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hacking: security in practice
2008.04.26 05:53 hacking: security in practice
A subreddit dedicated to hacking and hackers. Constructive collaboration and learning about exploits, industry standards, grey and white hat hacking, new hardware and software hacking technology, sharing ideas and suggestions for small business and personal security.
2011.08.25 00:29 Lemm The Ocho
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2008.12.28 07:46 Today I Learned (TIL)
You learn something new every day; what did you learn today? Submit interesting and specific facts about something that you just found out here.
2023.05.29 17:25 IskoLat Mikhail Kalinin. "The People of Lithuania Are on a New Path"
 | submitted by IskoLat to BalticSSRs [link] [comments] https://preview.redd.it/5688p24fwr2b1.jpg?width=895&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3021b4d79926759d554a2a85c503a6ff45ccadc9 On July 14-15 of 1940, elections to the People's Parliament [Liaudies Seimas] were held in Lithuania. These elections had an unusual content and significance compared to previous elections. Here the false declarations and unrealistic promises of all kinds of benefits to the people, which the bourgeois parties usually made, were put aside and pushed into obscurity by two cardinal issues: 1) On the proclamation of Lithuania as a fellow Soviet Socialist Republic and 2) On the accession of the Lithuanian Soviet Socialist Republic into the Soviet Union as a Union Republic. The overwhelming majority of the population took part in the elections - 95.51% of voters compared to 38% of voters who actually took part in the last elections. Moreover, 99.19% of voters voted for the candidates of the Union of the Working People of Lithuania. And this is natural, because the question was clear, understandable to everybody and affected every Lithuanian in one way or another. So, by voting for supporters of Lithuania's accession into the Soviet Union, one thereby determined his attitude to this issue. By voting in 1940, the Lithuanian people, perhaps for the first time in their entire history, could freely reveal their will and their aspirations as a whole, as a people, and, taking advantage of this opportunity, demanded the Soviet system of governance for themselves. https://preview.redd.it/orkigsid6s2b1.jpg?width=960&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=600a561bbc9a4a8db02c0db02471c3b7d7b5d9d1 Reactionaries, enemies of the Soviet system of governance, were enraged by this result. Even the liberal democratic circles threw up their hands in surprise. Unable to find, and unwilling to look for the real reason for such a turn by the Lithuanian people, in the specific conditions of their life, they sought to discredit the elections themselves, the voting procedure. But even here these people suffered a fiasco: the genuine democratic nature of the elections did not give any real grounds for defaming them. And, nevertheless, this did not prevent the reactionary press from coming out with hostile articles and bringing forth, as expected from them, facts invented in the editorial offices. One should not be surprised here. On the contrary, it would be surprising if, say, not the reactionary, but at least the liberal-bourgeois press reacted to these elections positively. In fact, how much work was spent for the political deception of the people, for propaganda and agitation, for school "education", religious influence, administrative pressure, etc.! Mountains of slander were pushed against the USSR, against the Soviet government! It is difficult even to name all the means the Smetona government used to influence the Lithuanian people in order to discourage them from any desire to find out the truth about real life in the Soviet Union, in order to isolate the Lithuanians from even the slightest influence of Soviet culture. For this purpose, it sought maximum isolation of Lithuania from the USSR, not only politically and culturally, but also economically. It seemed that there were no channels, no ways through which the Lithuanian people's ties with the Soviet Union could develop. However, the actual reality cruelly mocked those who worked so zealously to darken the consciousness of the Lithuanian people, those who tried their best to introduce inertia and indifference into the consciousness of the people. At the first opportunity, the Lithuanian people loudly declared: I want to be a member of the Soviet Union! That's what infuriated the enemies of the Soviet form of governance and still infuriates them to this day. What mean reasons pushed the Lithuanian people on the path to the Soviet system, to its accession into the USSR? There are many very convincing reasons. That they are serious is clear to every Lithuanian, because with his mother's milk he was instilled with the thought that the most valuable thing is the independence of his own country, its greatness. But reasonable people had doubts about the "independence" that Lithuania had, uncertainty about its reality, because the facts contradicted it too much. No sooner had the republic organized itself and the government settled in its capital, Vilnius, than a certain Polish general with his detachment of troops seized Vilnius, expelled the Lithuanian government, and the capital of Lithuania was annexed to Poland, and Lithuania lost its largest and most industrialized city. For the sake of decency, the press made a little noise, and that was the end of it. The suzerain powers did not even lift a finger to restore the violated rights of Lithuania, because the attacker was also patronized by them and probably more valuable as an open enemy of the Soviet Union. With Hitler's rise to power in Germany, the specter of Lithuania's "independence" has diminished even more. In 1939, Hitler seized Klaipeda, and the Lithuanian government, filled with fear for its own existence, was glad that the seizure was limited only to the Klaipeda region and the treaty, which in effect included the entire Lithuanian economy in the German economic master plan. I do not want to accuse the government that existed of not wanting to do anything to defend the country, but only to illustrate the phantom nature of the "independence" of Lithuania during that time. It would be a mistake to think that the Lithuanian people did not strive for real independence. In 1919, after the expulsion of German troops, the Soviet government was established in Lithuania, which signed an alliance with Soviet Belarus. But the real independence of Lithuania was quickly liquidated by the Entente and the German troops called into the fight by it. In the language of the European bourgeois press, this was called the "restoration" of Lithuanian "independence". The country's politics and economy developed in accordance with external conditions. After the defeat of the Soviet government, a democratic government was organized. (It was impossible to immediately install a fascist regime after crushing the Soviet government). It didn't last long. Apparently, the common path of development of the Baltic countries was manifested here: the suppression of the Soviet government -> democracy (as a transitional form of power) -> fascism. Obviously, for some "champions" of democracy, fascism is more acceptable, because any democracy, even by a tiny bit, at least for appearance's sake, must do something in the interests of the people. Fascism does not even concern itself with such tasks. That is why fascism in small countries is encouraged by the big "guardians of democracy". The establishment of the fascist regime in Lithuania, the Smetona regime, made Lithuania into a cash cow for German capital. The Germans were not content with just subjugating the Lithuanian economy to their plan. They methodically introduced themselves into all the avenues of Lithuanian life, turning Lithuania into a springboard for an attack on the Soviet Union, which, in fact, they did not hide from Smetona, who shared their thoughts. On the contrary, the preparation of Lithuania's territory for military purposes seemed to justify the introduction of Germans into all the pores of Lithuanian life. In this way, the Germans killed two birds with one stone: 1) They prepared a military bridgehead and 2) Quietly adapted Lithuania into a German Hinterland. The Smetona government saw the danger that threatened the independent existence of Lithuania, and, in fact, did not resist German aggression, trying to curry favor with Hitler, with whose support it now owed its existence to. The only hope of Smetona and his supporters was that they would remain in power under German fascism in one form or another and would exploit at least some part of the people's labor. The above facts clearly show what was really hidden under the decorum of Lithuanian "independence". Smetona's internal policy naturally corresponded to the external one. It consisted in imitation of German fascism, in adapting it to local conditions. Now even the blind can see that fascism with its ideology and politics is a terrible social evil generated by the era of imperialism. Anyone who has been to the south has seen with his own eyes how a huge tree - pine, oak, cypress - was wrapped by a parasitic plant with bright green leaves. With its stems, it presses tightly against the tree, and numerous shoots dig into the bark and pull out the juices. It is possible to save a tree from death only by destroying this parasitic plant. Fascism is a parasite of the state tree. And if the people do not destroy it in a timely manner, it will inevitably lead the country to the greatest of disasters. Experience has shown that fascism is equally fatal for both large and small countries alike. Having no desire to awaken the creative forces of the people, on the contrary, deliberately putting them to sleep, so that it would be easier to turn people into an obedient herd, the fascist leaders, for example, in Hungary, Romania, etc., shouted furiously: "Great Hungary!", "Great Romania!". It was laughable. But all the fascist meanness was hidden behind this farce. As for Smetona, he did not even have this prop. His main desire was to cover up, if possible, his dependence on Hitler, to disguise it in front of the Lithuanian people. The task is difficult and, in fact, impossible, because the Germans climbed and penetrated into all the holes and cracks, seized banks, and through them the industrial enterprises, wholesale trade, flooded the country with their literature, films and generally felt no worse in Lithuania than they would at home. In short: there was, perhaps not quite noticeable to the eyes of an ordinary person, but an inevitable process of germanizing Lithuania [1]. Relations between Germany and Lithuania progressed towards not only the actual but also the formal transformation of Lithuania into a German colony (Smetona's request to Hitler about the entry of German troops into Lithuania). If Smetona, seeing all this danger, even wanted to prevent it, then, having neither material nor military resources, and most importantly, not using the moral support of the Lithuanian people, he would not be able to resist German aggression. Smetona had only one path left, which he followed: no resistance, but harmonizing the life of the whole country with German demands and humble obedience to Hitler. With such a "policy" he decided to prolong the appearance of Lithuania's "independent" existence. Naturally, such a government could not satisfy the people. It could not and did not want to serve the interests of the Lithuanian people. The narrow egoistic interests of this government were closely linked with German interests, and its spiritual demands were related to Hitlerism. It means that the entire state policy of Smetona's government rested on the enrichment of a small handful of people, on the systemic robbery of the people, on the strangulation and all-round emasculation of their national culture. Perhaps there is no country - both in Europe and in the Americas - where Lithuanian migrants who fled from their native country not only from political repression, but even more simply from hunger, would not be found. The Lithuanian intelligentsia, especially the progressive intelligentsia, was not in the best position either. The opportunity to live and breathe was only in leaving, because they had no work in their native country, and fascism stifled every free thought. The fascist octopus tightly wrapped itself around the Lithuanian people and led them to their imminent death. https://preview.redd.it/ipp1pzqt3s2b1.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&s=1de6d0bb0a3864dd560557346226e8f300cfb67e These are the reasons that prompted the Lithuanian people to vote for Lithuania's entry into the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics. Of course, when voting, the Lithuanian people not only desired to get rid of the unbearable conditions in which their life took place, but they fully took into account the benefits and advantages that the Soviet system brings them. One of the serious factors is that the Lithuanian people, having joined the USSR, acquired real independence. The enemies persistently insist that Lithuania is dependent, since it is one of the sixteen republics in the Union. But these are all enemy fairy tales. Why are entrepreneurs organized into government trusts, syndicates and enterprises? They will say that there is a naked calculation of increased profits from the monopoly. Yes, that's right. True, some of the propertied classes hypocritically condemn them for this from a "moral" point of view. But only the workers' organizations are really fighting them. And trusts, syndicates and enterprises are developing and growing stronger. At the same time, it does not occur to any entrepreneur that he is losing his industrial independence. I will give other examples. Now everywhere workers and employees unite in trade unions. Who can say that they lose their personal freedom and independence at the same time? Moreover, the trade unions of workers and employees of any state strive to be members of an international professional organization. And this is quite natural, because each of them understands that this is the only way the one can defend personal freedom and independence. Furthermore, a peasant, protecting his well-being, enters a cooperative, and the coop association formed in the country links up with cooperative organizations of other countries, and there is already an international cooperative association - the alliance. Only moneylenders, predatory traders and speculators can shed crocodile tears over the fact that peasants that are united in cooperatives cease to be independent landowners. Every association is an organization that restricts an individual to one degree or another. For example, the same peasant, who is a member of a cooperative, undertakes to hand over all or part of his marketable products to the coop. This restricts the peasant in his freedom to dispose of his products in a way. But in reality, the coop protects him from a predatory buyer. The USSR has sixteen Union republics with a well-known, but equal limitation of their sovereignty. They form a single union state with a different national way of life, with a diverse national form of culture and historical past. Only the Soviet system and Lenin's national policy ensure and guarantee them unbreakable unity and genuine friendship, real freedom and independence. Protecting the whole, the Soviet system and Lenin's national policy give full opportunity for the unlimited development of each republic, every nationality… The enormous work by our party to create and strengthen the multinational state has been a complete success. Comrade Stalin said the following: "The absence of the exploiter classes, which are the main masterminds behind the international conflict; the absence of exploitation, with its mutual distrust and brewing nationalist passions; the presence of power of the working class, which is the enemy of all enslavement and a faithful bearer of the ideas of internationalism; the actual implementation of mutual assistance of peoples in all areas of economic and social life; finally, the flourishing of the national culture of the peoples of the USSR, national in form, socialist in content - all these and similar factors have led to the following: the appearance of the peoples of the USSR has radically changed, the feeling of mutual distrust has disappeared in them, a sense of mutual friendship has developed in them and, thus, real fraternal cooperation of peoples has been established in the system of a single union state. As a result, we now have a fully developed multinational socialist state that has withstood all the tests of time, the strength of which could be envied by any nation-state in any part of the world" [2] During the Great Patriotic War, the strength of the cohesion of the peoples of the Soviet Union, based on Lenin's national policy, withstood enormous trials. The war with fascist Germany and its satellite states clearly showed how valuable the Soviet Union is for every Union Republic. The enemy occupied all of Lithuania and went far beyond its borders to the east. It seemed that the country had perished under the Nazi boot. But far from the Lithuanian borders, near Orel, a Lithuanian division fought in the All-Union Red Army. And in the capital of the Soviet Union, Moscow, there was a Lithuanian government that called upon and organized, as much as possible, the forces capable of fighting inside Lithuania. No matter how loud the German military drums thundered, no matter how much fascist propaganda tried to distort the actual situation on the fronts and in the rear of the Soviet armies, no matter how cruelly the Gestapo tortured Soviet patriots, the Lithuanian people heard and saw that a fierce struggle for their liberation was going on. This undoubtedly inspired him with great confidence in victory, inspired the partisans in their difficult and daring struggle in the distant rear of the enemy, and their heroic actions, in turn, raised the spirit and morale of the people. The names of Marytė Melnikaitė, Urbanavičius (Kurmelis), Apyvala, Vladas Baronas, Jacinavičius, Motieka and others have earned glory not only by themselves, but also because they embody the best traditions of the Lithuanian people, their heroism and boundless devotion to their Homeland. Bronius Urbanavičius Next, let's take the work efficiency of the people as a whole. Statesmen, industrialists, journalists of capitalist countries continuously call for increased labor productivity as the basis of the country's well-being. The fascist Lithuanian government was not far behind in this. But with the policy pursued by this government, with Lithuania's economic dependence on Germany, the limits of increasing labor efficiency were very limited, and this increase was mainly directed at greater exploitation of the workers. Lithuania's economic development also had purely objective limitations: the small territory of the country, the absence of the main elements necessary for production - coal, iron and generally valuable ores, its predominantly agrarian nature. All this, as it were, naturally predetermined the backwardness of Lithuanian industry and, what is most tragic, the lack of prospects in the future. By joining the Soviet Union, the Lithuanian people radically transformed the economic situation of their country. From an appendage of Germany, from the backwater of Europe, Lithuania received unlimited opportunities to turn into an advanced and highly developed national republic, as a full member of the great Union. Now her household will be built in a new way. The structure of the industry will change, it will acquire a character corresponding to modern advanced state of technology. It is now provided with a powerful raw material base and an unlimited market for the sale of its products. There are no objective obstacles to specialization, and hence to increase in the efficiency of labor, as the basis of welfare of the people. In fact, what can now prevent the construction of any factory specialized in the production of any type of goods? Nothing but a shortage of skilled workers, engineers and technical personnel among Lithuanians. I will illustrate my point with an example. In Lithuania, for example, a machine tooling or machine-building plant is being erected. The Union as a whole needs thousands of machines, the plant also produces thousands of machines, but the Republic of Lithuania can use only hundreds or dozens of machines - such is its need for the kind of machines that this plant produces. Wouldn't it be better for the plant to produce machines only for this republic? Of course, technically it is possible, but economically it will be irrational, unprofitable, production will become artisanal and, most importantly, the quality of products will be worse, productivity is much lower. In this way, not only will we not get closer to the American technological level, but we will move away from it, even if the plant had first-class equipment. But the socialist economy strives for a higher productivity of labor than that which capitalism is able to create in its most advanced countries. Thus, in order to have high labor productivity and its efficiency, it is not enough to have a wish and even a desire to have it, but we also need the appropriate economic and social conditions that the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics gives to all constituent republics. With these arguments, I do not want to belittle or downplay the importance of local or Republican industry, which mainly fulfills local needs. But local industry can also work productively only if it is abundantly supplied with good machines. This is well understood by the leaders of the Republics, who also bear responsibility for the enterprises of all-Union significance. The Soviet government invested a lot of money and labor in the development of agriculture, which became the largest and most mechanized agriculture in the world. It has become productive, of which the best proof is the satisfaction of its military needs. Lithuanian agriculture is considered productive, it produced significant products for export. But we cannot close our eyes and ignore the fact that this productivity was based on the enormous exertion of the peasantry, on the hard work of the middle peasant on his farm and the farmhand in a larger farm. Physical labor took up their entire lives, leaving no time to satisfy their spiritual needs. Under the Soviet system of governance, the Lithuanian peasant will not agree to such a life. His public interests are rapidly expanding, cultural demands are growing, which require time to satisfy themselves. The Soviet government highly values labor, celebrating labor feats with awards. But at the same time, it spares no expense to increase cultural and political education of the village. All this imperiously requires mechanization, the introduction of modern agricultural machines adapted to Lithuanian conditions. These are the ways and means by which the Soviet government increases labor productivity both in industry and in agriculture. Undoubtedly, the Lithuanian people are using these opportunities to their fullest. Of course, it is not easy to move forward the economy and culture of the entire country, especially if it has a lot to catching up to do. But the life of the people, their well-being, demand this first and foremost. The creative forces of the people are inexhaustible, you just need to be able to awaken them. The questions that I have asked casually and slightly indicate the enormous and complex nature of the tasks facing the Lithuanian people and its intelligentsia. Fulfilling the program set by the Communist Party, the Union Government not only protects, but also ensures the flourishing of national culture of each Union republic, the established customs and, in particular, the native language of its peoples. It creates all the necessary conditions for the fruitful work of the intelligentsia in its field. Therefore, the Lithuanian intelligentsia bears full responsibility to its people for the cultural prosperity of the republic. The national school is the first step in human development, the most important stage in the process of forming an active citizen and a patriot of his Homeland - therefore, it must be at the Homeland's top priority. During the implementation of this program, the Homeland should instill in the younger generations a love for their native language, folk songs, native landscape and at the same time expand the horizon of students as future citizens of the Soviet Union, and collectively instill in them a love for the great and multinational Motherland – the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics. From this we see that the understanding of all-Union Soviet patriotism is not opposed to the local one. It is from local patriotism, as a popular source, that patriotism grows towards the Soviet system of governance, towards the USSR as a whole. I think the Lithuanian government helps a lot and in the future will allocate even more of its resources towards the development of literature in the Lithuanian language, especially original fiction, drawing its plots from Lithuanian folk life and contributing to the awakening of new creative forces in the people. Without a doubt, Lithuania will take an honorable place among the Union republics in the development of all kinds of art and sports, and its folk choirs will be an inexhaustible source for the development of national music and theater. https://preview.redd.it/5oo4a5c1fs2b1.jpg?width=805&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7d15083c272edffd9f4f5f3a8e8285210e4f05f8 The war is over. The shackles that bound the creative forces of the Lithuanian people have been removed forever. I sincerely wish the Lithuanian people success in building their Soviet state, in the development of industry, agriculture and culture, national in form and socialist in its content. "Soviet Lithuania" No. 289, December 28, 1945 Printed according to the text of the newspaper Notes: [1] As it turned out from the documents presented by the American prosecution at the Nuremberg Trials, the Germans planned to completely destroy the Baltic States and resettles their peoples, in particular Lithuanians, to Belarus. The essence of Rosenberg's instructions on this issue was reduced in practice to the destruction of the Lithuanian people. "The solution to the colonial problem," he wrote, "is not the Baltic question per se, but a question that concerns greater Germany and it must be resolved accordingly." [2] Josef Stalin. Problems of Leninism, 2nd Ed., Gospolitizdat, 1953, pp. 551-552.-582. (in Russian) Source: Калинин М.И. Статьи и речи (1941-1946 гг.). ЛИТОВСКИЙ НАРОД НА НОВОМ ПУТИ (292-296). |
2023.05.29 17:23 HK2326 Why I don't own Pinduoduo??
 | I confess: I am sometimes biased, and that's the worst thing to be as an investor. submitted by HK2326 to ChinaStocks [link] [comments] I don't like PDD because I dislike the business model: cheap low quality stuff, financed by squeezing suppliers (majority of them mom&pop shops in agri/tier3-4 cities) and crappy service, all wrapped into some sort of discount social media shop festival app. https://preview.redd.it/ns9tmyrlvt2b1.png?width=1191&format=png&auto=webp&s=0fdb0e9bcda7c0a09a21c4b15a053312491685ad But 2022 and 1Q23 results are incredible compared to the rest of China big retailers. People love cheap stuff even if its crap: https://preview.redd.it/enqpdiz7ut2b1.png?width=452&format=png&auto=webp&s=e90837183825b6caf03f0ad7ba8c7e15febe8b66 PDD has forced management change at JD, and has costed Meituan USD10bn of market cap today, even after great results last week. And yet, I keep seen red-ish flags everywhere: -the company is not yet listed in HK (the DD standards to list in HK are higher than US), -the performance vs peers seems to good to be true (reminds me of Miniso), -HQ moved to Ireland (not a big issue I think) -Management commentary in their earnings calls about competitors attacking them with cyber hacks etc, just seems dodgy. So, what am I missing here, am I thinking too much? The stock is at 17x LTM PE (vs 14x JD and 13x BABA), 4% FCF yield (vs 6% JD and 8% BABA). Maybe time to pinch my nose and buy. |
2023.05.29 17:23 g3wb3r micro-dosing out of withdrawal then tapering
so 2 weeks into this withdrawal I decided I had to try to do something because it was too intense so I purchased the lowest thc weed I could find and I sucked it into my mouth through a one-hitter and just held it in my mouth to let some thc absorb (no inhaling). I did this a couple times at once. At first it felt like it didnt do much but then I tried it again later that night and I had a major decrease in anxiety and felt more stabilized. I wasn't even high. I thought I hacked my withdrawal. It lasted until mid-day the next day when I started to feel the anxiety come back.
I tried it again and ended up having an increase in anxiety for a few hours even though I wasn't high. I thought I sucked too many puffs into my mouth (3) so later that day tried a lesser amount and did not get the decrease in anxiety only an increase in the ringing in my ears so I ditched that idea and just decided to run through the fire cold turkey.
Now 2 months in last night I was around people who were smoking a joint of some mid-grade (open air, outside). I didn't think I would be at risk of getting a contact high but about 15 minutes later after I left I felt like maybe I got some of the THC in my system. I wasn't high I just felt different. At first this caused a little anxiety because I was thinking that's not good since I'm already 2 months in. Then shortly after I noticed again a big decrease in anxiety all the way until now the next day (morning) I still feel the decrease in anxiety. Could be unrelated but not sure.
It just makes me wonder more about the idea of micro-dosing out of the withdrawal and then tapering off. I think its possible but the problem is its very hard to every time get the exact dose of THC you would need to not get high but at the same time relieve any withdrawal symptoms without increasing the symptoms. You would need an exact dose in pill form or something like that and start with very low dosages. I suppose doing it with some type of edible gummy could work too if you cut it into tiny pieces but you would still be at risk of taking too much.
Was just wondering if anyone has contemplated this or had any ideas on this subject. I am in no way recommending this to anyone was just curious what others would say. We'll see how I feel today as the day goes on.
submitted by g3wb3r to WeedPAWS [link] [comments]
I tried it again and ended up having an increase in anxiety for a few hours even though I wasn't high. I thought I sucked too many puffs into my mouth (3) so later that day tried a lesser amount and did not get the decrease in anxiety only an increase in the ringing in my ears so I ditched that idea and just decided to run through the fire cold turkey.
Now 2 months in last night I was around people who were smoking a joint of some mid-grade (open air, outside). I didn't think I would be at risk of getting a contact high but about 15 minutes later after I left I felt like maybe I got some of the THC in my system. I wasn't high I just felt different. At first this caused a little anxiety because I was thinking that's not good since I'm already 2 months in. Then shortly after I noticed again a big decrease in anxiety all the way until now the next day (morning) I still feel the decrease in anxiety. Could be unrelated but not sure.
It just makes me wonder more about the idea of micro-dosing out of the withdrawal and then tapering off. I think its possible but the problem is its very hard to every time get the exact dose of THC you would need to not get high but at the same time relieve any withdrawal symptoms without increasing the symptoms. You would need an exact dose in pill form or something like that and start with very low dosages. I suppose doing it with some type of edible gummy could work too if you cut it into tiny pieces but you would still be at risk of taking too much.
Was just wondering if anyone has contemplated this or had any ideas on this subject. I am in no way recommending this to anyone was just curious what others would say. We'll see how I feel today as the day goes on.
2023.05.29 17:23 Harvington_ Banned for the discord because i i stated p2p is wrong and preditory
So today i was banned from the DM lair discord. why because i triggered the p2p and how majority of them pray on new players scamming them from money. P2P is a newer style of D&D that mostly appeared during the D&D boom a couple of years ago. and during it has caused a rift and issues within the community. D&D is suppose to be about the experience and community you have with your players not the money you cna profit. Now you might ask who am i? I am a fairly popular DM who has been running campaigns for almost a decade. I create maps for the community to use that are quite detailed. i run one shots nearly weekly helping new players get into D&D while running my own 2 campaigns. and NEVER have i asked for a penny. Why because as a true professional DM i seek to entertain and tell a story not make money off of people who either dont know better or being prayed on thinking that p2p will be higher quality. Am i perfect? no are the p2p DMs perfect. far from it. I am disgusted with how when someone says p2p is causing a rift in the community and is leading to scams and player lost while showing proof and evidence i am banned because of "This could get heated so stop before all the p2p DMs cry like the scummy people they are" Yeah i said they are scummy. "Well what about critical role?" They make money off of optional subs and merch they dont make money off of the actual game. "what about my time they paying for my time" Then maybe you are ready to be a DM if you feel entitaled to compensation. You already asked for a time commitment you dont get the right to ask for a money commitment. "well they want to pay" Cool so do the new players who dont know better and get scammed. paying 10-30 dollars a session you could have gotten a new video game, book, etc and the DM being able to quit and take all the money you guys had with no questions or reprocussions leads to a scam and unregulated community. The only way for it to end is to stop any and all p2p games and disregarde any scummy DMs who try to practice it.
To the new players there are amazing DMs who do 100 times better then any money driven DM. these p2p DMs dont actually care about D&D they only care about tricking you into paying them for a game that i suppose to bring peope together.
submitted by Harvington_ to TheDMLair [link] [comments]
To the new players there are amazing DMs who do 100 times better then any money driven DM. these p2p DMs dont actually care about D&D they only care about tricking you into paying them for a game that i suppose to bring peope together.
2023.05.29 17:23 diceunodixon Here’s mine!
 | This happened two months ago, and I’m finally separated from it enough to talk about. Blocked the number and turned in my keys the next day. submitted by diceunodixon to antiwork [link] [comments] |
2023.05.29 17:22 Flaky_Ad3136 Feeling doubts in my (M23) 2.5yr relationship with my gf (F23)
Hello everyone, currently in a relationship (M23) with my gf (F23) for almost 3 years and I'm starting to get only what I would describe as "embarrassing" feelings. I know what I'm feeling is immature but I really cant help that I feel this way.
For the past month or so I've been feeling trapped in my relationship. We have discussed things like moving in together and marriage and I feel like we have been moving at a healthy and steady pace. We have taken trips together and we had no arguments and feel safe sharing a living space with eachother. I'm only saying this because it feels like everything is being done correctly BUT I still feel like I want to be single. I know its a stupid feeling, and I always try my best to do new things, create little surprises, share new experiences just like when we first met but I just cant feel that way anymore.
It hurts so bad because she does not share this feeling in the slightest. She always talks about how shes excited to move in together and what our plans will be like, where we'll live in the future, where she wants a honeymoon and I'm just sitting here feeling guilty because its almost like these feelings are fading more and more.
I'm not expecting to be in a honeymoon phase for the entire relationship, and that has obviously died down since we first met but just for the past month I've been feeling super avoidant. For the first time ever I don't really care too much if we're intimate or not, I look foward to spending alone time and it feels like I just want to experience more alone.
We both have great careers and make a comfortable amount of money at a young age in NYC so it feels so dumb to try to end anything over "Wanting to be single". The problem is that even if I know all the answers to this - "This is how all long relationships are", "Anyone whos been married for a long time will tell you things die out, but you have to keep trying to keep the love alive", etc etc.. I still cant control that I feel this way. It feels like if I decide to stay or leave, I will regret it either way. I can't even imagine trying to break up with her and breaking her heart. It would be the most random heartbreaking news and would bring me to tears seeing how upset she'd be. Maybe this is a small phase that will go away in weeks time but I have no idea.
At the end of the day I'm not sure what answer I'm really looking for or what I would get out of posting this. Has anyone else felt this way? How did you deal with it? Did you end things/stay and regret it? I'm just feeling very lost
submitted by Flaky_Ad3136 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
For the past month or so I've been feeling trapped in my relationship. We have discussed things like moving in together and marriage and I feel like we have been moving at a healthy and steady pace. We have taken trips together and we had no arguments and feel safe sharing a living space with eachother. I'm only saying this because it feels like everything is being done correctly BUT I still feel like I want to be single. I know its a stupid feeling, and I always try my best to do new things, create little surprises, share new experiences just like when we first met but I just cant feel that way anymore.
It hurts so bad because she does not share this feeling in the slightest. She always talks about how shes excited to move in together and what our plans will be like, where we'll live in the future, where she wants a honeymoon and I'm just sitting here feeling guilty because its almost like these feelings are fading more and more.
I'm not expecting to be in a honeymoon phase for the entire relationship, and that has obviously died down since we first met but just for the past month I've been feeling super avoidant. For the first time ever I don't really care too much if we're intimate or not, I look foward to spending alone time and it feels like I just want to experience more alone.
We both have great careers and make a comfortable amount of money at a young age in NYC so it feels so dumb to try to end anything over "Wanting to be single". The problem is that even if I know all the answers to this - "This is how all long relationships are", "Anyone whos been married for a long time will tell you things die out, but you have to keep trying to keep the love alive", etc etc.. I still cant control that I feel this way. It feels like if I decide to stay or leave, I will regret it either way. I can't even imagine trying to break up with her and breaking her heart. It would be the most random heartbreaking news and would bring me to tears seeing how upset she'd be. Maybe this is a small phase that will go away in weeks time but I have no idea.
At the end of the day I'm not sure what answer I'm really looking for or what I would get out of posting this. Has anyone else felt this way? How did you deal with it? Did you end things/stay and regret it? I'm just feeling very lost
2023.05.29 17:22 Mission-Raccoon9432 Character Study: The Full Truth about Gorou Amamiya or Aqua Hoshino PART I
Hello again!
Actually my head hurts and my back hurts too. Maybe even my heart. I wrote this essay for 2 days straight. It is of better quality than my previous pieces, both in content and style. It's also the longest so I felt an obligation to deliver it as interesting as possible. Extensive essays are pretty tendious, I'm aware but I think I created an insightful and stimulating analysis for a character that doesn't get the attention he deserves. This is not just a hollow phrase, as I claim this essay uncovers unheard of depths of Gorou Amamiya respectively Aqua Hoshino.
Preamble
In the past we discussed Ruby's genius during her Audition with Frill and Akane. To sum it up: She's acting her whole life as the innocent and pure idol girl Ruby Hoshino but what fuels the encryption of her true self is her traumatized core identity as Sarina which she hides through acting.
Since this identity was passed down to her new life, her trauma was likewise passed down as well and as a result it predispositions her new life's psyche. After the loss of Ai and Gorou she yet again finds herself trapped in a repetitive cycle of her previous trauma of parental abandonment. That's why in her deep reflection during the audition she would overlap Sarina's and Ruby's psychograms seamlessly. It's the same all over again.
We discussed yesterday Gorou as Ruby's father figure while evidently Ai had a function as a mother figure to her (to Sarina actually) - or to be more precise the loss of both as surrogate parential figures associated as dear to her heart people triggered Sarina's trauma of an abandoned child through Ruby again. This in short is the nature of her repetitive traumatic cycle. Sarina-Ruby is acting a smile in both lifes while nobody seems to notice the ugly feelings deep inside her. Even when she had a reverse act coming out at the audition, Frill and Akane wouldn't conceive that these feelings weren't part of her auditional act but actually the naked truth.
However the point of this essay is not to talk about Ruby - although she will certainly be useful - but this time to explore to which extent the predisposition from the past life and the traumatic repetitive cycles are as principles applicable to Aqua in order to gain access into the very dephts of his soul. This will allow us to methodically understand the true nature behind his lately menacing character plot. I swear it's the first time you hear these takes.
In the long run this essay will also substantiate my analysis of Ruby, because if this is applicable to Aqua too then it's fair to say that we uncovered a symmetrical primary structure the Author intended to construct for these twins. (Mirror) Symmetrrial relations are indeed indicated between them on a lot of levels, some essays on this sub discuss that exhaustively.
*
So, we established Sarina's traumatic identity to be a predispositional factor for Ruby, vice versa we now have to establish the same for Aqua. It'd be misleading to ignore Gorou's core identity if we want to grasp Aqua's actions - or perhaps even his acting? Aqua too is stuck in a repetitive cycle triggered from his past life's supressed trauma. We will in this essay explore the depths of it like never done before. Eventually we gain a completely different understanding of revenge that actually haunts him more than it does Kamiki.
You kow, the other day I read an essay where the OP would refuse to call Aqua Aqua anymore and instead refers to him now as "Aquamarine" because he/she is apparently mad at his current behaviour. This to me is kinda funny but also instructive because it goes to show a fundamental misunderstanding of his character, which I believe is shared by many people. Be mad at Gorou Amamiya - if you dare - because this would actually be engaging.
However, we will see that he is like Ruby stuck in another repetitive cycle of trauma and the purpose of this essay is to raise awareness while not to excuse him blatantly but to point to the tragic and dramatic nature of his mind and soul. Because at this point it's safe to say that what we currently see is literally what we get. Aqua will not become visibly handsome any time soon. Better aknowledge and comprehend his actions now and save yourself later from phony bitterness, anger and other unreflected undermining reactions. Instead that be bitter and angry with compassion. Because if you don't appreciate his struggle you won't fully grasp the Cathasis that follows, which - under the impression that Aka is cooking some really good stuff - would be a shame. Finally I'm strongly hoping that this essay might enhance some people's future chapter reading experience.
Without further edo lets dive into it.
Gorou Amamiya
Gorou's core determining trauma is not that easy to grasp on and that's mainly because his cope is vague while his upfront personality apppears mature and he as an individual is also highly functional, both as Gorou and Aqua. He appears to us as a well adjusted middle aged man: He went to the Medical University in Tokyo, dated women sucessfully and eventually became a Doctor and kinda just knows how to handle stuff. He is also a walking encyclopaedia, so feel free to ask him anything!
On the contrary site: Gorou seems to be a loner, an Otaku in denial who lives quite isolated in Japan's rural backwaters. After his study years in Tokyo he moved back to his hometown. We don't know the exact reason why he voluntarily choose this kind of isolation, probably to take care of his grandmother. When he came back to the hospitel as Aqua he referred to his coworkers as "colleagues I was close to" which implies a certain distance and a lack of other related people in the town like for instance actual friends that he would want to meet. After he learned that nobody of his past colleugues work there anymore the "social question" of his past life fizzled out.
The rural working place granted him a lot of free time at the hospital, So he met his emotionally undemanding social life with escapism into Idol-Culture respectively Ai Hoshino. And surely this "quirk" is the first indication that this man doesn't just maintain an introverted but healthy Work-Life-Balance as a doctor but actually tries to cure away some void: A normal man just doesn't scream joyful in a patient's room like a fanatic over an Idol show. This beginning scene doesn't just serves as a quirky comic relief but sets a fundamental tone to his character. A little later the coworking woman in EP 1 wouldn't quite believe his copium about a shared memory with Sarina as the reason for his idolization of Ai. And since he didn't gave her a clear answer if he would or wouldn't date Ai he at the same time disclosed a personal obsession as to be part of his allegedly idealistic and pure motives. We will get back to their conversation later, as we will find out that Gorou was actually honest and righteouss about his claims.
I know, I know. Still haven't mentioned the elephant in the room:
His dead mother.
What is Guilt?
When for Ruby the reoccuring event of her traumatic cycle is parental abandonment then for Gorou it is the feeling of guilt "for being born at the expense of his mother" (C75). In other words to feel responsible for her death.
Gorou lost his mother during his birth but he eventually got adopted by his Grandmother who took the role as his mother figure. The fact that he was actually raised by family laid the foundation for a some what functional personality. In fact he for his personal development received maternal love from his grandmother, thus the trauma which he recycled over Ai's death is fundamentally different from Ruby's.
But at the same time... it isn't different at all. Here is the why:
What is Love?
We found out in the essay about Gorou as Ruby's father-figure that she'd eventually develope a romantic love interest for her father-figure due to the stagnation of her psychological development as part of her inherited "curse" through reincarnation with her trauma. While Ruby's body would mature and develope, likewise Ichigo as a father-surrogat is not present in her life, Sarina's soul would still be bounded to a confused relationship she development during her hospitalization. Sarina's love for Gorou was a childish inmature expression in a phase where the father is the only male person of interest in a young girl's life. But the anxiety to lose a dear father like figure again after she was abandoned by her biological father would also urge her to express a childish romantic interest for her Doctor. If he marries her he can never leave her again. A differentiation and overcoming of this developmental phase didn't happen for Ruby because the memory of Gorou would force herself in a obsessive spiral until she confused herself to desire actual romantic love from him, her father-figure. The playful jokes about marriage when Sarina becomes 16 have turned to a personal life goal of Ruby. When she found out about his death it triggered the trauma of parental abondenment and unleashed all her self-destructive feelings. A death wish that already was present during her life as Sarina and after Ai's death but had been intercepted by Miyako as a new mother and also through the hope and longing for Gorou's acceptance of her - both as Sarina and Ruby, but moreso in Ruby because this confused desire found a fleshed out embodiment in a sexually developed girl's body.
Well and Gorous obsession over the Idol Ai isn't that far off from this. Because what Gorou actually seeks from Ai is unconditional love. The kind of love that isn't just receivable by a surrogate mother but the very personal love that only a biological mother can give to her child in the very early infant stage. In Ai's eyes he would feel a kind of dangerous tease of this deeply hidden desire and while he never actually understood the reason of this longing or even that it's related to a surpressed trauma over his dead mother, he do felt mystically pulled into Ai's realm and felt a glimpse of hope for unconditional "Ai" (Ai when written in Kanji means Love) through her idolization.
But keep in mind that he is a full grown man. He already experienced a mostly sufficient mother figure in his life - the Grandmother. Of course he would never realize what the cause for his troublesome obsession over this teenage girl Ai Hoshino really is about. He eventually developes just as Ruby for Gorou a confusing sexual interest for the "unconditionally loving mother" that he projects onto Ai. Likewise Ruby developed a sexual interest for her idolized father figure Gorou.
Interestlingly enough the chat with his coworker on the roof about Ai fully displayed his confusion. In this scene she was a bit like a therapist, while he would reveal his trauma to her. The irony of course is that neither he nor her realize it: On the one hand he indeed seeks pure and idealistic form of "Ai", unconditional love of a mother for her childt. At the same time it's distorted by his sexual maturity which would try to find fullfillment through romantic and sexual "ressources".
The romantic fantasy is an impuls of the conflicted adult body that carries an infant's hidden wish. An unfulfilled infant lives deep inside of Gorous heart as a surpressed trauma over his mother's death who couldn't give him the most exclusive form of maternal love.
*
The Selfish Love
We found the inverted similarity between Ruby's attachment to Gorou and Aqua's attachment to Ai. But it's worth to point out that in relation to Ai - and what I mean by that the quality of the relation Aqua -> Ai vs. Ruby -> Ai - there is a crucial difference in the form of love they want from her and it is mainly rooted in the different developmental phases they both are "stuck" in terms of the form of desired maternity.
Ruby's longing for a mother is transferable. Since she probably received the kind of unconditional love of an infant herself but was only abandoned at a later age when she became sick, Sarina could compensate it with Ai's love and even Miyako's after Ai's death. Ruby was kinda temporarly stabilized since she believed in meeting her idolized father again. It's not like Ai's death hasn't affected her but she is in her longing for maternal love actually more mature than Gorou. I will explain later how. Ai is for Ruby from this point of view "interchangable" just like Marina. But it is a yet to observe in the coming chapters how and when Sarina will "release herself and her mother from the expectation that a mother should love her child" (C119) but to me it seems like Sarina has a solid foundation to overcome this issue through her movie role of Ai.
But what about the kind of love Gorou craves for? Well for once we know that he doesn't seek something transferable because in fact a transfer that could cover the kind of maternal Love Ruby seeks he already received from his Grandmother. He wants the pure, innocent and idealistic love of a mother for his infant, for him it can only be re-created and satisfied in the impossible yet odd realm of supernaturality, A reincarnation as an actual infant with intact memories of his past life in the hands of an actual loving mother. This is the only but also the absolute solution to meet the innocent and pure minded wish of the traumatized infant crying in Gorous heart.
A normal well adjusted adult would perceive this situation as a nightmare. Being a baby stands in the heaviest contrast to the inherited soul of an adult. "I am a f'cking grown man, goddamit. Why am I a baby? I'm right now the most vulnerable, dependend and defenseless being, this situation absolutely opposes my proven and experienced self identity as a grown up" This is what a normal adult would think and he would hate this unintelligible situation he found himself randomly in. It's basically a curse. Also he would want to go back to his family, friends etc. Gorou on the other hand is a loner and suffers a tragic supressed trauma. So now we beginn to see how all the hings come together. Such a joyful and innocent scene as presented in the Manga has a dark meaning behind it.
To embrace the role of a cute liltte baby with the same joy and happiness it implies an actual desire to do so. To assert that this is yet another casual comic relief scene just to start his interesting journey as a MC misses the point. The plot started when he fanatically cheered up his Idol over the TV of a patients room.
Likewise here and there his personal desire in Ai and "Ai" would blend out the surounding world. Aqua ignores the premise of his reincarnation that he was murdered by Ai's stalker, because he wants to stimulate his deeply supressed desire. Gorou ignores the patient's needed rest when Ai is on TV, because he wants to stimulate the same desire. In relation to Ai Gorou is selfish right from the start. It's a very inmature selfish love towards her as an Idol and a mother, in fact this form of love is the most inmature and selfish love imaginable because it's born from the tragically denied desire of the most vulnerable and inmature human form: The Infant. In fact, that he as a doctor couldn't supresse his selfish will to disturb a resting patient was a pivotal moment to prelude the great lengths this desire would go to experience stimulation. His behaviour as Ai's baby is a derivation and the purest and most innocent enbodiment. Because this time it's materialized in the body of an actual infant. Gorou has become the human flesh of the traumatically supressed infant's desire living in his heart.
Gorou at this point is absolutely unwilling to give up the situation he found himself in. The infant has completely taken over the adult's mind. At one point he would even thank the culprit and ompletely misjudge the actual situation they are in. This - for such a reasonable and smart but apparently selfless man like Gorou - is astonishing to say the least. In relation of it's meaning in terms of trauma and hidden desire it's comprehensible.
The infant's longing is the most fragile form of love imaginable. If it misses it's chance it's all over again. It only came into life through an absolutely impossible miracle. This selfish little desire, for a long time well hidden as a surpressed trauma, feed by escapism in Idol-Culture, will do anything to blockade interferring reason. The reasonable adult Gorou is completely cut off.
The adult Gorou who's identity as an dedicated professional who is willing to go to great lengths to support his patients while rolling back his personal gain. The adult Gorou that for once let his selfish wish take advantage. This adult Gorou will end with the corpse of his mother in his hands.
The Reenactment of a Tragedy
"Unconditional love" - it should be pure and innocent yet it becomes the very reason for his self-destroying malicous decades long torture and agony.
With the death of Ai Aqua for the first time conscioussly witnesses what until then was just a deeply hidden ugly non-verbalized traumatic experience. Before Ai's death Gorou never realized the existence of it, let alone the depths of it nor how it affects his personality structure.
But now while he is the accomplice witness of an unfolding nightmare - with the heart of an infant and the brain of an adult - the surpressed trauma actually has a real reenactment...
This is probably the most impactful moment of self-realization in the Manga in terms of Gorou's psyche. Yes, Gorou's. These words reflect the core traumatic experience of Gorou's birth that was reenacted by Ai's death. This is not about Aqua and his roleplay as the Son of Ai Hoshino and it's certainly not the trauma of a fan who lost his favorite Idol.
These are the words of a newborn that could never forget the rusted metal-like smell of his mother's blood penetrating his nostrils. Nor could he forget how the warmth slowly left her hand. Can you imagine what he's actually describing her? How his mother was slowly bleeding out and dies while she was holding her newborn in her arms?
Postpartum bleeding or postpartum hemorrhage is often defined as the loss of more than 500 ml or 1,000 ml of blood following childbirth.
They were alone, Gorou was exposed to his dying mother until her last gasp. This shocking tragic accident describes the first moments of his early life as a horrifying Dispair.
And we can immediately see, that Ai's death scene was personally ment for Gorou. It's not a coincidence that Ruby would by shielded behind the milky glassed door while Aqua would be exposed to the fullest with all his senses. It's because the repetitive cycle of his personal trauma was ment to unfold exclusively to him. In the closed door that shields Ruby also symbolizes the earlier expressed maturity of Ruby's seek for maternal love. This little physical gap and the muffled visual and audible senses are a quintessential symbolization of the difference in the form of love Ruby and Aqua seek and quintessential to the importance of the circumstances of her death to each of them.
Likewise Ruby's discovery of Gorou's corpse as a triggering event of her personal trauma through the guidance of the crow was exclusively ment for her to experience. Aqua was "excluded" in the sense that he wouldn't recognize how important that corpse is to Ruby because then it would be immanent that they know each other, which at that point is not in the god's interest.
*
Now you might ask yourself: Okay, but why wasn't his desire fullfilled after some time, for example after he passed by the biological infant state? Why would he crave for this kind of love for years until her death? After some time he should have come to his senses and tell her about the danger, right? And why would he still follow her idol performances as a dedicated fan when we established that the idolization was only a surrogat expression of Gorou Amamiyas surpressed desire?
The Reenactment of True Love
Gorou and Ai share a common goal. Ai wants to unconditionally love somebody and Gorou wants unconditionally to be loved. The reincarnation of Gorou as Ai's son sets the framework for a realization of both wishes.
The unconditonality of Ai's devotion that Gorou seeks from her as a mother isn't fullfilled. He early on realized through the performances he would witness as Aqua on TV that she looks at the camera and her fans with the same eyes and smile as she does at her kids. The purely physical devotion of a mother that takes care of her children like bathing them appears to him as an mechanized act, her mere obligation as a legal guardian. it's like "shaking hands" with a Fan after the idol concert. "Lies are an exceptional form of Love" she said to Gorou on the roof top (btw why is everyone opening up on that roof top, is it really like a therapist session whenever somebody enters it :)) thus he suspect she's acting towards her children the same way like towards her fans. Sure, a normal child wouldn't be that suspicious but Aqua is still a grown man and fully grasps the artificiality of his role as particular Ai's son. Eventually after all those years Aqua would still crave for an actual true expression of unconditional love that is exclusive to him. And Ai still was trying to love somebody but was yet too scared to express it to her children.
Now we can see why he would persist on his role as her son and supersede the danger of the culprit who killed him. For years he would ignore it because for years he was still crave for his desired love.
Just the fact of being supernaturally pushed to be her son wasn't fullfilling the desire of the infant at all, since deception and a lie is the core of this relationship. He would naturally jump back to old habits and absorb more love from the Idol Ai Hoshino over TV. But when Miyako took the twins to her concert and their cute dance triggered Ai's most sincere maternal smile it was actually a great moment of hope for Aqua.
This whole thing with the smile was pretty instructive. Because as you recall Ai was during ego-surfing reading the opinion of a fan who said her smile and expression wouldn't be convincing at all. Well I can't prove that this anonymous poster was Aqua himself but for the point I want to make lets just assume that it exactly articulates the impression Aqua shares with the poster. They both think that she lacks convincing emotionality "on stage" - a mysterious expression because for Aqua who is roleplaying this mother-son-relation it's also as observing her "on stage" at home. And his expectation as a child towards a mother is as obsessive as the expectation of a fan towards his favorite idol.
Unfortunately he gets "betrayed" (or maybe not, I will elabore later) because a little after Ai found this new and wonderful smile she would mechanize the same expression on stage for her fans, thus it lost the unconditional intimate character which should be exclusive between a mother and her child. Ai is the best and most ruthless liar of all time.
At the same time - lets entertain that he in fact was the anonymous poster - Aqua still has a lot of selflessness at his core personality, especially as he grows up, more of the upfront "Gorou" comes out again. It's not odd to assume that he really wanted to help Ai in her development as an famous Idol. I actually like this idea a lot and it's coherent with the type of Guy Gorou/Aqua outside of his very personal desire is: A carrying fine guy who genuinely wants the best for the people he feels close to.
Chronologically it also makes sense. She was holding Aqua on her lap and was complaining about the little money she makes. She was frustated and felt stuck. She said she wants to provide for her family. Then she went to her dance lessons and there she would sit down with her phone and read that message about her smile. Aqua could have predicted that she would ego-surf and therefore posted that tweet. Later on the concert Aqua and Ruby would reveal the "star power" that can influence others. A mirroring "star power" influence Aqua would perform on Kana's first idol concert when she exactly like Ai had trouble to express the sincere smile and joy.
On top of that the apparent "push" of Aqua has a certain providing husband-like character to it. Ai says she wants to provide for the family. In the end it's Aqua's interferrence that supported her wish. In this moment he acted the identity of Gorou the doctor when he was looking out for her best interests as a pregnant woman, a bit like a loving and carrying husband.
In a a future contrasting juxtaposition fine moments like this will help Aqua to realize that the amount of guilt he feels for her death is exaggerated and unfair since he genuinly was also looking after her even as her child. And of course we all remember his influence on Gotanda after she was cut out of his movie.
*
Gorou's core determining trauma is not that easy to grasp and that's because it's coded as emotional raw data into his subconsciousness. There is another very important trauma at the core which prevents him from realizing the importance of that love that was finally granted to him in Ai's last moments. He didn't realize that this was an sincere reenactment of true love his dying mother gave him after his birth. This frame in the anime gives it basically away: Her hair like the hair after an extremely painful deadly birth. She is all sweaty, exhausted and anemic but also the truely happiest woman she ever was. It's like saying: There is no point of feeling guilty, I'm so glad I gave birth to you, my son. I love you...
https://preview.redd.it/6veu0yctbs2b1.jpg?width=1280&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0883f041277110fc0fadca5c8290e63c2ea72e4f
And is there even any base for guilt at all? The chapter "What is Guilt" in this essay turned out to be the shortest one. It's maybe also the grand tragicirony of Aka's story. "Guilt" and revenge for it's sake occupy Aqua's entire purpose in life, yet it has the most fragile irrational foundation, born from trauma and self-misunderstanding. One final thought: It's also not forgiveness. The kind of love that Gorous mother expressed for him after her birth wasn't forgiveness as it implies guilt. No, she is simply happy and unconditonally loved her son. He is not guilty.
* * * *
The next chapter in PART II will be called "The Reeactment of Violence" and in this we will find hidden links between Gorou's trauma with a father-figures in his life, the missing father who impregnated his mother but wouldn't provide for him, how this is reflected on Kamiki but also expressed in Aqua's husband-like behaviour towards Ai, but also his poisoned relationship to his Grandfather and how all of this comes together on the scenery of Ai's murder. And much more....
submitted by Mission-Raccoon9432 to OshiNoKo [link] [comments]
Actually my head hurts and my back hurts too. Maybe even my heart. I wrote this essay for 2 days straight. It is of better quality than my previous pieces, both in content and style. It's also the longest so I felt an obligation to deliver it as interesting as possible. Extensive essays are pretty tendious, I'm aware but I think I created an insightful and stimulating analysis for a character that doesn't get the attention he deserves. This is not just a hollow phrase, as I claim this essay uncovers unheard of depths of Gorou Amamiya respectively Aqua Hoshino.
Preamble
In the past we discussed Ruby's genius during her Audition with Frill and Akane. To sum it up: She's acting her whole life as the innocent and pure idol girl Ruby Hoshino but what fuels the encryption of her true self is her traumatized core identity as Sarina which she hides through acting.
Since this identity was passed down to her new life, her trauma was likewise passed down as well and as a result it predispositions her new life's psyche. After the loss of Ai and Gorou she yet again finds herself trapped in a repetitive cycle of her previous trauma of parental abandonment. That's why in her deep reflection during the audition she would overlap Sarina's and Ruby's psychograms seamlessly. It's the same all over again.
We discussed yesterday Gorou as Ruby's father figure while evidently Ai had a function as a mother figure to her (to Sarina actually) - or to be more precise the loss of both as surrogate parential figures associated as dear to her heart people triggered Sarina's trauma of an abandoned child through Ruby again. This in short is the nature of her repetitive traumatic cycle. Sarina-Ruby is acting a smile in both lifes while nobody seems to notice the ugly feelings deep inside her. Even when she had a reverse act coming out at the audition, Frill and Akane wouldn't conceive that these feelings weren't part of her auditional act but actually the naked truth.
However the point of this essay is not to talk about Ruby - although she will certainly be useful - but this time to explore to which extent the predisposition from the past life and the traumatic repetitive cycles are as principles applicable to Aqua in order to gain access into the very dephts of his soul. This will allow us to methodically understand the true nature behind his lately menacing character plot. I swear it's the first time you hear these takes.
In the long run this essay will also substantiate my analysis of Ruby, because if this is applicable to Aqua too then it's fair to say that we uncovered a symmetrical primary structure the Author intended to construct for these twins. (Mirror) Symmetrrial relations are indeed indicated between them on a lot of levels, some essays on this sub discuss that exhaustively.
*
So, we established Sarina's traumatic identity to be a predispositional factor for Ruby, vice versa we now have to establish the same for Aqua. It'd be misleading to ignore Gorou's core identity if we want to grasp Aqua's actions - or perhaps even his acting? Aqua too is stuck in a repetitive cycle triggered from his past life's supressed trauma. We will in this essay explore the depths of it like never done before. Eventually we gain a completely different understanding of revenge that actually haunts him more than it does Kamiki.
You kow, the other day I read an essay where the OP would refuse to call Aqua Aqua anymore and instead refers to him now as "Aquamarine" because he/she is apparently mad at his current behaviour. This to me is kinda funny but also instructive because it goes to show a fundamental misunderstanding of his character, which I believe is shared by many people. Be mad at Gorou Amamiya - if you dare - because this would actually be engaging.
However, we will see that he is like Ruby stuck in another repetitive cycle of trauma and the purpose of this essay is to raise awareness while not to excuse him blatantly but to point to the tragic and dramatic nature of his mind and soul. Because at this point it's safe to say that what we currently see is literally what we get. Aqua will not become visibly handsome any time soon. Better aknowledge and comprehend his actions now and save yourself later from phony bitterness, anger and other unreflected undermining reactions. Instead that be bitter and angry with compassion. Because if you don't appreciate his struggle you won't fully grasp the Cathasis that follows, which - under the impression that Aka is cooking some really good stuff - would be a shame. Finally I'm strongly hoping that this essay might enhance some people's future chapter reading experience.
Without further edo lets dive into it.
Gorou Amamiya
Gorou's core determining trauma is not that easy to grasp on and that's mainly because his cope is vague while his upfront personality apppears mature and he as an individual is also highly functional, both as Gorou and Aqua. He appears to us as a well adjusted middle aged man: He went to the Medical University in Tokyo, dated women sucessfully and eventually became a Doctor and kinda just knows how to handle stuff. He is also a walking encyclopaedia, so feel free to ask him anything!
On the contrary site: Gorou seems to be a loner, an Otaku in denial who lives quite isolated in Japan's rural backwaters. After his study years in Tokyo he moved back to his hometown. We don't know the exact reason why he voluntarily choose this kind of isolation, probably to take care of his grandmother. When he came back to the hospitel as Aqua he referred to his coworkers as "colleagues I was close to" which implies a certain distance and a lack of other related people in the town like for instance actual friends that he would want to meet. After he learned that nobody of his past colleugues work there anymore the "social question" of his past life fizzled out.
The rural working place granted him a lot of free time at the hospital, So he met his emotionally undemanding social life with escapism into Idol-Culture respectively Ai Hoshino. And surely this "quirk" is the first indication that this man doesn't just maintain an introverted but healthy Work-Life-Balance as a doctor but actually tries to cure away some void: A normal man just doesn't scream joyful in a patient's room like a fanatic over an Idol show. This beginning scene doesn't just serves as a quirky comic relief but sets a fundamental tone to his character. A little later the coworking woman in EP 1 wouldn't quite believe his copium about a shared memory with Sarina as the reason for his idolization of Ai. And since he didn't gave her a clear answer if he would or wouldn't date Ai he at the same time disclosed a personal obsession as to be part of his allegedly idealistic and pure motives. We will get back to their conversation later, as we will find out that Gorou was actually honest and righteouss about his claims.
I know, I know. Still haven't mentioned the elephant in the room:
His dead mother.
What is Guilt?
When for Ruby the reoccuring event of her traumatic cycle is parental abandonment then for Gorou it is the feeling of guilt "for being born at the expense of his mother" (C75). In other words to feel responsible for her death.
Gorou lost his mother during his birth but he eventually got adopted by his Grandmother who took the role as his mother figure. The fact that he was actually raised by family laid the foundation for a some what functional personality. In fact he for his personal development received maternal love from his grandmother, thus the trauma which he recycled over Ai's death is fundamentally different from Ruby's.
But at the same time... it isn't different at all. Here is the why:
What is Love?
We found out in the essay about Gorou as Ruby's father-figure that she'd eventually develope a romantic love interest for her father-figure due to the stagnation of her psychological development as part of her inherited "curse" through reincarnation with her trauma. While Ruby's body would mature and develope, likewise Ichigo as a father-surrogat is not present in her life, Sarina's soul would still be bounded to a confused relationship she development during her hospitalization. Sarina's love for Gorou was a childish inmature expression in a phase where the father is the only male person of interest in a young girl's life. But the anxiety to lose a dear father like figure again after she was abandoned by her biological father would also urge her to express a childish romantic interest for her Doctor. If he marries her he can never leave her again. A differentiation and overcoming of this developmental phase didn't happen for Ruby because the memory of Gorou would force herself in a obsessive spiral until she confused herself to desire actual romantic love from him, her father-figure. The playful jokes about marriage when Sarina becomes 16 have turned to a personal life goal of Ruby. When she found out about his death it triggered the trauma of parental abondenment and unleashed all her self-destructive feelings. A death wish that already was present during her life as Sarina and after Ai's death but had been intercepted by Miyako as a new mother and also through the hope and longing for Gorou's acceptance of her - both as Sarina and Ruby, but moreso in Ruby because this confused desire found a fleshed out embodiment in a sexually developed girl's body.
Well and Gorous obsession over the Idol Ai isn't that far off from this. Because what Gorou actually seeks from Ai is unconditional love. The kind of love that isn't just receivable by a surrogate mother but the very personal love that only a biological mother can give to her child in the very early infant stage. In Ai's eyes he would feel a kind of dangerous tease of this deeply hidden desire and while he never actually understood the reason of this longing or even that it's related to a surpressed trauma over his dead mother, he do felt mystically pulled into Ai's realm and felt a glimpse of hope for unconditional "Ai" (Ai when written in Kanji means Love) through her idolization.
But keep in mind that he is a full grown man. He already experienced a mostly sufficient mother figure in his life - the Grandmother. Of course he would never realize what the cause for his troublesome obsession over this teenage girl Ai Hoshino really is about. He eventually developes just as Ruby for Gorou a confusing sexual interest for the "unconditionally loving mother" that he projects onto Ai. Likewise Ruby developed a sexual interest for her idolized father figure Gorou.
Interestlingly enough the chat with his coworker on the roof about Ai fully displayed his confusion. In this scene she was a bit like a therapist, while he would reveal his trauma to her. The irony of course is that neither he nor her realize it: On the one hand he indeed seeks pure and idealistic form of "Ai", unconditional love of a mother for her childt. At the same time it's distorted by his sexual maturity which would try to find fullfillment through romantic and sexual "ressources".
The romantic fantasy is an impuls of the conflicted adult body that carries an infant's hidden wish. An unfulfilled infant lives deep inside of Gorous heart as a surpressed trauma over his mother's death who couldn't give him the most exclusive form of maternal love.
*
The Selfish Love
We found the inverted similarity between Ruby's attachment to Gorou and Aqua's attachment to Ai. But it's worth to point out that in relation to Ai - and what I mean by that the quality of the relation Aqua -> Ai vs. Ruby -> Ai - there is a crucial difference in the form of love they want from her and it is mainly rooted in the different developmental phases they both are "stuck" in terms of the form of desired maternity.
Ruby's longing for a mother is transferable. Since she probably received the kind of unconditional love of an infant herself but was only abandoned at a later age when she became sick, Sarina could compensate it with Ai's love and even Miyako's after Ai's death. Ruby was kinda temporarly stabilized since she believed in meeting her idolized father again. It's not like Ai's death hasn't affected her but she is in her longing for maternal love actually more mature than Gorou. I will explain later how. Ai is for Ruby from this point of view "interchangable" just like Marina. But it is a yet to observe in the coming chapters how and when Sarina will "release herself and her mother from the expectation that a mother should love her child" (C119) but to me it seems like Sarina has a solid foundation to overcome this issue through her movie role of Ai.
But what about the kind of love Gorou craves for? Well for once we know that he doesn't seek something transferable because in fact a transfer that could cover the kind of maternal Love Ruby seeks he already received from his Grandmother. He wants the pure, innocent and idealistic love of a mother for his infant, for him it can only be re-created and satisfied in the impossible yet odd realm of supernaturality, A reincarnation as an actual infant with intact memories of his past life in the hands of an actual loving mother. This is the only but also the absolute solution to meet the innocent and pure minded wish of the traumatized infant crying in Gorous heart.
"When I woke up, I was in heaven [....] for now, I just want to live this baby life to it's fullest"(Chapter 1)
A normal well adjusted adult would perceive this situation as a nightmare. Being a baby stands in the heaviest contrast to the inherited soul of an adult. "I am a f'cking grown man, goddamit. Why am I a baby? I'm right now the most vulnerable, dependend and defenseless being, this situation absolutely opposes my proven and experienced self identity as a grown up" This is what a normal adult would think and he would hate this unintelligible situation he found himself randomly in. It's basically a curse. Also he would want to go back to his family, friends etc. Gorou on the other hand is a loner and suffers a tragic supressed trauma. So now we beginn to see how all the hings come together. Such a joyful and innocent scene as presented in the Manga has a dark meaning behind it.
To embrace the role of a cute liltte baby with the same joy and happiness it implies an actual desire to do so. To assert that this is yet another casual comic relief scene just to start his interesting journey as a MC misses the point. The plot started when he fanatically cheered up his Idol over the TV of a patients room.
Likewise here and there his personal desire in Ai and "Ai" would blend out the surounding world. Aqua ignores the premise of his reincarnation that he was murdered by Ai's stalker, because he wants to stimulate his deeply supressed desire. Gorou ignores the patient's needed rest when Ai is on TV, because he wants to stimulate the same desire. In relation to Ai Gorou is selfish right from the start. It's a very inmature selfish love towards her as an Idol and a mother, in fact this form of love is the most inmature and selfish love imaginable because it's born from the tragically denied desire of the most vulnerable and inmature human form: The Infant. In fact, that he as a doctor couldn't supresse his selfish will to disturb a resting patient was a pivotal moment to prelude the great lengths this desire would go to experience stimulation. His behaviour as Ai's baby is a derivation and the purest and most innocent enbodiment. Because this time it's materialized in the body of an actual infant. Gorou has become the human flesh of the traumatically supressed infant's desire living in his heart.
Gorou at this point is absolutely unwilling to give up the situation he found himself in. The infant has completely taken over the adult's mind. At one point he would even thank the culprit and ompletely misjudge the actual situation they are in. This - for such a reasonable and smart but apparently selfless man like Gorou - is astonishing to say the least. In relation of it's meaning in terms of trauma and hidden desire it's comprehensible.
The infant's longing is the most fragile form of love imaginable. If it misses it's chance it's all over again. It only came into life through an absolutely impossible miracle. This selfish little desire, for a long time well hidden as a surpressed trauma, feed by escapism in Idol-Culture, will do anything to blockade interferring reason. The reasonable adult Gorou is completely cut off.
The adult Gorou who's identity as an dedicated professional who is willing to go to great lengths to support his patients while rolling back his personal gain. The adult Gorou that for once let his selfish wish take advantage. This adult Gorou will end with the corpse of his mother in his hands.
The Reenactment of a Tragedy
"Unconditional love" - it should be pure and innocent yet it becomes the very reason for his self-destroying malicous decades long torture and agony.
With the death of Ai Aqua for the first time conscioussly witnesses what until then was just a deeply hidden ugly non-verbalized traumatic experience. Before Ai's death Gorou never realized the existence of it, let alone the depths of it nor how it affects his personality structure.
But now while he is the accomplice witness of an unfolding nightmare - with the heart of an infant and the brain of an adult - the surpressed trauma actually has a real reenactment...
"I could never forget... The rusted metal-like smell of her blood penetrating my nostrils. Nor could I forget how the warmth slowly left her hand" (C51)https://preview.redd.it/3hv2m50vxr2b1.jpg?width=1481&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7842bc1ac0945aab5149c505fd719c6139ca4370
This is probably the most impactful moment of self-realization in the Manga in terms of Gorou's psyche. Yes, Gorou's. These words reflect the core traumatic experience of Gorou's birth that was reenacted by Ai's death. This is not about Aqua and his roleplay as the Son of Ai Hoshino and it's certainly not the trauma of a fan who lost his favorite Idol.
These are the words of a newborn that could never forget the rusted metal-like smell of his mother's blood penetrating his nostrils. Nor could he forget how the warmth slowly left her hand. Can you imagine what he's actually describing her? How his mother was slowly bleeding out and dies while she was holding her newborn in her arms?
Postpartum bleeding or postpartum hemorrhage is often defined as the loss of more than 500 ml or 1,000 ml of blood following childbirth.
They were alone, Gorou was exposed to his dying mother until her last gasp. This shocking tragic accident describes the first moments of his early life as a horrifying Dispair.
And we can immediately see, that Ai's death scene was personally ment for Gorou. It's not a coincidence that Ruby would by shielded behind the milky glassed door while Aqua would be exposed to the fullest with all his senses. It's because the repetitive cycle of his personal trauma was ment to unfold exclusively to him. In the closed door that shields Ruby also symbolizes the earlier expressed maturity of Ruby's seek for maternal love. This little physical gap and the muffled visual and audible senses are a quintessential symbolization of the difference in the form of love Ruby and Aqua seek and quintessential to the importance of the circumstances of her death to each of them.
Likewise Ruby's discovery of Gorou's corpse as a triggering event of her personal trauma through the guidance of the crow was exclusively ment for her to experience. Aqua was "excluded" in the sense that he wouldn't recognize how important that corpse is to Ruby because then it would be immanent that they know each other, which at that point is not in the god's interest.
*
Now you might ask yourself: Okay, but why wasn't his desire fullfilled after some time, for example after he passed by the biological infant state? Why would he crave for this kind of love for years until her death? After some time he should have come to his senses and tell her about the danger, right? And why would he still follow her idol performances as a dedicated fan when we established that the idolization was only a surrogat expression of Gorou Amamiyas surpressed desire?
The Reenactment of True Love
Gorou and Ai share a common goal. Ai wants to unconditionally love somebody and Gorou wants unconditionally to be loved. The reincarnation of Gorou as Ai's son sets the framework for a realization of both wishes.
The unconditonality of Ai's devotion that Gorou seeks from her as a mother isn't fullfilled. He early on realized through the performances he would witness as Aqua on TV that she looks at the camera and her fans with the same eyes and smile as she does at her kids. The purely physical devotion of a mother that takes care of her children like bathing them appears to him as an mechanized act, her mere obligation as a legal guardian. it's like "shaking hands" with a Fan after the idol concert. "Lies are an exceptional form of Love" she said to Gorou on the roof top (btw why is everyone opening up on that roof top, is it really like a therapist session whenever somebody enters it :)) thus he suspect she's acting towards her children the same way like towards her fans. Sure, a normal child wouldn't be that suspicious but Aqua is still a grown man and fully grasps the artificiality of his role as particular Ai's son. Eventually after all those years Aqua would still crave for an actual true expression of unconditional love that is exclusive to him. And Ai still was trying to love somebody but was yet too scared to express it to her children.
Now we can see why he would persist on his role as her son and supersede the danger of the culprit who killed him. For years he would ignore it because for years he was still crave for his desired love.
Just the fact of being supernaturally pushed to be her son wasn't fullfilling the desire of the infant at all, since deception and a lie is the core of this relationship. He would naturally jump back to old habits and absorb more love from the Idol Ai Hoshino over TV. But when Miyako took the twins to her concert and their cute dance triggered Ai's most sincere maternal smile it was actually a great moment of hope for Aqua.
This whole thing with the smile was pretty instructive. Because as you recall Ai was during ego-surfing reading the opinion of a fan who said her smile and expression wouldn't be convincing at all. Well I can't prove that this anonymous poster was Aqua himself but for the point I want to make lets just assume that it exactly articulates the impression Aqua shares with the poster. They both think that she lacks convincing emotionality "on stage" - a mysterious expression because for Aqua who is roleplaying this mother-son-relation it's also as observing her "on stage" at home. And his expectation as a child towards a mother is as obsessive as the expectation of a fan towards his favorite idol.
Unfortunately he gets "betrayed" (or maybe not, I will elabore later) because a little after Ai found this new and wonderful smile she would mechanize the same expression on stage for her fans, thus it lost the unconditional intimate character which should be exclusive between a mother and her child. Ai is the best and most ruthless liar of all time.
At the same time - lets entertain that he in fact was the anonymous poster - Aqua still has a lot of selflessness at his core personality, especially as he grows up, more of the upfront "Gorou" comes out again. It's not odd to assume that he really wanted to help Ai in her development as an famous Idol. I actually like this idea a lot and it's coherent with the type of Guy Gorou/Aqua outside of his very personal desire is: A carrying fine guy who genuinely wants the best for the people he feels close to.
Chronologically it also makes sense. She was holding Aqua on her lap and was complaining about the little money she makes. She was frustated and felt stuck. She said she wants to provide for her family. Then she went to her dance lessons and there she would sit down with her phone and read that message about her smile. Aqua could have predicted that she would ego-surf and therefore posted that tweet. Later on the concert Aqua and Ruby would reveal the "star power" that can influence others. A mirroring "star power" influence Aqua would perform on Kana's first idol concert when she exactly like Ai had trouble to express the sincere smile and joy.
On top of that the apparent "push" of Aqua has a certain providing husband-like character to it. Ai says she wants to provide for the family. In the end it's Aqua's interferrence that supported her wish. In this moment he acted the identity of Gorou the doctor when he was looking out for her best interests as a pregnant woman, a bit like a loving and carrying husband.
In a a future contrasting juxtaposition fine moments like this will help Aqua to realize that the amount of guilt he feels for her death is exaggerated and unfair since he genuinly was also looking after her even as her child. And of course we all remember his influence on Gotanda after she was cut out of his movie.
*
Gorou's core determining trauma is not that easy to grasp and that's because it's coded as emotional raw data into his subconsciousness. There is another very important trauma at the core which prevents him from realizing the importance of that love that was finally granted to him in Ai's last moments. He didn't realize that this was an sincere reenactment of true love his dying mother gave him after his birth. This frame in the anime gives it basically away: Her hair like the hair after an extremely painful deadly birth. She is all sweaty, exhausted and anemic but also the truely happiest woman she ever was. It's like saying: There is no point of feeling guilty, I'm so glad I gave birth to you, my son. I love you...
https://preview.redd.it/6veu0yctbs2b1.jpg?width=1280&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0883f041277110fc0fadca5c8290e63c2ea72e4f
And is there even any base for guilt at all? The chapter "What is Guilt" in this essay turned out to be the shortest one. It's maybe also the grand tragicirony of Aka's story. "Guilt" and revenge for it's sake occupy Aqua's entire purpose in life, yet it has the most fragile irrational foundation, born from trauma and self-misunderstanding. One final thought: It's also not forgiveness. The kind of love that Gorous mother expressed for him after her birth wasn't forgiveness as it implies guilt. No, she is simply happy and unconditonally loved her son. He is not guilty.
* * * *
The next chapter in PART II will be called "The Reeactment of Violence" and in this we will find hidden links between Gorou's trauma with a father-figures in his life, the missing father who impregnated his mother but wouldn't provide for him, how this is reflected on Kamiki but also expressed in Aqua's husband-like behaviour towards Ai, but also his poisoned relationship to his Grandfather and how all of this comes together on the scenery of Ai's murder. And much more....
2023.05.29 17:21 Kitchen-Chapter-2687 Averevoir is the most fucking annoying thing in this game.
Doing Barkleys quest. Saw cool bird.
Oops, cool bird has the worst fucking record rate in the game apparently. 1 hp, recorder does NOT get hit, scoring a critical super effective 500 damage attack, with a type beneficial tape
27%. Fails.
Several. Fucking. Times. What a sack of shit. You're clearly meant to use a 100% tape for this piece of shit and you cannot tell me otherwise.
submitted by Kitchen-Chapter-2687 to cassettebeasts [link] [comments]
Oops, cool bird has the worst fucking record rate in the game apparently. 1 hp, recorder does NOT get hit, scoring a critical super effective 500 damage attack, with a type beneficial tape
27%. Fails.
Several. Fucking. Times. What a sack of shit. You're clearly meant to use a 100% tape for this piece of shit and you cannot tell me otherwise.
2023.05.29 17:21 noThefakedevesh First job and life is going fast
Hello fellow Indian Redditors.
I got an Internship in Gurgaon and I am was really excited for it as it'd be the first time I will be living completely on my own. Meeting new people and creating connections.
However, I just came to Gurgaon and last 2 days went in finding a good PG. I am exhausted and there is no one to talk to. Complete stranger in this city. I felt it'd be the same as living in hostel like in university (which is lots of fun) but this experience is different and hard to explain. Maybe I am just feeling lonely. Getting anxious. Saw an accident today and since then I have this fear what will happen if something happens to me. Who will inform my family? What if I get mobbed?
I am currently all on my parents money and the expenses are already skyrocketing. Trying to keep it minimum. I just sat and tried seeing how much will I be expending and shit the amount's crazy. My stipend is good but I'll have to live one month in bare minimum, dont want to be a burden on family.
I'll be joining my company from June 1, I hope things go well. It's a startup so I am not keeping any hopes and already thinking about long working hours after reading some posts. I am seeing people do this and that. I'll be living in a coliving pg with a friend (from university don't know him much). I felt really uncomfortable when I saw couples living in the same PG. Don't take me as wrong, nothing bad about it, but just seeing this for the first time as all my life I have been in totally boys things.
I am not looking for any relationships. Neither can I afford being in one and have been put up by this fear what if the person is malicious, does something to me. I am sorry I have become really pessimistic just in few days.
I am also seeing people of my age drink and go to clubbing and doing all sorts of fun stuff. Is it alright if I don't drink and I don't like going out very much? Will it affect my relationship with colleagues in company?
What is this feeling anxiousnes that I am feeling? Is this adulting? Will the rest of my life be like this? How to deal with this.
submitted by noThefakedevesh to india [link] [comments]
I got an Internship in Gurgaon and I am was really excited for it as it'd be the first time I will be living completely on my own. Meeting new people and creating connections.
However, I just came to Gurgaon and last 2 days went in finding a good PG. I am exhausted and there is no one to talk to. Complete stranger in this city. I felt it'd be the same as living in hostel like in university (which is lots of fun) but this experience is different and hard to explain. Maybe I am just feeling lonely. Getting anxious. Saw an accident today and since then I have this fear what will happen if something happens to me. Who will inform my family? What if I get mobbed?
I am currently all on my parents money and the expenses are already skyrocketing. Trying to keep it minimum. I just sat and tried seeing how much will I be expending and shit the amount's crazy. My stipend is good but I'll have to live one month in bare minimum, dont want to be a burden on family.
I'll be joining my company from June 1, I hope things go well. It's a startup so I am not keeping any hopes and already thinking about long working hours after reading some posts. I am seeing people do this and that. I'll be living in a coliving pg with a friend (from university don't know him much). I felt really uncomfortable when I saw couples living in the same PG. Don't take me as wrong, nothing bad about it, but just seeing this for the first time as all my life I have been in totally boys things.
I am not looking for any relationships. Neither can I afford being in one and have been put up by this fear what if the person is malicious, does something to me. I am sorry I have become really pessimistic just in few days.
I am also seeing people of my age drink and go to clubbing and doing all sorts of fun stuff. Is it alright if I don't drink and I don't like going out very much? Will it affect my relationship with colleagues in company?
What is this feeling anxiousnes that I am feeling? Is this adulting? Will the rest of my life be like this? How to deal with this.
2023.05.29 17:21 probablytired000 Medication shortage finally hit my state, now I can't stop cooking/baking/pickling lmao
I'm honestly surprised it took this long for the Adderall shortage to hit my state, seeing as I've been hearing about it for a really long time now. Didn't have any issues until last week, I called for my last refill, no pharmacies have my medicine anywhere near me. I've been raw-dogging the ADHD for about a week now.
My current hyperfixation is baking and pickling. Pickling is really easy and fun to do. You can pickle literally everything y'all, and it's fairly cheap tbh. And it's so customizable. Decided to mess around and make spicy pickles seasoned with some basic pickling spices and Tapatio...Literally so good. I also invested in a bread maker, I feel like little miss Holly Homemaker with all the bread I'm making. Also fun, easy, and super customizable. And it makes your apartment/house smell really good. I've also been trying my hand at cakes and cake decorating. Definitely takes a lot of practice and patience, but super fun.
Anyway, since I've been unmedicated, I cannot stop making food. I'm even cooking, and I hate cooking. I spent the last 2 days preparing food and treats to take to my parents' place today for Memorial Day, even though they're not grilling or really doing anything for Memorial Day, just seemed like a good excuse to put my hyperfixations to use lol. I made chocolate cupcakes with marshmallow buttercream, lemon cupcakes with strawberry buttercream, a lemon blueberry tart, baklava for my dad, pickled jalapeños and carrots, queso, a loaf of bread with garlic and parmesan cheese, southwestern chicken salad, deviled eggs, and jalapeños poppers! Basically everything is made from scratch. I've been moving non-stop for a few days. Feeling kinda bad for my roommate, she hasn't had much time to make her own food since I've been monopolizing the kitchen...She hasn't said anything though.
I also bought the stuff to make layered red, white, and blue drinks! I'm not really that patriotic, but the science behind layered drinks is fascinating to me! 7Up with grenadine, blue gatorade, and regular 7Up...The different densities allow the liquids to layer instead of mix, HOW COOL?! I know that's like, basic 5th grade science, but I love it, even as an adult.
I also bought some chips and dip for my family to eat while I finish preparing some of the food, since some of it couldn't be fully made ahead of time. Also bought a watermelon, but my father will have to cut that up (I nearly cut off a finger attempting to cut a melon without permission/supervision in 5th grade, haven't been able to feel the top half of that finger for about 12 years now lol). Might make a 7 layer dip or something too...
Anyway, I'll just deal with the consequences of all the money I've spent on food and baking/cooking tools later...That's a future me problem. Past and present me are loving all the cooking/baking/pickling!
I need my Adderall...And soon lol. Everyone says I'm more "fun" without it, which is probably true, but medicated me would be a little more conservative with all the food and money...Oh well. It is what it is. Hopefully everyone enjoys my treats! If everyone is happy and enjoying themselves, it'll be worth it! Hope my US friends are enjoying the long weekend!
submitted by probablytired000 to adhdwomen [link] [comments]
My current hyperfixation is baking and pickling. Pickling is really easy and fun to do. You can pickle literally everything y'all, and it's fairly cheap tbh. And it's so customizable. Decided to mess around and make spicy pickles seasoned with some basic pickling spices and Tapatio...Literally so good. I also invested in a bread maker, I feel like little miss Holly Homemaker with all the bread I'm making. Also fun, easy, and super customizable. And it makes your apartment/house smell really good. I've also been trying my hand at cakes and cake decorating. Definitely takes a lot of practice and patience, but super fun.
Anyway, since I've been unmedicated, I cannot stop making food. I'm even cooking, and I hate cooking. I spent the last 2 days preparing food and treats to take to my parents' place today for Memorial Day, even though they're not grilling or really doing anything for Memorial Day, just seemed like a good excuse to put my hyperfixations to use lol. I made chocolate cupcakes with marshmallow buttercream, lemon cupcakes with strawberry buttercream, a lemon blueberry tart, baklava for my dad, pickled jalapeños and carrots, queso, a loaf of bread with garlic and parmesan cheese, southwestern chicken salad, deviled eggs, and jalapeños poppers! Basically everything is made from scratch. I've been moving non-stop for a few days. Feeling kinda bad for my roommate, she hasn't had much time to make her own food since I've been monopolizing the kitchen...She hasn't said anything though.
I also bought the stuff to make layered red, white, and blue drinks! I'm not really that patriotic, but the science behind layered drinks is fascinating to me! 7Up with grenadine, blue gatorade, and regular 7Up...The different densities allow the liquids to layer instead of mix, HOW COOL?! I know that's like, basic 5th grade science, but I love it, even as an adult.
I also bought some chips and dip for my family to eat while I finish preparing some of the food, since some of it couldn't be fully made ahead of time. Also bought a watermelon, but my father will have to cut that up (I nearly cut off a finger attempting to cut a melon without permission/supervision in 5th grade, haven't been able to feel the top half of that finger for about 12 years now lol). Might make a 7 layer dip or something too...
Anyway, I'll just deal with the consequences of all the money I've spent on food and baking/cooking tools later...That's a future me problem. Past and present me are loving all the cooking/baking/pickling!
I need my Adderall...And soon lol. Everyone says I'm more "fun" without it, which is probably true, but medicated me would be a little more conservative with all the food and money...Oh well. It is what it is. Hopefully everyone enjoys my treats! If everyone is happy and enjoying themselves, it'll be worth it! Hope my US friends are enjoying the long weekend!
2023.05.29 17:21 UKFinanciallyUnSavvy Advice on steps I can take to begin the FIRE path for myself and my elderly parents?
About me: I am a single person in my early 30s. I work in tech and make £70k pa before tax. My monthly take home is ~£3600. I have a chronic illness, but can do my job mostly working from home and the condition is currently managed fairly well. However, even though I love my job, working 5 days a week full time may not be sustainable for me in the long run. If my health deteriorates in the future, I need to be prepared so that if I become unable to work FT or at all, that I could still live well and enjoy life. I want to be prepared for this but I’ve never been very financially savvy before and I’m learning a lot from groups like and this and reading MSE etc. I’ve taken a few steps lately which feel like a start: - tracked down pension pots and put all of them except the current one into PensionBee - moved all my debt into 0% interest options and started saving to pay it all off by June 2024 - opened a chip instant access account and started to put away the money needed to pay off 0% card debt when the periods expire - opened a first direct monthly saver 7% - paying the NI on incomplete years
About my parents situation: I’m currently paying my parents mortgage which went from 0.25% last summer to 4.5% this week, so the last payment was ~£2000 which is awful but this is hopefully temporary. I got some excellent advice from ukpersonalfinance a few months ago on how to sort out my parents mortgage problem, and have now helped them understand that they could sell our current home and still buy a lovely home a bit further out and become mortgage free. They might even have about £200k left (after stamp duty and fees etc). This depends on the eventual sale price and also if they find something they like on the lower end of their budget. They offered to give me £50k towards a flat deposit which is very kind but I’m not sure if I should accept it. Being immigrants my parents did the best they could, and they have been lucky with the house being worth ~5-6x what they bought it for; but they took some bad advice and made some poor decisions with the mortgage and one is on DLA and the other has been self-employed with no private pension. Both will get state pension eventually.
My current wish list/ vaguely informed plan: - buy a flat for myself in London close to work, ideally a 2 bedroom so I have a guest room/study or could even rent a room. Ideally this is without accepting the £50k from my parents - explained in the next point - I am thinking to move with them to their new place in the first instance, support them there and save for my flat deposit myself at the same time. Then with their £200k I want to help them to invest it and generate an income to support themselves so I won’t have to support them from my salary, which in the long term might be better than accepting the money for the deposit.
So my questions are: 1) Do you think my current ideas are realistic/wise? 2) What can I start doing immediately (if anything) to put myself on the path to FIRE? 3) Did any of you become disabled young? If so, what would you advise me to do to make sure my health condition doesn’t impact my FI? 4) What is the best way to utilise my parents’ £200k to make them FI so they won’t need to depend on my income forever more? Even when they both get state pension it won’t be enough to run their new house on.
Sorry for the long post, but any advice would be really helpful here and much appreciated. Thank you so much in advance!
submitted by UKFinanciallyUnSavvy to FIREUK [link] [comments]
About my parents situation: I’m currently paying my parents mortgage which went from 0.25% last summer to 4.5% this week, so the last payment was ~£2000 which is awful but this is hopefully temporary. I got some excellent advice from ukpersonalfinance a few months ago on how to sort out my parents mortgage problem, and have now helped them understand that they could sell our current home and still buy a lovely home a bit further out and become mortgage free. They might even have about £200k left (after stamp duty and fees etc). This depends on the eventual sale price and also if they find something they like on the lower end of their budget. They offered to give me £50k towards a flat deposit which is very kind but I’m not sure if I should accept it. Being immigrants my parents did the best they could, and they have been lucky with the house being worth ~5-6x what they bought it for; but they took some bad advice and made some poor decisions with the mortgage and one is on DLA and the other has been self-employed with no private pension. Both will get state pension eventually.
My current wish list/ vaguely informed plan: - buy a flat for myself in London close to work, ideally a 2 bedroom so I have a guest room/study or could even rent a room. Ideally this is without accepting the £50k from my parents - explained in the next point - I am thinking to move with them to their new place in the first instance, support them there and save for my flat deposit myself at the same time. Then with their £200k I want to help them to invest it and generate an income to support themselves so I won’t have to support them from my salary, which in the long term might be better than accepting the money for the deposit.
So my questions are: 1) Do you think my current ideas are realistic/wise? 2) What can I start doing immediately (if anything) to put myself on the path to FIRE? 3) Did any of you become disabled young? If so, what would you advise me to do to make sure my health condition doesn’t impact my FI? 4) What is the best way to utilise my parents’ £200k to make them FI so they won’t need to depend on my income forever more? Even when they both get state pension it won’t be enough to run their new house on.
Sorry for the long post, but any advice would be really helpful here and much appreciated. Thank you so much in advance!
2023.05.29 17:21 kaiecheroui Ending a 6 month??? 29F & 36M
After sending this text I feel free. Some might think it's too much but I felt like I needed to get it out there to really move on and close that door
" Hey,
We need to talk. I rather have this conversation via phone.If we’re not able to consistently communicate and set up to chat( phone/video) and time to meet then this can not progress forward. I understand you may not have your phone with you at times and your busy, but not responding for days or not following up is just not right.I am a very patient and understanding person, I don’t ask for too much but the lack of communication and effort being made to progress forward is bothersome, especially since its been almost 6 months since we met.
I am not going to keep chasing you down to try to establish something as simple as a phone call. At this point, I do feel like you might be stringing me along and would rather me disappear vs you just saying how you feel. If you are interested I need to know, if not then I will not bother anymore and we will just be two people that exist in the world nothing more. This is my last attempt to get some level of clarity from you. If I don’t hear back from you then I’ll take it as you are not interested and I will no longer try anymore.
"
There was a less than 1% chance of anything changing or even a response. So for me it was more about just putting that out there and making it known that I'm no longer going to put up with the BS. When we met and did chat it was fine. But I need consistency not excuses.
So called alpha type A person can't even be bother to say " hey things aren't working out, or etc...." Just oh" I'm sorry I'm so busy, I'll get back to you soon 🌹 "
Best to walk away right?
submitted by kaiecheroui to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
" Hey,
We need to talk. I rather have this conversation via phone.If we’re not able to consistently communicate and set up to chat( phone/video) and time to meet then this can not progress forward. I understand you may not have your phone with you at times and your busy, but not responding for days or not following up is just not right.I am a very patient and understanding person, I don’t ask for too much but the lack of communication and effort being made to progress forward is bothersome, especially since its been almost 6 months since we met.
I am not going to keep chasing you down to try to establish something as simple as a phone call. At this point, I do feel like you might be stringing me along and would rather me disappear vs you just saying how you feel. If you are interested I need to know, if not then I will not bother anymore and we will just be two people that exist in the world nothing more. This is my last attempt to get some level of clarity from you. If I don’t hear back from you then I’ll take it as you are not interested and I will no longer try anymore.
"
There was a less than 1% chance of anything changing or even a response. So for me it was more about just putting that out there and making it known that I'm no longer going to put up with the BS. When we met and did chat it was fine. But I need consistency not excuses.
So called alpha type A person can't even be bother to say " hey things aren't working out, or etc...." Just oh" I'm sorry I'm so busy, I'll get back to you soon 🌹 "
Best to walk away right?
2023.05.29 17:21 clbw Should I add yeast?
Officially my third brew. I 5 Gal of Vienna Lager on Friday 5/26, my OG was 1.053 about 75-76% efficiency. Today 5/29 my hydrometer, Pill,and Milwaukee are about the same in readings. Using just one package of dried lutra Kveik yeast fermenting at 86F. Also added yeast nutrients during the boil at the right time. the stats today are Gravity is at 1.012, Brix 5.2 and ABV approx 2.2% also need to mention fermenting under pressure at 10PSI.
Am I being inpatient or should I add a second pack of ultra? I expected more activity by today based on my last batch. That was a light larger and I added two pack of the lutra yeast to that batch but it had given of a slight lemon flavor so I decided to just do one pack ( lager helped dissipate the lemon flavor). In not sure if I should just ride this out or drop the pressure and add the yeast. What do you all think
submitted by clbw to Homebrewing [link] [comments]
Am I being inpatient or should I add a second pack of ultra? I expected more activity by today based on my last batch. That was a light larger and I added two pack of the lutra yeast to that batch but it had given of a slight lemon flavor so I decided to just do one pack ( lager helped dissipate the lemon flavor). In not sure if I should just ride this out or drop the pressure and add the yeast. What do you all think
2023.05.29 17:21 no-prize4690 Need help picking who to live with
- #Dad PROS: takes me to doctor when needed without week delays, will spend money on me, is on time when picking me up from school or other things, if I need something he will usually buy it for me, I get to be with my pet cat, doesn't make me feel guilty for asking for things like new shoes, floss, food etc.
- #Mom# PROS: Nice when she's not grumpy, buys me things but usually makes me feel bad about it, nice neighbors, I don't feel uncomfortable around her most of the time.
- #Auntie & Uncle# not really sure about this option... PROS: Healthy living like daily walks, healthy eating, clean house, good relationship, good living conditions. They're nice to me, I like them, have normal jobs, they're emotionally available,
Honestly I'm a really shy person and a pushover. I stayed with them for a week and "we" made plans that I will be returning in the summer and getting a part-time job. I don't know if I want to follow through with that.. I don't know if they can handle someone like me who is so sick mentally compared to them. I'm a kid who comes from a messed up home, school, neighborhood and city vs their "tv like" home and family. When I'm with relatives I'm really helpful and happy looking (which is how I acted with them for the week I stayed.) I'm scared that if I stay with them they'll see my real lazy, ugly, and sick personality.
Sorry this post is everywhere, and doesn't have a lot of details or is well written. I really need help making a choice but I have literally no one to help me make this decision. I know the 3rd option is best for me. But it's really hard to decide on my own to leave everything in my life I've known including my family. If anyone wants to ask me questions about anything go ahead..
2023.05.29 17:21 Mageroth1987 Theory. Rick's Ballad
Here's a Dark theory,
The reason why Rick was creating a Portal gun in his garage was that he wanted to leave Beth and Diane , but was to coward to say he wanted out. But just then Prime Rick comes in gives him an offers him his friendship, which he turns down..thinking he has justified himself.. but well Prime Rick returns and Kills Diane and thats what causes cascading events in him creating his own portal gun and becoming R-137.
The reason he wanted to leave Diane is obvious, I mean he doesn't love her anymore.. at the time which is filled with grief then the love for his daughter.. then strangely.. Birdperson. Then his Grandkids.. then bird person gets married and on his wedding day is gunned down...
This makes him snap.. he goes berserk, destroys everything he built from the Decoy family's to the entire Citadel.. he does this so that he could find that one timeline of uncertainty where everything is perfect where Diane is alive, he loves her she loves him and Birdperson is still alive and they are best friends and he still gets to have his grand kids.. and oigh! Yes with Jerry!
submitted by Mageroth1987 to rickandmorty [link] [comments]
The reason why Rick was creating a Portal gun in his garage was that he wanted to leave Beth and Diane , but was to coward to say he wanted out. But just then Prime Rick comes in gives him an offers him his friendship, which he turns down..thinking he has justified himself.. but well Prime Rick returns and Kills Diane and thats what causes cascading events in him creating his own portal gun and becoming R-137.
The reason he wanted to leave Diane is obvious, I mean he doesn't love her anymore.. at the time which is filled with grief then the love for his daughter.. then strangely.. Birdperson. Then his Grandkids.. then bird person gets married and on his wedding day is gunned down...
This makes him snap.. he goes berserk, destroys everything he built from the Decoy family's to the entire Citadel.. he does this so that he could find that one timeline of uncertainty where everything is perfect where Diane is alive, he loves her she loves him and Birdperson is still alive and they are best friends and he still gets to have his grand kids.. and oigh! Yes with Jerry!
2023.05.29 17:20 TheGreyworks [SLEEPWALK] 1 - Prologue to a Nightmare
The Nature of Predators was created by u/SpacePaladin15.
Special thanks to u/Saint-Andros for giving feedback on this first chapter's draft!
This is my first time writing a fanfic, or any multi-chapter story for that matter. Updates are likely to be slow and inconsistent. Your feedback is definitely appreciated, so if you have anything to say please leave a comment!
I hope you enjoy.
===
THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM IS RATED [TV-MA-HM] (FOR HUMAN-STANDARD MATURE AUDIENCES) AND CONTAINS:
- ADULT OR "PREDATOR-LIKE" THEMES
- COARSE LANGUAGE
VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.
===
SLEEPWALK
CREATED BY NEKAN AND SIMON GREY
1 - Prologue to a Nightmare
===
JULY 8, 2136
Walk in, be polite, do your job, walk out, and no more.
It was the five-step mantra my feathered friend had given me to get me through the working days, and it’s served me quite well for the past couple of years. His voice was always a soothing guide, repeatedly ringing in the back of my head like a well-meaning wake-up call.
I was getting on in my years a little, at least it felt like it, so I still gladly accepted his help even after all this time. He was a polite fellow, almost as old as I was but far more able and proficient. Maybe he cared about me a little too much as he did many things for my convenience—he even got me my janitorial job in the first place—but who was I to turn away such a good friend?
I gave a satisfied tail swish as I said goodbye to Fevri, the receptionist’s lovely tone a soft farewell. The end of every shift always came with a calming walk back to my apartment building, like an extra treat for all the helpful work I’ve done. It was far enough from the office for the time to last but close enough to not be tiring, giving me a moment to appreciate the ambiance of the Capital and ‘mull things over’ as my friend would always encourage.
Well, mulling things over, almost everything was in its place. My job was still good; I was doing good. I was good!
My friend just hasn’t been visiting lately, which is fine. It’s happened a few times before, and he’s told me what to do to get through the day so many times that I know his instructions like the back of my paw.
I just hope he’s doing well too, and that he’ll be back soon to give me some medicine again to stop my recent headaches.
I didn’t know why, but recently I’ve been expecting something to happen to me. Something bad or good, I didn’t know. But this sort of feeling and the headaches always came up when I didn’t take my medicine.
My friend’s voice softly chided me, his advice echoing from the past. “Remember, Havan: you can’t get the medicine from any other doctor. You’ll get hurt and taken away from your home.”
The air was colder today. Strangely, I knew that for whatever reason it wasn’t why I felt a shiver go through me. I had no reason to be afraid, I was good! Always good!
I walked through the apartment building’s front door and swiftly made my way to my own unit. Before, it was much easier to push that feeling of—fear?—aside. Maybe something bad is coming this way.
Right to my doorstep.
I hurriedly locked the door behind me.
I shed my jumpsuit and tool belt, setting them aside on a rack. The jumpsuit wasn’t particularly dirty—for now, at least—so I could just have it washed some other time. My friend would understand. He always did. I just hope he’ll be back soon with more of my medicine. I don’t want to be bad.
After a small meal, it was time for bed. I couldn’t eat more as the headache was getting worse by the minute, ending my appetite.
My paws placed themselves over my forehead like useless cushions. The worst was yet to come; the bad dreams would arrive the moment I fell asleep. Sometimes, even the medicine wasn’t enough to stop them from invading my head like a predator on the hunt.
They were mostly the same. A woman and her child: a dream repeated forever like the infinity of space.\
For some reason, I felt like I should know them.
Whenever I tried to look at their faces, I could feel something rip my gaze away with claw and fanged force—when I could see them at the edges of my eyes, their empty faces were nothing but smudged paint on a watery canvas. Just out of reach, an orange-eyed predator snarled behind them.
It always scared me.
I’ve tried talking to my friend about it many times, but he never wanted to hear it. He’d look away and tell me to let it go, just take the medicine and forget the nightmares.
He was like me in the dream.
I hope he’ll be back soon.
Sometimes, he’d look ready to tell me something—staring straight at me mid-conversation. Then, he’d just look away all tired and heavy, deflating like someone had given him a weight to carry. He’d usually take his leave whenever those moments happened: “Farewell, Havan. See you next time.”
Now that I think about it, he also looked like that whenever I told him about the dream. Maybe he wished he could know them too.
JULY 11, 2136
I’m losing track, I think. I’m not sure. I’ve got a slow-burning headache that just won’t leave, simmering every part of my mind it could get its claws on. I can barely keep myself upright most of the time; I had to call in sick yesterday. My friend’s still not back with more medicine.
Medicine for what; I didn’t even know anymore.
Wake up.
“Shit… d-dammit,” I managed to croak out before hurling the rest of my lunch into the toilet. The act of cursing was paradoxically unknown yet familiar to my tongue—like an old routine left untouched for years.
All my dreams were relentless and mocking—I was rendered helpless to their onslaught. I couldn’t tell what was real and what was cruel imagination. In fact, the only things that felt real were the solid and smooth toilet and the force of my vomiting. I held on for dear life to save myself from the vortex churning around me.
A singular thought beckoned me again, a glaring beacon in a foggy sea of pain: ‘Wake up.’
There was nothing else to wake up to.
“DAMMIT!” I repeated before unceremoniously slumping back onto the floor. Something within me was changing—rapidly and viscerally. I was a stranger in my own body, adrift in a world far removed from the one I knew. I couldn’t breathe.
Someone was knocking on my door, calling my name.
I dragged myself out of the bathroom, feverish and frail, ignoring that weak voice in my head that asked: ‘What if it wasn’t your friend?’
I needed anything. Anything at all.
My body moved on its own, paws desperately reaching the doorknob. Somehow, I managed to unlock the door. It wasn’t my friend.
I would’ve screamed if I had the strength left for it. Instead, my legs gave way; my back eagerly greeted its old friend: the floor. Dragging myself backward with my vision blurred and hearing muted, the stranger came inside—crossing the threshold that marked my safety from the things my friend warned me about.
“Please… don’t hurt me…”
But the stranger marched on, grabbing ahold of me.
I curled into a pathetic shield, attempting to cover as much of myself as possible. Somehow, it all still felt like I was falling.
Through the blur, I heard the stranger’s voice. “Havan! It’s just me!”
Fevri?
The realization was a bullet through the skull, rattling my brain into something like focus. There it was: the receptionist’s young and frightened face. Lying in the hallway beyond the open door was a basket full of goods that were probably meant for me.
Whoops.
“Let’s get you lying down somewhere comfortable, okay? You need to rest. I’ll call a doctor—”
My head snapped back up. “No! Y-you shouldn’t! You can’t!”
“O-okay! Okay. No doctors. I’m sorry,” she reassuringly patted my shoulders after having dragged me to the side of my couch. “Look, forget that I ever mentioned it. Now, I need to pull you up onto the couch; is that fine with you?”
I limply nodded. I probably didn’t have the strength to do something as simple as that by myself.
Fevri pulled me up while that all too familiar voice in the back of my head spoke again: ‘She better keep her word, or I’ll…’
…
I didn’t finish that thought. What the hell was that all about? I wasn’t a violent man.
Was I? I can’t even recall who I am anymore. The vortex of dreams overtook me again, Fevri’s voice fading away as she momentarily left my side to grab the basket outside.
I was alone once again.
A predator’s face revealed itself in the blood-orange veil of my brain, sneering as it revealed itself to be the beckoning voice echoing through my skull.
‘WAKE UP.’
I fell.
I don’t know what it would mean if I’ll ‘wake up.’ Powerless, I lost myself to a seemingly infinite and dark slumber.
JULY 12, 2136
I arrived at the light at the end of the tunnel, the bottom of the bottomless pit.
My eyes opened, and a strange sense of peace washed over me. Coming from the television were alarm clock tones, an emergency broadcast stuck on the screen. ‘Predator arrival,’ ‘evacuate,’ and ‘await further instructions’ were the only phrases I took note of before rising from the couch.
This wasn’t my home.
The window blinds were closed throughout my apartment. Outside, the city was deathly silent. I didn’t need to look to know that there were likely a few bodies lying face-down on the street, casualties of panicked stampedes to the bunkers.
What happened to me?
Decades of half-remembered memories flooded outward, smashing through the dam of my mind. To my horror, I realized this was the first time I’d felt my heartbeat in a long, long while.
My Krakotl ‘friend’ was an exterminator; he always wore his uniform whenever he visited me. The medication was for predator disease.
I’m not ‘Havan.’ I didn’t use to be, and I couldn’t remember my real name.
The woman and child in my dreams were my wife and son—
With no other outlet for my frightened rage, I resorted to slamming my foot into the side of an empty trash can.
I gritted my teeth as pain shot up through my leg. For the first time, I felt the stiffness and aching that came with being middle-aged and taking those damn predator disease pills for years. Twenty years. I’d been out of it for twenty fucking miserable years.
A small part of me wished I stayed ‘asleep.’ I cast the thought aside almost immediately.
The exterminator had never given his name. How convenient. I had nowhere to go.
I should be weeping.
My head turned towards the bedroom door as Fevri walked out, clearly having just woken up. “W-what’s going on? What was that noise? Oh, Havan, you’re awake!”
“Nothing,” I winced, forcing the scowl off my face. “I just… accidentally knocked a trash can over. I should be the one asking you what’s going on.”
Fevri shook her head, trying to focus through her drowsiness. “Uhm, alarms started ringing out through the city, and that emergency broadcast said it was predators. N-nothing’s happened, though. It’s been about an hour and a half since it started, but it’s been so quiet.”
“You stayed.”
That seemed to wake her up. “I couldn’t leave you—you could’ve gotten hurt if something did happen! I… I couldn’t ask for help bringing you to the nearest shelter—everyone else was too busy trying to get themselves into safety.”
“Thank you.” I didn’t know what else to say to that. I sat back down on the couch, rubbing my paws across my face as I mulled over everything.
I bet my past self had never felt as lost as I did at this moment. All I could feel was the weight of my newfound clarity and my current confusion—a balancing act of anguish and pain.
“Is something wrong, Havan? Don’t worry about the predator raid; if nothing’s happened so far then we’re probably safe and sound.”
“No, it’s…”
I paused myself. Did I actually want to tell Fevri everything? She was only an acquaintance from work.
But she did stick around and help me. That said a lot about the kind of person she is.
Call it foolishness, call it loneliness—I told the truth, recounting everything I could to her. Right now, she was the only friend I had. She was horrified, of course, but surprisingly it was directed to my circumstances rather than myself.
Fevri sat down beside me, placing a sympathetic paw on my shoulder. “I know it isn’t much, but… I’m really sorry. I thought—we all thought…”
“Thought what?”
“Well, we always had a feeling that you had some form of predator disease. You were amicable, sure, but you were always… distant? Plus, you never talked about your family and always dodged questions about them. We all thought you lost them to a raid and it just made sense to us.”
She nervously flicked her tail. “Guess we weren’t entirely wrong, in a messed up way. Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”
I sighed, flicking my ears dismissively to show I wasn’t offended. Everything else about me would always be worse by comparison, a pillar of distress as strong as an Arxur’s jaw and equally as biting.
What else can I do now? I have no leads. All I had were blurry faces and names I didn’t know.
…
Why’d he stop?
It made no sense for my ‘friend’ to suddenly stop medicating me for weeks. The fact that he had consistent access to medication to give me made me suspect that he was an exterminator-specialist, which would also make him a doctor specializing in treating predator-diseased individuals like me.
In fact, none of what he did made any sense at all. Why go through the effort of giving me a false name—to give me instructions on how to live by myself and dodge questions?
He had been trying to protect me. Was it a fucked up way of doing it? Absolutely, but it didn’t change the fact that he actually helped. For all I knew, he was the one thing stopping me from finding a new home in a correctional facility.
My tail twitched with irritation. Fevri looked expectantly at me. “What now?”
“I don’t know. I guess looking for the exterminator to get some answers would be my safest bet, but I’m not walking to the nearest guild office or the damn headquarters to ask for him.”
“Maybe I can? After the lockdown, anyway.”
“I don’t know. Honestly, this sounds like a stupid idea,” I shook my head, another sigh escaping from my lips. “Hell, I’m lucky you still want to help me for some damn reason I can’t think of.”
To my surprise, she let out an amused snort. “It’s the right thing to do?”
“I’m predator-diseased. Probably dangerous in some way.”
“Well, you won’t hurt me, will you? Besides, you look like you really need the help.”
She didn’t get my point, but fine. I guess that answer was enough for now.
Fevri must’ve noticed my reluctance, making her continue. “Look, you don’t seem to be a bad man. Just… someone caught up in something really horrible. Everyone back in the office—myself included—liked you and felt sorry for you, you know? That hasn’t changed with me, at least.”
“Alright, alright,” I stood up from the couch, giving in to the receptionist’s offer. There was something else that made her want to stick around; I wasn’t an idiot.
For now? I couldn’t doubt her. She’s my only real friend; anything is better than being alone.
“I’m gonna clean up.”
She gave a nod of acknowledgment as I entered the bathroom and locked the door behind me. I stared at the unfamiliar visage in the mirror, examining every little line and nick that marked my face. The graying Venlil in front of me was someone else entirely.
I was old. I was exhausted. I was likely insane—but I was awake.
My true trial is just beyond the walls of my apartment building once the lockdown ends. The past twenty years of being lost and asleep had only served as a prologue to a nightmare.
The worst was yet to come.
submitted by TheGreyworks to NatureofPredators [link] [comments]
Special thanks to u/Saint-Andros for giving feedback on this first chapter's draft!
This is my first time writing a fanfic, or any multi-chapter story for that matter. Updates are likely to be slow and inconsistent. Your feedback is definitely appreciated, so if you have anything to say please leave a comment!
I hope you enjoy.
===
THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM IS RATED [TV-MA-HM] (FOR HUMAN-STANDARD MATURE AUDIENCES) AND CONTAINS:
- ADULT OR "PREDATOR-LIKE" THEMES
- COARSE LANGUAGE
VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.
===
SLEEPWALK
CREATED BY NEKAN AND SIMON GREY
1 - Prologue to a Nightmare
===
JULY 8, 2136
Walk in, be polite, do your job, walk out, and no more.
It was the five-step mantra my feathered friend had given me to get me through the working days, and it’s served me quite well for the past couple of years. His voice was always a soothing guide, repeatedly ringing in the back of my head like a well-meaning wake-up call.
I was getting on in my years a little, at least it felt like it, so I still gladly accepted his help even after all this time. He was a polite fellow, almost as old as I was but far more able and proficient. Maybe he cared about me a little too much as he did many things for my convenience—he even got me my janitorial job in the first place—but who was I to turn away such a good friend?
I gave a satisfied tail swish as I said goodbye to Fevri, the receptionist’s lovely tone a soft farewell. The end of every shift always came with a calming walk back to my apartment building, like an extra treat for all the helpful work I’ve done. It was far enough from the office for the time to last but close enough to not be tiring, giving me a moment to appreciate the ambiance of the Capital and ‘mull things over’ as my friend would always encourage.
Well, mulling things over, almost everything was in its place. My job was still good; I was doing good. I was good!
My friend just hasn’t been visiting lately, which is fine. It’s happened a few times before, and he’s told me what to do to get through the day so many times that I know his instructions like the back of my paw.
I just hope he’s doing well too, and that he’ll be back soon to give me some medicine again to stop my recent headaches.
I didn’t know why, but recently I’ve been expecting something to happen to me. Something bad or good, I didn’t know. But this sort of feeling and the headaches always came up when I didn’t take my medicine.
My friend’s voice softly chided me, his advice echoing from the past. “Remember, Havan: you can’t get the medicine from any other doctor. You’ll get hurt and taken away from your home.”
The air was colder today. Strangely, I knew that for whatever reason it wasn’t why I felt a shiver go through me. I had no reason to be afraid, I was good! Always good!
I walked through the apartment building’s front door and swiftly made my way to my own unit. Before, it was much easier to push that feeling of—fear?—aside. Maybe something bad is coming this way.
Right to my doorstep.
I hurriedly locked the door behind me.
I shed my jumpsuit and tool belt, setting them aside on a rack. The jumpsuit wasn’t particularly dirty—for now, at least—so I could just have it washed some other time. My friend would understand. He always did. I just hope he’ll be back soon with more of my medicine. I don’t want to be bad.
After a small meal, it was time for bed. I couldn’t eat more as the headache was getting worse by the minute, ending my appetite.
My paws placed themselves over my forehead like useless cushions. The worst was yet to come; the bad dreams would arrive the moment I fell asleep. Sometimes, even the medicine wasn’t enough to stop them from invading my head like a predator on the hunt.
They were mostly the same. A woman and her child: a dream repeated forever like the infinity of space.\
For some reason, I felt like I should know them.
Whenever I tried to look at their faces, I could feel something rip my gaze away with claw and fanged force—when I could see them at the edges of my eyes, their empty faces were nothing but smudged paint on a watery canvas. Just out of reach, an orange-eyed predator snarled behind them.
It always scared me.
I’ve tried talking to my friend about it many times, but he never wanted to hear it. He’d look away and tell me to let it go, just take the medicine and forget the nightmares.
He was like me in the dream.
I hope he’ll be back soon.
Sometimes, he’d look ready to tell me something—staring straight at me mid-conversation. Then, he’d just look away all tired and heavy, deflating like someone had given him a weight to carry. He’d usually take his leave whenever those moments happened: “Farewell, Havan. See you next time.”
Now that I think about it, he also looked like that whenever I told him about the dream. Maybe he wished he could know them too.
JULY 11, 2136
I’m losing track, I think. I’m not sure. I’ve got a slow-burning headache that just won’t leave, simmering every part of my mind it could get its claws on. I can barely keep myself upright most of the time; I had to call in sick yesterday. My friend’s still not back with more medicine.
Medicine for what; I didn’t even know anymore.
Wake up.
“Shit… d-dammit,” I managed to croak out before hurling the rest of my lunch into the toilet. The act of cursing was paradoxically unknown yet familiar to my tongue—like an old routine left untouched for years.
All my dreams were relentless and mocking—I was rendered helpless to their onslaught. I couldn’t tell what was real and what was cruel imagination. In fact, the only things that felt real were the solid and smooth toilet and the force of my vomiting. I held on for dear life to save myself from the vortex churning around me.
A singular thought beckoned me again, a glaring beacon in a foggy sea of pain: ‘Wake up.’
There was nothing else to wake up to.
“DAMMIT!” I repeated before unceremoniously slumping back onto the floor. Something within me was changing—rapidly and viscerally. I was a stranger in my own body, adrift in a world far removed from the one I knew. I couldn’t breathe.
Someone was knocking on my door, calling my name.
I dragged myself out of the bathroom, feverish and frail, ignoring that weak voice in my head that asked: ‘What if it wasn’t your friend?’
I needed anything. Anything at all.
My body moved on its own, paws desperately reaching the doorknob. Somehow, I managed to unlock the door. It wasn’t my friend.
I would’ve screamed if I had the strength left for it. Instead, my legs gave way; my back eagerly greeted its old friend: the floor. Dragging myself backward with my vision blurred and hearing muted, the stranger came inside—crossing the threshold that marked my safety from the things my friend warned me about.
“Please… don’t hurt me…”
But the stranger marched on, grabbing ahold of me.
I curled into a pathetic shield, attempting to cover as much of myself as possible. Somehow, it all still felt like I was falling.
Through the blur, I heard the stranger’s voice. “Havan! It’s just me!”
Fevri?
The realization was a bullet through the skull, rattling my brain into something like focus. There it was: the receptionist’s young and frightened face. Lying in the hallway beyond the open door was a basket full of goods that were probably meant for me.
Whoops.
“Let’s get you lying down somewhere comfortable, okay? You need to rest. I’ll call a doctor—”
My head snapped back up. “No! Y-you shouldn’t! You can’t!”
“O-okay! Okay. No doctors. I’m sorry,” she reassuringly patted my shoulders after having dragged me to the side of my couch. “Look, forget that I ever mentioned it. Now, I need to pull you up onto the couch; is that fine with you?”
I limply nodded. I probably didn’t have the strength to do something as simple as that by myself.
Fevri pulled me up while that all too familiar voice in the back of my head spoke again: ‘She better keep her word, or I’ll…’
…
I didn’t finish that thought. What the hell was that all about? I wasn’t a violent man.
Was I? I can’t even recall who I am anymore. The vortex of dreams overtook me again, Fevri’s voice fading away as she momentarily left my side to grab the basket outside.
I was alone once again.
A predator’s face revealed itself in the blood-orange veil of my brain, sneering as it revealed itself to be the beckoning voice echoing through my skull.
‘WAKE UP.’
I fell.
I don’t know what it would mean if I’ll ‘wake up.’ Powerless, I lost myself to a seemingly infinite and dark slumber.
JULY 12, 2136
I arrived at the light at the end of the tunnel, the bottom of the bottomless pit.
My eyes opened, and a strange sense of peace washed over me. Coming from the television were alarm clock tones, an emergency broadcast stuck on the screen. ‘Predator arrival,’ ‘evacuate,’ and ‘await further instructions’ were the only phrases I took note of before rising from the couch.
This wasn’t my home.
The window blinds were closed throughout my apartment. Outside, the city was deathly silent. I didn’t need to look to know that there were likely a few bodies lying face-down on the street, casualties of panicked stampedes to the bunkers.
What happened to me?
Decades of half-remembered memories flooded outward, smashing through the dam of my mind. To my horror, I realized this was the first time I’d felt my heartbeat in a long, long while.
My Krakotl ‘friend’ was an exterminator; he always wore his uniform whenever he visited me. The medication was for predator disease.
I’m not ‘Havan.’ I didn’t use to be, and I couldn’t remember my real name.
The woman and child in my dreams were my wife and son—
With no other outlet for my frightened rage, I resorted to slamming my foot into the side of an empty trash can.
I gritted my teeth as pain shot up through my leg. For the first time, I felt the stiffness and aching that came with being middle-aged and taking those damn predator disease pills for years. Twenty years. I’d been out of it for twenty fucking miserable years.
A small part of me wished I stayed ‘asleep.’ I cast the thought aside almost immediately.
The exterminator had never given his name. How convenient. I had nowhere to go.
I should be weeping.
My head turned towards the bedroom door as Fevri walked out, clearly having just woken up. “W-what’s going on? What was that noise? Oh, Havan, you’re awake!”
“Nothing,” I winced, forcing the scowl off my face. “I just… accidentally knocked a trash can over. I should be the one asking you what’s going on.”
Fevri shook her head, trying to focus through her drowsiness. “Uhm, alarms started ringing out through the city, and that emergency broadcast said it was predators. N-nothing’s happened, though. It’s been about an hour and a half since it started, but it’s been so quiet.”
“You stayed.”
That seemed to wake her up. “I couldn’t leave you—you could’ve gotten hurt if something did happen! I… I couldn’t ask for help bringing you to the nearest shelter—everyone else was too busy trying to get themselves into safety.”
“Thank you.” I didn’t know what else to say to that. I sat back down on the couch, rubbing my paws across my face as I mulled over everything.
I bet my past self had never felt as lost as I did at this moment. All I could feel was the weight of my newfound clarity and my current confusion—a balancing act of anguish and pain.
“Is something wrong, Havan? Don’t worry about the predator raid; if nothing’s happened so far then we’re probably safe and sound.”
“No, it’s…”
I paused myself. Did I actually want to tell Fevri everything? She was only an acquaintance from work.
But she did stick around and help me. That said a lot about the kind of person she is.
Call it foolishness, call it loneliness—I told the truth, recounting everything I could to her. Right now, she was the only friend I had. She was horrified, of course, but surprisingly it was directed to my circumstances rather than myself.
Fevri sat down beside me, placing a sympathetic paw on my shoulder. “I know it isn’t much, but… I’m really sorry. I thought—we all thought…”
“Thought what?”
“Well, we always had a feeling that you had some form of predator disease. You were amicable, sure, but you were always… distant? Plus, you never talked about your family and always dodged questions about them. We all thought you lost them to a raid and it just made sense to us.”
She nervously flicked her tail. “Guess we weren’t entirely wrong, in a messed up way. Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”
I sighed, flicking my ears dismissively to show I wasn’t offended. Everything else about me would always be worse by comparison, a pillar of distress as strong as an Arxur’s jaw and equally as biting.
What else can I do now? I have no leads. All I had were blurry faces and names I didn’t know.
…
Why’d he stop?
It made no sense for my ‘friend’ to suddenly stop medicating me for weeks. The fact that he had consistent access to medication to give me made me suspect that he was an exterminator-specialist, which would also make him a doctor specializing in treating predator-diseased individuals like me.
In fact, none of what he did made any sense at all. Why go through the effort of giving me a false name—to give me instructions on how to live by myself and dodge questions?
He had been trying to protect me. Was it a fucked up way of doing it? Absolutely, but it didn’t change the fact that he actually helped. For all I knew, he was the one thing stopping me from finding a new home in a correctional facility.
My tail twitched with irritation. Fevri looked expectantly at me. “What now?”
“I don’t know. I guess looking for the exterminator to get some answers would be my safest bet, but I’m not walking to the nearest guild office or the damn headquarters to ask for him.”
“Maybe I can? After the lockdown, anyway.”
“I don’t know. Honestly, this sounds like a stupid idea,” I shook my head, another sigh escaping from my lips. “Hell, I’m lucky you still want to help me for some damn reason I can’t think of.”
To my surprise, she let out an amused snort. “It’s the right thing to do?”
“I’m predator-diseased. Probably dangerous in some way.”
“Well, you won’t hurt me, will you? Besides, you look like you really need the help.”
She didn’t get my point, but fine. I guess that answer was enough for now.
Fevri must’ve noticed my reluctance, making her continue. “Look, you don’t seem to be a bad man. Just… someone caught up in something really horrible. Everyone back in the office—myself included—liked you and felt sorry for you, you know? That hasn’t changed with me, at least.”
“Alright, alright,” I stood up from the couch, giving in to the receptionist’s offer. There was something else that made her want to stick around; I wasn’t an idiot.
For now? I couldn’t doubt her. She’s my only real friend; anything is better than being alone.
“I’m gonna clean up.”
She gave a nod of acknowledgment as I entered the bathroom and locked the door behind me. I stared at the unfamiliar visage in the mirror, examining every little line and nick that marked my face. The graying Venlil in front of me was someone else entirely.
I was old. I was exhausted. I was likely insane—but I was awake.
My true trial is just beyond the walls of my apartment building once the lockdown ends. The past twenty years of being lost and asleep had only served as a prologue to a nightmare.
The worst was yet to come.
2023.05.29 17:20 flurryskies I didn't shave some areas well: Am I screwed for my first appointment?
Shaving my legs, arms, underarms, belly and lower back are easy. I shaved my pubic mound too and butter hair. My main issue is the hair on the labia. I used an eyebrow razor to get a close shave for that area but there are still some tiny hairs I didn't get to. Dry shaving will be quite difficult to do here as well.
Am I screwed for my first LHR session today? How does everyone else manage to shave all their hairs around this area?
submitted by flurryskies to LaserHairRemoval [link] [comments]
Am I screwed for my first LHR session today? How does everyone else manage to shave all their hairs around this area?
2023.05.29 17:20 f0rtL00p1n I’ve spent a decade meditating. Here’s what I’ve learned. I hope this helps someone else.
- Regardless of belief system, meditation is about transcending thoughts to return to the moment. You can add layers of complexity to it, but the only truth is that it is about observing the relationship between you and your thoughts.
- Meditation is not limited to “sitting“, so do not separate time spent ”sitting” from your daily life. It’s all a meditation.
- Don‘t compare practice. Do what feels natural and brings you peace. If you’re unsure, try methods that call to you until you find the right one. Every being is different, and one size does not fit all.
- Return to the moment as often as you can, but don’t judge yourself for straying. The human experience is not rigid - allow your practice to adapt.
- No one else experiences your thoughts. Don‘t compare your path to stories of enlightenment. Enlightenment as an endpoint is human creation just as is heaven. You already contain enlightenment.
- Do not attempt to suppress emotions.
- Be thankful for the opportunity to pursue peace.
2023.05.29 17:20 TailorEntire1682 That friend...
It drives me crazy sometimes i get so fkin pissed off , i have a friend that used to smoke weed w me , everytime we buying we split in half , for ex: i give 25 euros he gives 25 euros and i go buy or he go buy, now it's been almost 4 months that he told me that he's sober off weed and he quit ... i remember one day i was at home chilling smoking... then ring ring got freaked out who tf is gonna ring at 1.00 am , gave a look and its him , welcomed him ect... after some minutes he told me can i take this little piece i have big headache at night and i want to smoke, i felt bad and told him i dont want to ruin your recovery i even told him to just give it some time as 4 months is a big success for me , the longest break i've took is 5 days and got back to smoking, after long talk he decided to take and he went home... the next day he asked if im going to buy i said yes and told him do you want me to get some for you , what he said ? oh can you only leave 2 joints for me and that hes tight on money ... i accepted , now its been almost a week everyday asking for a joint or two , asking if im going to buy , now i got so tired of this shit and i really dont want to shout in his face or anything cuz hes a close friend and i know him for so long i just want some peace and not get asked again, mf im tight on money too ... (Sorry for long post , wish you great day ) Thanks for reading🙏
submitted by TailorEntire1682 to hash [link] [comments]
2023.05.29 17:19 Acceptable-Owl-6538 Primer is like if Neil Breen was competent
Primer was produced for 7000 dollars.
Like Neil, its largely the work of one man. It is written, directed, produced, edited, scored, and had cinematography by, the same guy who also co stared as one of the films leads.
He's basically doing what Neil Breen does but he does it right. He produces the hardest scifi ever seen in movie form and creates a story with a wonderfully twisted time travel plot
submitted by Acceptable-Owl-6538 to NeilBreen [link] [comments]
Like Neil, its largely the work of one man. It is written, directed, produced, edited, scored, and had cinematography by, the same guy who also co stared as one of the films leads.
He's basically doing what Neil Breen does but he does it right. He produces the hardest scifi ever seen in movie form and creates a story with a wonderfully twisted time travel plot
2023.05.29 17:19 throwaway3idk87s [Need Advice] No motivation, no discipline, no patience to live
I’m failing uni for the 3rd time and I’m in a shitty spot rn, dad is angry at me for failing again, grandpa who’s paying for it is angry too idk what to do. I cannot force myself to study or do anything that makes me use my brain. I struggle with math, and anytime I try to sit down and study I get so angry that I just close everything up and doom scroll on my phone. I stopped going to uni bcuz I thought “okay I will fail this year but I will start over fresh next year and it will be easier” but now the plan has gone to shit and I’m in trouble with my fam now. It’s just so fkn uninteresting. I hate studying. I literally want to do nothing at all in my life. I go to therapy every week, I take antidepressants, what else am I supposed to do? I just get so angry and discouraged when I try to study. ITS SO BORING. Help me. And I don’t want to go to work too. My parents always told me that if I don’t go to uni I will be a nobody. I don’t want to be a nobody. I’m too embarrassed to go work at a supermarket etc because it seems to me like a personal failure
submitted by throwaway3idk87s to getdisciplined [link] [comments]
2023.05.29 17:19 Hoghunter200 [A3][Recruiting][40k][Serious][EST][NA/EU] 777th Siege Korps of Krieg
![[A3][Recruiting][40k][Serious][EST][NA/EU] 777th Siege Korps of Krieg](https://b.thumbs.redditmedia.com/NXzIFQzXzf5Zog2IydGY9BtG7zWBqaDM56rJTfG21IA.jpg "[A3][Recruiting][40k][Serious][EST][NA/EU] 777th Siege Korps of Krieg") | Hello all, we are the 777th Siege Korps of Krieg, a new Death Korps of Krieg unit! We formed this place after being unable to find a unit we really vibed with for quite a while so instead of continuing the search we decided to found our own unit. Our hope is to be a relatively serious unit with a few jokes here and there allowed, this doesn't mean "yes sir no sir" Though it does mean that we are going to be a tad stricter about things. To explain in straight terms, We are fine with you making jokes with your friends here though don't go overboard and ruin other people's fun. submitted by Hoghunter200 to FindAUnit [link] [comments] Our Schedule: Our operations are currently set every Saturday at 2pm EST (7pm GMT) so that our friends across the pond have a chance at joining. We also hold side operations throughout the rest of the week as well. Our hopes are that as we grow we can find other individuals interested in zeusing so that not only our main zeus can play an op once and a while but also so that we could possibly hold multiple main ops a week. When Joining: When you join the unit basically you just need to say in the channel you can type in if you are a unit rep or wanting to join, At that point you will have a few questions sent to you that are just basics for you to answer, Here they are so you can answer them when you first join if you wish. Where did you hear about us? What is your age? Are you new to Arma? Do you need help with TFAR Can you make our operations at 2pm EST on Saturdays? Do you have any questions? MOS We offer: Rifleman Marksmen Anti-Tank Quartermaster (medic) Melta Gunner Plasma Gunner Grenadier Heavy Gunner Flame Trooper Engineer Death Korp Riders Grenadier Bodyguards Squad Leader Pilot (Planned for the future though it depends entirely on unit growth) Armor (Planned for the future though it depends entirely on unit growth) Our Rules: - Discord Rules: -No NSFW/NSFL content
Closing Statement: Just a quick thank you to everyone who read this far down for spending the time to do so and for being interested in the unit, Feel free to message me any questions you may have as I'm more than happy to answer questions about the unit, Have a nice day and hope to see you in Ops! Discord: https://discord.gg/9amxYE5Vbf |