income in the US.
Financially, my mom is comfortable and has been for as long as I can remember. She’s been retired for the last 10 years, and has a healthy financial trust and rental property from a foreign country that she’s been living off of. I don’t know exact figures, but I estimate that she has been able to pay herself $80k-$120k per year, and she lives a very frugal lifestyle.
I will be getting further details on the specifics regarding the mortgage later, but let’s use these assumptions for now: 1) Moms home will be ~$800k, with a ~$400k down payment being rolled over from a recent home sale. 2) My mom and I will be named on the title of the home. 3) She will be able to pay all expenses for the home on a monthly basis and has substantial savings. 4) She will be a tenant 9 months of the year, and expects to airbnb the home for 3 months of the year while she travels. 5) I expect to inherit part or the entire amount of equity in the home as part of her estate. This last point is key and to me is the value prop from my perspective of this arrangement.
Im in my mid 20s, have a TC of $145k, and rent an apartment in a HCOL city in the NE. No plans of buying a residential home in the near future, but I am planning on purchasing my first rental property in 2024. I have a relatively low overhead, no debt of any kind, and invest the majority of my after tax income.
Is it naive to view this situation as a rental property and a potentially good deal? My mom would be footing the down payment, paying the monthly mortgage (assuming continued good health, touchwood), and I may serve to gain substantial equity.
I’ll be getting additional details on the house details and my moms plan/expectations, but ahead of that conversation I wanted to get outside thoughts on pros/cons, as well as additional considerations to keep in mind before potentially be a co-signer, as I understand that general wisdom is that co-signing for family is often a bad idea. Also, I’ve read that I may lose out on some first home buyer incentives in the future that may be beneficial. In addition, my DTI ratio will be high after this house so I probably won’t be able to buy property for a while as a result.
Note: She is currently renting an apartment for ~$2k/month, so she will continue to rent should I reject co-signing. The $400k will continue to sit in a HYSA and earn ~4% interest.
Please let me know if I’m missing key information to include and I’d be happy to. Thanks for reading.
submitted by kingchoco7 to personalfinance [link] [comments]

2023.05.29 16:34 VoidChaserSocial AITAH for screaming at my parents?

This happened when I was younger, me (at the time) 10/F was playing LEGOS with my brother 8/M and I had dropped a piece. I had to move my beanbag and lay on the floor to grab the LEGO from under the table in our room. My Brother grabbed the beanbag (nearly 50 pounds) and dropped it on my head! I wasn't as strong as him and was stuck, my face into the carpet. He jumped on the beanbag with all the power he had, onto the back of my skull. I tried screaming for help but the carpet muffled my pleas. He was laughing at my futile attempts to get him to stop. Thankfully I was able to flip so my back was on the floor so he was jumping on my stomach. Reached my hand around and grabbed his ankle and he fell to the flood when he tried to jump, and I crawled out from under the bag. I dragged it over to him and put him underneath. I knew if I jumped on him it would kill him, so I just pinned him underneath it while I called him petty names. My parents walked in on me pinning him down and broke up the fight.
Vut this is where it gets stupid... They didn't punish him! They punished me for 'being older, so I should know how to behave.' I cussed them out for being so ignorant of the pain I went through. And days later he told me he did it because I didn't want to play roblox with him...
I had bruises on my chest for a week and I may have brain damage from the incident. We get along better nowadays and I still bring it up to him whenever he is winning an argument.
submitted by VoidChaserSocial to AITAH [link] [comments]

2023.05.29 16:33 No_Competition4897 [HIRING] 7 Jobs in Portland Hiring Now!

Company Name Title City
Russellville Park Restaurant Server with Minium 2 Years Experience Portland
Russellville Park Program Supervisor Portland
Alsan Residential Service, LLC Registered Nurse Portland
Jobot Health Registered Nurse Sign on Bonus All Specialities Portland
Jobot Nurse Practitioner- In Home Acute Care Portland
Integrated Healthcare Staffing LPN Licensed Practical Nurse * $34 - $40 hourly DOE Portland
STG Logistics Immediate Openings Owner Operator Wanted Home Nightly Portland Portland
Hey guys, here are some recent job openings , feel free to comment here if you have any questions, I'm at the community's disposal! If you encounter any problems with any of these job openings please let me know that I will modify the table accordingly. Thanks!
submitted by No_Competition4897 to PDXEmployment [link] [comments]

2023.05.29 16:33 UsedCondom-inium WTS Pro-Tech, BMs, ZT and a TwoSun

What’s up KS? Got some goodies I’ve tried and didn’t like very much and selling does better than sitting in my collection.
First off is the Pro-Tech Runt 5 wharncliffe magnacut blade in textured G-10. Only owner on this one I bought it new at REC. Honestly very fun knife to fidget with. Very snappy action and feels good with the textured scales. I carried this a few times but can’t get over the size so I stick to my TR-3. Never taken apart maybe cute open a couple boxes. Comes with box and pouch. A- SV155
Next up I have a ZT 0350 in S30V. 2nd owner on this I believe. Got it on the swap in a trade. I’m not gonna lie I don’t like assisted knives but this guy surprised me. Good action and feels great in the hands. I only carried it the day I got it and in the box it went. Last owner definitely carried it some as shown on the pocket clip. B- because of the clip. Comes with box and papers. SV145
This guy is a fantastic bang for your buck. I believe for about $130 you get a twosun SL-16 in full titanium and m390 blade steel. Button lock is pretty solid especially for being my only button lock as of now. Carried this a few times and did a paper test. A small snail mark near the tip of the clip side. I’d give it a A- for being second owner. Comes with box. SV100
Finally 2 benchmades that I’m selling together. A Barrage and a Griptillion both in 154cm. Brand new blades on these guys directly from Benchmade. Not much to say for these other than I didn’t care the assist on the barrage and the serrations on the grip. I’ve disassembled the grip and cleaned it but haven’t touched the Barrage. 2nd owner. No box but comes with Benchmade pouches. SV for both 135
Some of these hurt to let go but I could really use the extra cash. All offers are obo. Anything that’s sold today will be shipped out today! Thanks for looking!
submitted by UsedCondom-inium to Knife_Swap [link] [comments]

2023.05.29 16:32 KeySignificant5299 Sell Aluminum near me

Sell Aluminum near me submitted by KeySignificant5299 to u/KeySignificant5299 [link] [comments]

2023.05.29 16:31 SleeplessFromSundown The Séance Club - The End of Windhaven Manor [Final]

This post is the final part of this story. Sorry it has taken so long to get through. And I'm not sure I even understand all of it yet. If you're new, this all started here. The previous part (Part 7) is here. Thank you to everyone who followed along.
“Do you see her?” I asked in a meek voice.
“You mean that girl in black?” Harvey answered.
It was her, in the flesh. Her lips parted and formed a malevolent smile. Her dark eyes fixed on mine. My legs turned to solid lead. My feet refused to move. The anxiousness to reach Parker and Juliet and Beth in the cellar crumbled like the wood turning to ash behind us. She demanded my attention.
A hand rocked my shoulder. Harvey. I pushed him away.
“You have to go. Help them. I’ll take care of her.”
“What about you?”
“I’ll be right behind you.”
A mirage of Harvey flitted past Ally and disappeared into the kitchen. Everything blurred, everything but her.
She tilted her head to one side and bridged the gap between us with four slow and deliberate steps. She pushed her right hand out from a long sleeve and ran the black painted nail of her index finger across my cheek, the smooth lacquer cold against my skin. I shuddered as the chill spread like ice creeping up a window.
“It is such a shame to be losing you so soon. We’ve only just met, and yet I feel like we’ve known each other our whole lives. Do you feel it too?”
I shook my head. “Let me go.”
“We’re past that now Sam. I considered if we could coexist, you and I. It gave me a thrill knowing there is another one out there like me. But you insist on meddling with my work.”
“You mean locking all those girls in that filthy dungeon where they met their end? And Jane here.”
“The work is sometimes unpleasant.”
“But the pay is good?”
“This isn’t about money Sam. You and I are the same. The pain you felt from not fitting in. The lonely nights lying awake, wishing you could be like everyone else. The stares and the whispers. The rejection from those who are supposed to love us the most. I too know. But where you hid, I searched out a path where my talents were appreciated and rewarded. You don’t hate me Sam. You hate yourself for not thriving like I have.”
“Thriving? Is that what you call it?”
“By all measures yes. I am good at what I do. The best. The only. Or so I thought. And then there is you. A naïve, sheltered little boy who can barely put on his own pants in the morning. It is such a shame. And these so-called friends of yours, that was always doomed to failure. Oh and if you harbour any thoughts of them escaping, know that we blocked the little secret entrance the stable boy showed you. There’s no escape except through the fire. When they pick through the ashes of this building they will find their bones, and yours. Is this how you imagined it turning out?”
I flexed the muscles in my legs, but they refused to move. Ally smiled.
“It’s useless now Sam.”
I heard the faint whisper of Juliet’s voice in my head. She pleaded with me. Come on Sam, you can do this. I remembered the last encounter with Ally, outside the wall separating Windhaven Manor from the world. Ally had put me in the white room. I had broken free. I had overcome her power once. I had to do it again.
I took a deep breath in through my nose and cried out and willed my feet to move. Electricity coursed through my body and I directed it down to the floor. My left heel separated from the floor and that set the whole thing in motion. The dam burst. I lurched forwards and overbalanced and sprawled to the floor.
Ally crouched beside me and chuckled. “Some would call it a tragedy for a child to die so soon after learning to walk.”
I looked back towards the front of the house. The fire burned hot. Thick black smoke circled up the huge open space of the gallery. Portraits hanging on the wall bubbled and curled as flames consumed them.
A figure appeared at the foot of the staircase. The spectre of Crown. The goons had dragged his lifeless corpse out of the house, but stood before me was the spirit with unfinished business. The ugliness of his actions showed through now in death. His skin was sallow and wrinkled. His head too big for his body and his teeth yellowed. A grotesque monster made worse by his mortal demise.
Ally whispered in my ear. “He knows it was your meddling that brought about his end. I’ll leave you two alone.”
She brushed my cheek with the back of her hand and stood. As she walked away leather straps materialised out of thin air and pinned my body to the floor.
The spectre of Crown grew before me, swelling in size until he had to crouch to stay below the chandelier. He clenched his fists and with burning red eyes let out a guttural growl that skipped my ears and penetrated directly into my skull.
I tried to pull my hands to my ears but they would not come. It made no difference. The roar coming from Crown stabbed the inside of my head like a thousand daggers. I lifted my head and the growl grew to a scream that ricocheted around the inside of my skull. I couldn’t take much more. It felt as though my head would explode.
Guilt bubbled up and mingled with the fear and I shrank into the floor and wished for it to swallow me. They were down there, the only friends I had known, banging against a locked door denying their escape. I sobbed. I sobbed like I had the night my parents turned from me.
In the pit of my stomach something else grew. A seed of frustration born of a lifetime existing in a world that didn’t make sense. A world where I had no idea who I was and what I could or should do. A world in which I hid. I couldn’t do that now.
Juliet’s voice as clear as day, cutting through the racket of Crown’s scream. Do it Sam. I gritted my teeth and electricity buzzed somewhere deep inside, at first dull and imperceptible, and then amplified and resonating until it peaked into a deafening roar.
Above Crown the bulbs in the chandelier glowed white. He swivelled his head and watched them dumbly.
I concentrated, felt the energy forming an extra limb. Like the arms and legs of a newborn it flailed spasmodically. I fought to control it, to turn it to my will. I focussed on the straps pinning me to the floor. The electricity fed into the straps and turned them hot. For a moment I feared they would scold my skin, and then in a moment of release they split and flung upwards.
I picked myself up off the floor and faced the spectre of Crown. Like a spent boxer throwing one final punch I threw out my hands and screamed, willing Crown to be quiet and be still. Demanding he be so.
The floor shook. The dozens of bulbs in the chandelier shattered. The giant spectre of Crown diminished and the screaming inside my head softened until it was no more. Crown’s eyes opened wide as his mouth stitched together and his arms wrenched behind his back. I flicked my hand like I was swatting a fly and Crown flew into the corner of the room and slumped to the floor.
I bent over and rested my hands on my knees. My muscles ached, like I had run a marathon. Shadows played on the floor. I sucked in air and smoke and spluttered and coughed.
In the hallway the silhouette of Ally. She turned and shook her head. The heat of the fire intensified and crackled at my skin. If we were to make our escape, she could not be here to block us. I straightened and strode towards her.
I cycled furiously through the events of the last few days, searching for something to defeat Ally. I had to do to her what she had done to me. The time for running and breaking her spells was through.
I closed my eyes and concentrated. I stripped away everything except for the two of us. The crackle of the fire replaced with silence. The smell of the smoke disappeared. The heat washed away. One by one I shut down all my senses. When I opened my eyes a monotone room of white. Sterile calm had replaced the burning insides of Windhaven Manor.
Her eyes scanned the room and she giggled. “Cheap tricks won’t get you far,” she said. “And you learned this one from me.”
The white rippled as if the walls were made of water. She was fighting it. I concentrated, focussing all my energy, all my will. The ripples slowed and then stopped.
“You’re a fast learner,” she said. “But I have been doing this for more than a weekend.”
Strips of colour permeated the white. A rectangle of tile appeared on the floor. And then some blue from the curtain. Enough of a smouldering wall to let in some smoke. The acrid smell reached my nose and I spluttered. As each wedge of colour appeared, I filled it back in white. But it was a sinking ship and the pail I held to bail out the water would not be enough.
Ally grunted under her breath. A grunt of frustration. The white room shook and made a sound like a train bearing down.
I had to bind her. I raised my palm and coils of rope rose from the ground and oscillated like snakes around her. She swatted them away and wrenched them from the ground and flung them at my feet, limp and unmoving.
“It won’t be that easy,” she sneered.
My arms jerked behind my back. She bound my wrists and then my ankles. She pursed her lips and blew as if extinguishing a single candle on a birthday cake, and it was enough to send me to the floor. I couldn’t do this on my own. I needed help.
I shut my eyes and concentrated my energy not on my bindings, but on the woods at the back of Windhaven Manor. On the girls who escaped the dungeon and now roamed the forest, watching the house burn from behind the barrier Ally constructed.
I fed the energy coursing through my body into the giant snowdome structure until it burned hot and then like the globes in the chandelier, it cracked and exploded into the night sky. The spirits of the girls watched the shards disappear and then strode towards the Manor.
I turned my attention to the tiny room beside the pantry, where Jane Laughlin lay bound to the bed. I stood beside her and lay my hand on the shackles binding her to the bed. She shuddered as the mask came free from her mouth and then stood as the shackles broke.
I opened my eyes and the white of the room flickered off and then back on again like bad reception on a television. I had to keep the white walls up long enough for them to draw near. For them to be ready when the façade fell. Ally strode towards me, exuding confidence.
“You can’t beat me Sam.”
Ally squeezed her hands into fists and screamed. In a burst of energy she wiped the white room clear and we were back in the burning house. The air was thick with smoke. Behind me a timber beam tumbled from the ceiling and crashed to the floor. The heat and smoke sucked the moisture from my insides and I heaved out a series of coughs.
Ally opened her eyes and smiled. She had bested me. But then they came. The girls from the dungeon and Jane Laughlin surrounded her. The sum total off all the pain and hurt inflicted in this place. Everything Ally had worked to keep hidden from the world.
They lurched at Ally. She raised her hands and pushed them back one by one as they went for her. She spun on the spot, trying to keep them at bay. She could not hold them all back. The sheer weight of numbers overwhelmed. They leaned in and pushed their heads into hers and showed her what those men had done. Made her feel it. The fear and despair and anger of each individual stacked together and Ally crumpled to the floor holding her head.
“Make it stop,” she said.
They kept at her.
Jane Laughlin sidled over to the base of the stairs where Crown sat, bound and with his mouth stitched. She considered him, restrained and helpless on the floor as she had been. He fought with his restraints, and then whimpered, as she had. As I ran for the pantry and the wine cellar, the corridor filled with the muffled sound of his screams.
The door to the cellar stood open and I made the descent of the stairs in three leaps. The enclosed space already full with smoke. At the end of the long corridor leading outside, Parker and Harvey shouldered the door. Juliet and Beth screamed encouragement. The door would not budge.
“We can’t go that way,” I yelled.
They raced back up the long corridor. A sudden rush of emotion bubbled up to the surface. I was so happy to see them all still alive. My lower jaw rattled and my hands shook. I fought to hide it.
Beth reached me first. “Sam, you’re ok.”
I blubbered a response and took in a lung full of smoke. We had to get out.
The fire raged outside the kitchen door. A wave of flame climbed up and spread across the ceiling. A subtle cracking sound from above intensified and a chunk of the upstairs floor came crashing down through the ceiling, blocking the rear door. We couldn’t get out the back. The only way now was back through the house. A ball of flame whooshed through the doorway and I put my arm up too late, my eyebrows wilting in the heat.
We crouched together in the middle of the kitchen, lowering our heads to get the last of the remaining oxygen. Malicious red flames and choking black smoke surrounded us on all sides.
“Where do we go now?” Parker’s words came out between coughs. Tears streaked down his cheeks. Soot covered his brow. I wished I had an answer.
Then he was there, standing over Parker’s shoulder. Leon. With the protective bubble gone, he too was free to come in the Manor.
“The fire has not yet consumed the dining room. But you don’t have long.”
I looked vaguely in the direction of the kitchen door and blinked back the stinging from the smoke. “I don’t think we can find it in this.”
“Follow me.”
I pulled my shirt up over my head. “We have to go. The dining room, we can make it. All together on three.”
I shouted out the numbers, the sound drowned out by the roar of the fire. I grabbed Beth’s hand and yanked her into action. Leon led the way and I kept my eyes on his heels. Together we were a flurry of arms and legs bounding for the dining room. I gritted my teeth against the heat. We burst through the doorway and everything turned orange.
From below the sweater pulled tight down over my hair, I shot a glance over to the floor of the grand gallery where I had left Ally writhing on the floor. She was not there now. Nor were the spectres of the girls.
I followed Leon’s heels into the dining room. The great wooden table smouldered in the centre of the room. Brilliant orange flames consumed the thick curtains. Parker spotted his camera still atop the tripod and set to pulling the camera free before Harvey grabbed his arm and yelled something that sounded like ‘leave it’.
Harvey grabbed one of the heavy chairs with their high backs and velvet cushions and heaved it at the window in the back corner of the room. The chair disappeared into the darkness of the night and Harvey kicked at the glass shards left behind. Parker joined. We piled out the opening.
I drank in the fresh cool air of night, staggering over the narrow path beside the house and to the small strip of grass beyond. Parker collapsed beside me and pulled the laptop out from under his shirt. He tapped at the casing and for a moment a brief smile flashed across his face, but it did not last long. He wiped soot and sweat from his face with shaking hands.
Harvey checked us all in turn, like a parent fussing over their children. We had scrapes and bruises and our skin was red and raw, but we were alright. We had survived. He ran to the front of the house and came back with palms held out by his sides. The man in the black suit, the goons Ponytail and Beanie, and Ally were all gone, along with the black van and the BMW.
Huddled together, we watched the fire consume Windhaven Manor, bright reds and oranges lighting up the windows and thick black smoke tumbling into the purple haze of sky. It was almost morning, the horizon signalling the coming of the sun.
Leon stood apart on the grass. I went to him.
“Thank you for coming back for us.”
He shrugged. “It’s something. It isn’t enough to make up for the rest.”
“You saved our lives. And those girls, they had their chance to meet their tormentors. That’s something too.”
He nodded. “What happens now?”
I turned my head sideways. “I’m still learning how all this works.”
The red of the fire reflected in his eyes. “Me too. I might go for a walk in the woods. I always liked it out there.”
He glided across the lawn and entered the trees and was gone.
The sound of sirens fought with the crackle of the fire. The fire brigade and the police. I got to my feet and shuffled to the front of the Manor. The burnt out carcasses of our cars stood by the low height wall. Black soot smudged the stone façade above the windows and the doors.
By the oak tree on the ocean side of the house stood Jane Laughlin. She peered down into a hole dug at the base of the tree. A pale and withered hand poked up out of the dirt. Her hand. They had meant to remove the body, but had aborted the task and fled.
A fire truck appeared at the head of the driveway and then another. They sped down the gravel and came to a sliding stop. A lone police car followed. Harvey sidled over.
Jane looked to the horizon. Out on the cliff edge stood a figure in a red dress. She recognised her sister Kylie immediately and ran down the slope. The two sisters embraced in the first light of the sun. I turned to the whoosh of water through a hose from the fire trucks and when I turned back, the Laughlin sisters were gone.
The members of The Séance Club, which I now consider myself a part, sat together on the low-height stone wall as the firefighters extinguished the flames consuming Windhaven Manor. The house was quiet now. The nausea and vibration I had felt that first night replaced with calm.
The police stripped the compound clean for the best part of a week. They identified Kyle the sketch artist and Hugo from the teeth that survived the fire of the hovel built over the dungeon. Hugo’s wife lay on the back lawn where Beanie and Ponytail had left her. But as to specific evidence of the crimes that occurred, they could not find enough to put a case together.
The two fires and the disappearance of Crown made some headlines, but there wasn’t enough to hang anyone else. The police claimed publicly that there was no link between the fire at Windhaven Manor and the fire at the squalid residence over the back fence. At Harvey’s behest they searched the area with cadaver dogs for the remains of the girls, but they found nothing.
Parker turned his laptop over to the police. They identified the two goons, Ponytail and Beanie, low level thugs who had disappeared from the streets years earlier. Those in the know presumed them dead. It made tracing them almost impossible. Tracing their vehicles lead to a dead end.
The man in black the suit on the other hand might as well be a ghost. On him they found nothing. They have a face, but nothing else.
As for Ally, the girl somehow managed to always turn her face away from the cameras, as if she knew where they were.
I sat in a small room at the police station for three days with Harvey putting the pieces together. He showed me a photograph of an old and gaunt man with a bent back, the last owner of Windhaven Manor before it was sold after his death. He had to be the man with the bent back from the ceremony in the dungeon, but I could not be certain. I never saw his face. Of the faces I did see, we knew Crown and Kyle and Hugo, but the others were harder to pinpoint.
At the end of it all Harvey sighed. There was nothing more we could do. But we could rest on the knowledge that the key players in the ceremony were all now dead.
Questions nagged at me. Where was Ally and what was she doing? Would she try to find me? Who was she working for?
That was the biggest question of all. Who was at the top and pulling the strings? Harvey wasn’t giving up. He was a dog with a bone at the best of times, and now he had a taste of blood. He refused to go back to the police even after Crown’s departure, which he described as the removal of a cancerous limb.
Harvey called me after the dust settled on everything. I told him that the trail had gone cold and I had no idea where Ally was. For all I knew she had evaporated into thin air. Harvey thought it unlikely, and I agreed. He told me it was time for some old-fashioned detective work. The names of the goons would be a start.
And there was something else Harvey mentioned, something that I had almost forgotten. He had always believed that his investigation into the disappearance of the girls was the reason one of his colleagues was murdered. Crown confirmed as much in the bedroom right before he was shot. Harvey thinks there is something to it. Another thread to pull, and he has a hunch. For now he’s keeping his cards close to his chest until he has some proof. I almost pressed him on the issue but decided I’d rather put it all behind me.
The story made headlines in the local press for a while, but ultimately it fizzled into a non-story, quickly forgotten by a public with a short attention spans. We all waited for a reckoning from within the police ranks, but it never came. Harvey predicted that’s the way it would go, and he was proven right.
The one item they did recover was a gold necklace with a heart pendant. The necklace Jane Laughlin wore the night of her death. The police found it where the black van had parked. After a few days in the possession of the police, Harvey arranged to have the necklace released to the family of its former owner.
The following day Mr. and Mrs. Laughlin appeared on the local news, thanking the efforts of those who recovered the remains of their daughter. It was closure, though not the kind they had hoped for. Both their girls were dead.
A week later The Séance Club convened in Beth’s apartment. Parker and Juliet were already there when I arrived. It was cathartic to talk about the events at Windhaven Manor, to compare stories and scars. I guess that’s why they have the saying about a problem shared.
After a brief silence, Beth asked, “Are you going to talk to the parents of Jane and Kylie?”
I shook my head. “What will I tell them?”
“That their daughters found each other out by the cliff edge.”
“And what about the agony of their deaths? Should I tell them that too? Besides, it doesn’t feel right. None of this feels right to me yet. And what weight do my words hold over those of some Priest talking about how he knows their souls are at rest.”
“Because you really do know.”
I shrugged. “I can’t prove any of it.”
Truth was I had no idea how to integrate the things I could see and do into my life. From childhood all I had wanted was to be like everyone else. For people not to stare or whisper as I walked by. To find acceptance. Sitting with my three new friends at Beth’s tiny kitchen table, with our shared experience behind us, I finally had it. This could be the start of something.
Parker was already planning the next Séance Club trip. An abandoned farm up north with mysterious sightings going back centuries. Juliet was already on board. I told them to wait. I couldn’t jump back in right away.
I was the last to leave, Beth and I sipping mug after mug of coffee and sharing comfortable silence. When I sighed and told her I should go, she grabbed my arm.
“I’ve never had a real family, and then I found Juliet and Parker. The Séance Club became my family. Whatever happens we are there for each other. And we mean it when we say we want you to join.”
I thought about that all night, unable to sleep.
The next morning I called Parker.
An abandoned farm up north you say?
* * * *
I navigated to the narrow alley and checked the time. The Exchange should be open. It looked out of context in the Saturday morning light. No bright light spilling from the window. No surge of Friday night after work traffic.
I slipped in the front door. A lone man lifted upturned stools down from the bar. He had his back to me and I crept across the hardwood floor in the direction of the stairs down and the bathrooms.
The vibration swelled in my chest, but I did not fear it. A dull pain rose in the base of my skull, but I gritted my teeth. A man wearing a pair of rough leather shoes came from the other end of the corridor and stopped before me.
“Are you here to help?”
I nodded.
submitted by SleeplessFromSundown to nosleep [link] [comments]

2023.05.29 16:30 kcr141 Searching For Common Threads 9: The Dark Forest

First Previous Next
When we landed at the primary research site, it was quiet at last. As I unstrapped myself and began to stand up, I started forming a list in my mind of all the tasks that would need to be completed.
As a first order of business, I walked over to the other side of the flight deck and began to inspect the hull breach. The hole that had been formed in the side of our ship was smooth on the inside. There was no evidence of any tearing or fragmenting, rather, the metal appeared to have been melted.
“You know,” I said, “I don’t think this was from kinetics fire. It looks like a laser did this.”
“It was a laser,” Tsavolyn replied. “I could see the beam.”
“I mean, it makes sense ‘cause we were moving away from them so quickly.”
At this, commander Taylor spoke up:
“That reminds me, did I hear you correctly when you said that those attackers were pulling twelve G’s?”
“Yeah,” I answered.
“They… that’s not… they can’t do that, that should be lethal!”
“I know,” I said. “Maybe those two ships never had a crew to begin with, however, they weren’t acting like they were computer controlled either. Honestly, I’m even more impressed they didn’t damage their warp drives or stall their reactors pulling those kinds of maneuvers.”
“Unfortunately, we’ll have to worry about that later,” commander Taylor responded, “right now, we need to get our own drive back in order.”
The three of us began to make our way down to the cargo hold. Once there, I found the nearest control panel and instructed the cargo bay doors to open. Sunlight flooded into the compartment.
The first thing that jumped out at me was that, unlike Earth’s spaceports, our landing pad seemed to be entirely makeshift. The bay doors led directly out onto a platform surrounded by guard rails and supported by a steel lattice structure. From there, a set of stairs connected the platform to the concrete floor below. Besides the platform in front of us, there was a concerning lack of service structures.
Then, I saw the rest of the world beyond the guard railing. The human-built structures gave way to rolling grassy hills with forests and mountains visible in the distance. From our vantage point, an abandoned alien city could be seen as well. The city was the reason for the outpost’s construction and was also the only obvious indicator that this was not Earth.
“It may not be quite what you’re used to,” commander Taylor said, “but according to the outpost’s inventory, everything you need should be here.”
I went over my mental checklist again before speaking:
“Alright. So… I need to swap out proto-segments three, seven, nine, fourteen, and… eighteen. We should probably start with three since that one’s kinda the whole reason we landed at all.”
“What is special about segment three?” Tsavolyn asked.
“Proto-segment three is all the way inside of the warp drive’s primary ring,” I answered. “We experimented with other designs that were easier to service, but none could match the efficiency of our current approach. So unfortunately, in order to get to segments one through four, you have to partition them and extract the surrounding buffer. It takes special machines to do this because the drive becomes inoperable if the buffer leaks out.”
“Plus,” I added, “that stuff is toxic and it aerosolizes at standard pressure.”
“We didn’t pack our own equipment because it’s very heavy and we wanted to stay maneuverable in order to give ourselves the best chance of survival,” Taylor said plainly.
The three of us climbed down to the ground and began our preparations.
“I’m going to need some way to get up top to the primary ring,” I remarked.
“There should be an articulated lift here somewhere,” commander Taylor responded. “I can get that set up while you go find any other tools you might need.”
“Alright,” I said. The three of us parted, Tsavolyn traveling with Taylor while I headed in the opposite direction towards the edge of the spaceport. The researchers had set up a collection of temporary shelters and storage units. These structures were built out of flexible plastic supported by metal framework, they were more like habitats than buildings.
Once inside one of the shelters, it was obvious that the outpost was abandoned in a hurry. A variety of tools and electronics lay strewn about on top of a foldable table along with a half eaten bowl of oatmeal and a tablet.
Out of curiosity, I picked up the tablet and powered it on. When the screen lit up a dim orange color and displayed alien text, I realized that the device was of tynaksian design; evidence of the expedition’s cooperative nature.
After turning the tablet off, I set it back where I found it and then got to work. I managed to find a small tool bag and began packing it with everything I would need. I took a set of wrenches, a small flashlight, and a multitude of powered screwdrivers. I also packed a set of pliers along with extra bolts and wires in case any got lost or damaged. As I was searching through various storage drawers, I caught a glint of something gold and shiny. I reached in and produced a roll of PI tape. Remembering the hull breach on the flight deck, I packed the tape as well.
The next couple hours were spent tediously replacing each of the modified warp drive components. Accessing proto-segment three was a delicate process that involved attaching several cables and hoses to the drive’s primary ring, engaging multiple safety mechanisms, and then having commander Taylor activate the extraction machine from the ground.
After segment three, the rest were fairly straight forward. I would simply unbolt a panel somewhere, replace the proto-segment, and then put the panel back. When that was done, I went back inside the ship and used the PI tape to patch up the hole in the side of the flight deck. I also realized, upon further inspection, that the laser beam responsible for the hull breach had continued on its path and damaged one of the control interfaces.
To prevent any complications, I disconnected the damaged interface and then began a diagnostic on each of the components that had been replaced. After that, I headed back outside, finding commander Taylor and Tsavolyn admiring the alien landscape.
“I’m running a diagnostic on each segment,” I told them. “Once that’s done, we should be good to go!”
“Alright,” Taylor responded, “let me know when—”
As he spoke, the commander turned around to face me before stopping mid sentence.
After a moment of silence, I realized that Taylor was staring at something behind me. Cautiously, I turned around and followed his gaze.
An alien stared back at me. Their skin looked like it was composed of very small scales, so they definitely weren’t tynaksian. Looking directly at them, their scales were a crisp white color, however, when the sunlight hit them at an angle, they took on a faint violet hue. The alien wore a strange cyan-colored uniform inscribed with markings that were barely visible, and they seemed to be carrying a small crate full of electronics.
Since they weren’t tynaksian, that currently only left one option:
This was a raknin, probably one from the enemy fleet.
As soon as I had that realization, the alien dropped the crate they were holding and bolted in the opposite direction.
“Hey, wait!” commander Taylor shouted before taking off after them.
The raknin had already reached the other end of the launch pad by the time I recovered from my initial shock. I too began to chase after the commander and our alien visitor with Tsavolyn following close behind.
The concrete floor ended and our chase continued through the tall, lush grass. The ground grew steeper and before I knew it, the raknin and commander Taylor had both disappeared over the top of a hill.
Reaching the top of the hill myself revealed both a large valley as well as the alien’s intended destination. A raknin spacecraft sat tucked away at the bottom of the valley, concealed previously by the surrounding hills.
Taylor was gaining on the fleeing alien, and as they neared the bottom of the hill, the commander leapt forward. He collided with the raknin and the two of them tumbled the rest of the way down.
The alien quickly recovered and continued running. Commander Taylor took longer to get his bearings allowing me and Tsavolyn to catch up with him.
From there, it was a dead sprint to the spaceship.
When they reached the base of the rocket, the raknin scaled a ladder leading up to the cargo hold.
We weren’t far behind.
When I made my way to the top, officially boarding the alien craft, I was greeted with the sight of commander Taylor tackling the alien to the ground.
The alien tried to escape but couldn’t. As they struggled, the commander managed to look at me and shout:
“Tape! Tape! Give me the Tape!”
And then I remembered: I still had the polyimide tape!
I opened the tool bag and retrieved the roll of tape I had used to repair the hull breach. I tossed the roll to Taylor and then helped hold the raknin down while he restrained them.
Once the alien was immobile, I stood up and took a step backwards. As I did so, my hand collided with a hard surface and I cried out in pain.
I turned around to see what I had hit, but there was only empty space in front of me. Confused, I looked down at the back of my hand.
There were burn marks.
While Esen and Taylor were handling the fleeing raknin, I had the wherewithal to check if there were any other crewmates aboard the rocket.
I had been on a couple of raknin spacecraft before, but this one was different. It was like the whole interior had been emptied out and replaced with a strange metal lattice. This lattice was densely packed with hundreds of some kind of tetrahedron-shaped device. These devices covered every wall and ceiling. Even the floors were nothing more than a thin metal grating with more of the strange instrument underneath.
It looked like this vessel had been turned into some kind of detector array. I wasn’t sure what kind of array this was or why this had been done, but I figured the flight deck might hold some answers.
Besides us, the ship turned out to be empty; the raknin we encountered had flown here alone. When I reached the bridge, the first thing I noticed was a message displayed on several of the control interfaces warning of damage to the electrical systems.
I picked one of the control interfaces and sat down. As I was in the process of opening the diagnostics menu, Esen came in.
“Hey, do you think you can communicate with our new friend?”
“Probably,” I answered, “but I can’t guarantee that she’ll cooperate”
“I’m hoping they’re at least willing to tell us what they have down in the cargo hold,” He said.
“If you’re referring to all the devices on the walls, I can probably figure that out from here. I have some experience with these ships from before our falling out with the raknins. If I open the diagnostics interface, it will list every subsystem on the ship’s network.”
“Yeah, finding out what those are would also be helpful,” Esen said.
“Also? I thought the hold was otherwise empty.”
“Oh no,” Esen replied, “there’s definitely something in the middle of the cargo hold. We’re not sure what it is because it’s invisible.”
“Yeah,” he answered. “It’s surrounded by some kind of cloaking field. Also, the field isn’t safe to touch.”
Esen held up his hand revealing burn marks on both sides.
“Okay, that’s strange. Wait, you touched it twice?” I asked.
“Science has to be repeatable,” he said with a chuckle.
“Okay, I have the diagnostics menu up. It looks like they have… actually I’m not sure how to say this in English. It’s a type of particle, low mass, no charge, emitted during nuclear processes…”
“It’s not in the nucleus of atoms, right?” Esen asked.
“That’s right,” I answered.
“You’re probably thinking of neutrinos then.”
“That sounds correct,” I responded. “In that case, this ship has an array of neutrino detectors.”
“That’s probably what the things on the wall are for then,” Esen said.
“That would be my guess as well. Okay, this I don’t recognize.”
“What is it,” he asked.
“It’s a system listed as ‘frame capture,’ and I have no idea what that means.” I said.
“Could that have to do with our strange object?”
“Maybe?” I answered. “I’m not sure though because this is listed along with the warp drive and the drive complement.”
After a moment of contemplation, I selected ‘frame capture’ and ran a basic, full subsystem diagnostic.
After a few moments, I heard the ship’s reactor change output modes followed by the unmistakable rumble of the warp drive activating. This was confirmation that whatever the frame capture system was, it had something to do with the FTL drive, however that still left a lot of questions unanswered. I had never encountered it before, so it was either new technology or something that had been kept secret.
The diagnostic continued without issue until suddenly, a warning flashed on the screen. I didn’t have time to read it before the control interface went dead. The warp drive powered down along with the reactor leaving us in total silence.
“Hey!” commander Taylor shouted from below, “You two should get down here!”
Esen and I made our way down to the cargo hold. The spaces between the flight deck and the hold were dark now as, apparently, the entire spacecraft had lost power. Fortunately, the cargo bay doors were still open and thus the deck was illuminated with sunlight.
When we reached the hold, we both stopped in our tracks. Something was definitely different.
“Whatever you did caused it to become visible,” commander Taylor said.
He was right. In the center of the room sat a strange metallic object. It had a thick outline in the shape of a dodecahedron, however, the space in the middle was filled with a forest of thin metal strands. It was spiky, messy, and in some way, almost organic.
“Can you ask the raknin what this is?” Taylor asked.
I glanced over at the pilot thoroughly restrained with the shiny, high performance tape. She was staring at the now-visible object, and the fear in her eyes was contagious.
I looked at her and saw myself as a kid lost in the woods.
“Hey, are you alright?” the commander asked.
“Sorry, I’m fine,” I said. “I think the silence is getting to me again.”
submitted by kcr141 to HFY [link] [comments]

2023.05.29 16:30 KedarBayley012 The irony that we, the viewer, were promised the exact same thing that Kendall was.

I don’t know how many of you have rewatched Season 1 lately, but it’s clear to me just how much Kendall was made to be our protagonist. Way more so than later seasons when the other siblings came into it a lot more. Roman did nothing but be the worst person in the room. He had absolutely zero redeeming moments. Go back and check for yourself. And Shiv, whilst being noticeably more moral, was revealed to abandon this morality by brokering a deal between Logan and Gil to suppress the cruises incident. On top of that, she cheated on her husband throughout the season and this abuse towards Tom only worsened as time went on.
Kendall, on the other hand, is shown in numerous moments to care deeply about the people around him. The woman that is forced to go on a date with him, unbeknownst to Kendall: he fires the lady that set this up. Whilst his cries against sexism, racism, homophobia and the like are revealed to be dubious in later seasons, these do appear to be his genuine views in S1.
He stands up for Roman and Shiv in their lowest moments, particularly at the house in Austerlitz during his own lowest moment. He truly seems to care for Rava and his kids, which slowly faded as the show progressed. S1 Ken is a saint compared to his peers and I believe that’s exactly what the writers intended.
The fact that Kendall’s role in the waiter’s death is not more largely read as the exact reason for this descent into immorality is a discussion for another day. I think that most people assume that Ken’s true self is slowly revealed to us throughout the show, but I think the incident in the UK altered who he was immeasurably and took away the Kendall of S1.
Anyways, the writers clearly set up Ken to be our protagonist, and to be CEO. They promised us it in the very first episode, and nearly every episode after that. The sheer quantity of times they referenced him being the next Logan or the one to kill Logan is just too many to count.
And I think that’s what defines the show’s ending. It provides zero catharsis because we were promised the exact same thing that Ken himself was promised when he was 7. We were promised Kendall as CEO. So when that final shot plays out, it’s almost like we’re also the ones sat in Battery Park, looking out at the water and wondering what this was all for. It’s bleak, I suppose it’s logical, but it’s a story and finale that I don’t think I’ll ever enjoy watching as much again, knowing what’s coming.
submitted by KedarBayley012 to SuccessionTV [link] [comments]

2023.05.29 16:30 GuinnessLoves87 Looking for answers

Hey everyone, I'm hoping this is a good place to post this. I've become almost desperate for answers or shared experiences, so I can at least attempt to wrap my head around all this.
It started roughly 11 or 12 years ago with the most intense dream I've ever had. In my dream, I was laying in bed, which was set against a window that was angled up my driveway and the neighbors side of their house. There was an intense blue light shining into my window, and as I slowly sat up to look outside to see where the glue was coming from, I could make out a young girl in my driveway. I only made out shoulder length black hair and light colored pajamas. It was so lucid and I could think clearly, even it being a dream. I remember thinking to myself, "maybe the neighbor girl got out." It was the dead of winter in Northern Montana, so I was concerned for her. I shifted my focus to finding the source of the strong blue light, being amplified by the snow on the ground. I made no distinguishable source of the light, nothing from the sky, ground, nothing.
As I was searching for the light, I lowered my eyes back down to the girl, who was a mere foot from my window, staring at me. At least I felt her stares. She had no face at all. No eyes, mouth, ear, nose. In my panic, I dropped to the ground, rolling off my bed. My flight or fight response kicked in, I ran to my living room where there was a storage closet near the entry. I grabbed a baseball bat from the closet, checked the door lock, and went to the center of my living room. The walls starting bulging inwards, I could hear the drywall cracking. After one, final heave, the walls exploded outwards, the debris stopping in mid air as if time was froze. That's when I saw several dozen of these beings in my yard. My best guess would be anywhere from children to adults. I felt something behind me, so I turned around, and the first girl was there and embraced me in a hug. I didn't feel peace, I felt sheer dread. I immediately woke up for real, covered in sweat and a panic. It all felt so real.
Flash forward a few years. I'm in the military now, and during my time, I was stationed in Germany. I took the opportunity to go see my Grandma who lives in Ireland, and she claims to be a Pagan witch, a Wicca. I'm hoping I got that right. Anyways, shes a sweet old lady but dabbles in some strange stuff. I dont necessarily believe in what she does, but she was someone I felt like I could talk to about the dream that I had a few years prior. It still haunted me, because since then, I felt like unexplained things were happening to me more and more often. I wasnt a believer in ghosts, at least not until I was stationed in Hohenfels, Germany. Anyways, my Grandma explained to me that it was a portal being opened to me into a different realm. Not a physical portal, but a portal in my mind and spirit. Again, I don't know if I believe in that.
I've had some intense dreams of varying types, I've had so many experiences, that I've become accustomed to it. However, last night was the last straw. Last night around 3 AM, I woke up frozen in bed. I've heard of sleep paralysis, just never experienced it. I didn't have the normal feelings, I didn't feel a weight on my chest. I was just laying on my back and couldn't move. I don't know why, I thought of that Kill Bill scene where she's buried alive and focuses on wiggling her toes and fingers first. So that's what I did. I don't know how long it took, yet it felt like an eternity. I wiggled my toes, then fingers, then head. Eventually snapping out of it. My cat was staring at a corner, chirping and meowing lightly. Of course my eyes went to the corner. I saw the shadow of a giant spider on my wall. 18-24 inches large, body and legs of a Daddy Long Leg. I shot up and turned on my walk in closet light, because it's the closest. The light illuminated my wall and clear as day the shadow was there, but no spider. I went to the main light and as I was walking slowly, the shadow skirted a few feet to my window. As soon as the main light went on, the shadow disappeared and my cat started looking around, as if he was wondering where it went. Finally I noticed a faint blue glue out my window. LUCKILY, when I went to the window and opened my blinds, expecting to see something I thought I never would again, I saw my apartment neighbors across the street with their blue party lights on, with all their blinds opened. The sense of relief I felt was insane.
I could go into more detail about why this is my breaking point, but that's just too much for me to type, and definitely a TLDR. I just wanted to give the start, some middle ground, and the latest. Does anyone have any experience with this? Is it possible that I'm attracting things? Do you think my Grandma has any merit to what she says about portals and dimensions? I'm lost, scared, and confused. Even my multiple deployments didn't scare me this much. I've never been so desperate for answers.
TLDR: bad dream over a decade ago, witch (alleged) Grandma claims it's a portal opening in my mind, things happened since and I have questions.
submitted by GuinnessLoves87 to Paranormal [link] [comments]

2023.05.29 16:30 Plastic-Stock2099 Should I break up with my boyfriend?

Should I(23F) break up with my boyfriend(22M)
I apologize if this will get extensive but I'm at my wits end about this for so long and need advice on how to proceed with this relationship.
I, (23F) have been thinking of breaking up with my boyfriend (22M) for a while now. I've been together with him for nearly 3 years now with most of our relationship being during covid so I barely really met up with him.
I have a full time job that takes up most of my time while my boyfriend has a part time job and full time college that takes up most of his time. I thought it was normal that me and my boyfriend only get to meet up once a week(if I'm lucky) but then when he canceled on me this week and I have to wait until next week again to see him I realize that maybe this isn't normal. Then my girl friends tell me that they hit them up frequently asking to hang out or just calling them. At first I didn't see it as a bad thing because my girl friends have significant others and are his friend so I was fine with it. But when he canceled on me this week it really hurt my feelings. It's not the first time he's done it I remember in the month of April he was canceling on me week after week but I let it pass because school must have kept him busy.
Then one time when I went to hang out with him and his friends he practically ignored me the entire time and stuck close to his other friends even going as far as to call his other friends(girls) and asked to come over their houses after to do his nails. At that point I talked with him and told him it feels like I'm not much of a priority and that I felt weird about him hanging out so much with his friends over me. He then said that he left me alone because he wanted me to spend time with his friends since I haven't seen them in so long. I actually proposed to break up with him but he then told me he loves me and he doesn't want to end things so I stayed because I believed him. And he told me he will do better. But I asked my friends and just this week he's hit them up even after he told me he'll come over when he gets let out early at school.
I have such big insecurity issues and i excuse most of his behavior to me being good enough for him and not being pretty enough. But Recently he's gotten this weird obsession over this one streamer who's a male that dresses up like a female. It's really convincing too and when he first showed him to me I was weirded out. Especially when he keeps watch of his Instagram and even considered joining his only fans. I don't know how to feel about it because it feels like I'm just an insecure jealous girlfriend if I ever bring up how weird his little obsession with him is. He even puts this guy as his pfp on his social media's and he's rarely done it for me. Should I be concerned that he looks nothing like me? And is actually the complete opposite?
When I first brought up feeling like I'm not being prioritized over his friends and asking him to take me out on more dates he took me on our second proper date since the first year we've dated. I've always excused him being unable to take me on proper dinner dates to him being quite broke but I'm not asking for much. Im so easy to please even just coming over to see me is more than enough but recently it feels like he doesnt even care enough to do that for me. I'd like to see him for at least more than 4 times a month is that too much to ask for?
It feels like he's just keeping me as his girlfriend because he wants a girlfriend it doesn't necessarily have to be me.Everytime he cancels on me I'm reminded I don't matter to him and even though he's not busy I'm only there for convenience and he won't make time for me.I think he truly doesn't love me. His words sometimes feel so empty and sometimes he doesn't truly listen to me when I talk to him. I'm so tired of this of everything. But I still love him so much even with how he's treating me. Please help me. My friends tell me to stay with him and to give him another chance to just communicate with him. But I don't know for how long I have to communicate with him to get the bare minimum from him. And is this all worth it? I really want to end things because I became this insecure person that I've come to hate so much when I'm with him.
I don't know what to do.. please help :(
submitted by Plastic-Stock2099 to relationships_advice [link] [comments]

2023.05.29 16:29 livvylouu Product similar to Super Milk?

I am desperately looking for a product that IS NOT Lush that is similar to Super Milk. I’ve run out of it and spotty supply and the cost of it are making me unable to get it again. I was doing the LOC method on my hair and it’s become so unmanageable ever since I ran out of Super Milk and it makes me want to cry. I still have Renee’s Shea Soufflé and Curl Power left.
I’m in Canada, does anyone know of a product that exists anywhere that is similar to Super Milk? I just want it to do the same/similar things for my hair that Super Milk was doing. My hair is so frizzy and I’m nearing the point of cutting it all off which is that last thing I want 😩 but I can’t afford another bottle of Super Milk, and even if I could, it’s been out of stock at my local store for longer than I can keep track of anymore.
If this isn’t allowed here I’m sorry, mods please delete. But I am desperate and I’m hoping someone here can help!! Thank you!!
submitted by livvylouu to LushCosmetics [link] [comments]

2023.05.29 16:29 ch2-ch3 Almost got scammed . Not so smart after all.

I'm an mature artist and much like any other artist, I upload my work on
I get the occasional scammy message like " Hello I love your artworks, they are beautiful, unique and exquisite Are they up for sale?"
Today, I almost fell for a new type. I got a message from some woman who wanted a painting for her son. Some thing seemed off about the way she talked . She offered an absurd sum for the painting (should have been my first clue 😑). Didn't request much other than the number of paintings. She kept insisting on using paypal. I agreed to make the paintings but to get money after.
A few months in, I'm done with the paintings and I contact her to get the payment. She didn't even seem curious about the paintings at all . I dont think she even looked at them. she didn't ask for discount because I couldn't ship the paintings to her. At that point, felt she wanted to finalize the payment as soon as possible .
I send her my paypal but she claims she couldn't find it . She asks for my email. I send her that and I get a junk mail claiming some weird twist where she has to send me 300 more dollars to upgrade my account them I send it to her back.
It finally hit me! I check the email I got the junk mail from and It was an @gmail account . I block her and report her .
I nearly piss myself out of rage. I wasted weeks working on them and I have no idea who that poor little boy is.
I got some ok paintings out of it I guess.
submitted by ch2-ch3 to Scams [link] [comments]